2. The Reasons for Discouragement
CHAPTER TWO
The Reasons for Discouragement
Why are you in despair, O my soul?"
(Psalm 42:5a, nasb).
When we're discouraged, we can find ourselves asking this same question. Sometimes it is quite clear to us what triggered our season of discouragement. But many times the season is so cloudy, we're really not sure. We just know we can't seem to get out.
As we take the time to analyze the lives of people in Scripture who were discouraged, we will find there are reasons for discouragement that are repeated. Knowing these causes for our discouragement sometimes helps us get a handle on curing it.
Unnoticed and Unappreciated
One reason for discouragement is simply that we feel unappreciated by others. Think about the despair that must have filled the prophet Jeremiah as he wrote Lamentations. To read that book is depressing, but imagine living through it and writing it. In reality, Jeremiah's life was one continuous story of sadness. His care for the people, his love for the nation and his devotion to God were all met with hatred. Who besides God appreciated all that he did?
I heard about a man who had once lived in the slums. He was very discouraged. He would say to himself, "I don't want to try anymore. I just want to quit and go back to living the way I used to."
In the slums, he had lived a life filled with drugs and alcohol. He had committed the vilest sins imaginable, everything short of murder. He was living in the pit of hell when God rescued him, and he was born again.
Even though this man devoted his time to reading and devouring the Word of God and experienced a radically changed life, he still struggled with flashbacks of old memories. He found himself often criticized and put down by members of the local church he attended. Crying alone, he would lament that "nobody sees the distance I have covered. Nobody notices the changes God has brought about in me. Nobody cares. Nobody appreciates me."
If you are a wife, you likely have thought many times, "If only my husband understood what is involved in raising the children. If only he appreciated how much time it takes to prepare meals and keep the house clean."
If you are a husband who is godly and caring, you may have thought, "If only my wife valued all that I do at work. She never appreciates the long hours I spend supporting this family. All I hear is, 'It is not enough.' I've tried the best I know how to love her and care for the children, but it seems like nothing I do is good enough."
If you are a student, maybe you think to yourself, "If only my teachers understood where I am coming from. It seems like they can only see when I fail, but never appreciate the progress I've made."
Some may say that it isn't spiritual to worry about acknowledgment or appreciation. Whether the reason is spiritual or not, we are all human and can find ourselves discouraged by feeling unappreciated.
Misunderstood
We can also become discouraged when people misunderstand us or misread our motives. Think of Hannah, when she went to the temple to pray. In her prayers to God, Hannah wept so hard that Eli, the priest, accused her of being drunk. Imagine how that added to Hannah's discouragement about not having a child.
In Matthew, Jesus talks about how John the Baptist fasted, neither eating nor drinking, and the Pharisees of the day said he had a demon. But then Jesus came eating and drinking, and they said He was a drunkard and a glutton (see Matthew 11:18-19).
The problem is that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we cannot convince others of our good intentions. In the end, all we do is waste our energy and our time.
As human beings, we all misunderstand each other. Like Stephen Covey says, "We see the world, not as it is, but as we are."1
Misunderstandings are our constant companions as we walk with Christ. A.W. Tozer says, "[The Christian life] means ostracism, misunderstanding, it means wandering lonely; it means that I carry upon me the stigma of the cross."2
Jesus closes the passage in Matthew with, "But wisdom is justified by her children" (Matthew 11:19, nkjv). Only the end result will show the spirit behind what we do. What people think of us in the meantime doesn't matter. However, we definitely can be tempted to be discouraged when we follow God closely, only to be misunderstood.
Dead Ends
When our hard work seems to accomplish nothing, we are prone to discouragement. "We've worked hard all night," said the disciples, "and haven't caught anything" (Luke 5:5).
We expect our labors to result in something good, but often this is not the case. Maybe a man works 10 or 12 hours a day trying to make a living and support his family, but they only get further in debt. Maybe a woman studies to pass important exams but then fails them instead. We wonder, "What is the point of all my labor?"
Think of the story of Adoniram Judson. Forsaking a comfortable life in America, he and his wife, Nancy, traveled to Burma to preach the Gospel. They worked seven long years before they saw anyone come to Christ and watched as many fellow missionaries died or went home. Every one of their children died. Adoniram was imprisoned, and finally Nancy died as well. Although they had been clearly called by God, the Judsons faced constant hardships without seeing much fruit.3
Remember Elijah? He fled for his life and was discouraged to the point that he "prayed that he might die" (1 Kings 19:4). What discouraged Elijah was how everyone else had fallen away. He put so much effort into the ministry, but where was the result? "I am the only one left," he said (1 Kings 19:10).
Most of us have all kinds of unmet expectations. Maybe you expected to be healed by now. Perhaps you waited for the check or the telephone call to come or simply for a certain person to be kind to you. After all, you have prayed, so where are the results?
It is good to remember in these times that we don't see the end of our story yet. When Elijah had no way of knowing, God saw the 7,000 men who had not bowed their knee to Baal (see 1 Kings 19:18). God sees more than we can see, and He knows the good end to our story.
Our Own Failures
Another reason for discouragement is our introspection as we look at our failures. We look back into our own lives and see how many times we have failed, and then discouragement seeks to pull us down.
Peter looked back at all his failures and thought, "It's all over for me. I am going back to my old profession, fishing."
"But, Peter," we might say, "Why are you doing that? Aren't you the one who spoke truthfully of the deity of Christ? Jesus Himself said to you, 'And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church' (Matthew 16:18). You are the one who walked on the water. You are one of the three disciples chosen to be so close to God!"
And Peter might have responded to us,
"All that you said is true. But really, I am just like Judas. I used vulgar words to swear that I didn't know my Lord. I am not worthy to be His disciple anymore. I am a failure."
Are you one who goes back like Peter and fishes out memories from the past? Maybe you listen to demons who tell you that you are a failure and that there is no hope. And the more you think about it, the more you end up agreeing with those thoughts: "I am too much of a sinner," you say. "I don't know if I can make it."
Perhaps you just don't know how to get back up again after failure. Maybe you don't feel that you can trust yourself anymore. Maybe you can't imagine that people will believe in you again.
We may not be able to trust ourselves, but we can trust God. Read the words of Saint John Chrysostom, who walked closely with God in the early days of the Church: "God is called a God of consolation, a God of mercy, because he is constantly working to encourage and console those who are distressed and afflicted even if they have sinned ten thousand times."4
God believes in you. Peter's life did not end in destruction and despair. God is greater than all your failures too.
Physical Exhaustion
Physical weariness and health problems can cause discouragement too. Our bodies get tired, hungry and sick, and it seems we are too discouraged to go on. Elijah experienced this. He was so exhausted that an angel had to tell him, "Get up and eat" (1 Kings 19:5).
It happens to me too. Sometimes I don't want to see anyone. I think about how overwhelming the task is, and by that alone, I feel worn out.
Self-Sufficiency
Another reason for discouragement is pride and an unbroken spirit. One of the surest ways for discouragement to find its way into our lives is when we are unwilling to admit that we can't accomplish everything in our own strength. When we resist God's grace and insist that we are sufficient, we exhaust ourselves and get nowhere.
If there ever was a man who could have easily relied on his own strength, on his powerful heritage and education, it was the Apostle Paul. Added to that was the amazing experience of being taken into the heavens and shown incredible things. This was so wonderful that Paul wasn't given permission to say anything about the revelations he had seen (see 2 Corinthians 12:1-4).
Yet it was Paul who pleaded with the Lord three times that his "thorn in the flesh" might be removed. It sounds like he was discouraged by his circumstances, and his expectations were unmet. But God replied to his pleas, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9, nkjv).
When we are depending on ourselves,
God will often use discouraging circumstances to show us our need for Him. Godly Bible teacher Zac Poonen tells us,
When God orders your circumstances in such a way that you are disappointed on every side, that shouldn't discourage you.
It is just God weaning you away from the arm of the flesh so that you might learn to live by faith in Him.5
The psalmist answers his own question in Psalm 42:5 with, "Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence" (Psalm 42:5b, nasb). And that trust is the beginning of our way to victory.