Part 4
God's gift to you?" The body gives expression to the impulses of the heart. A gentle smile, eyes that shine from an affectionate word, or a tender touch of the hand can lead to an ardent embrace and caresses of final fulfillment in union. The body is the soul made visible.
From a letter: The attraction to the opposite sex is natural, but it is not sufficient ground by far on which to marry or found a family. It is quite natural that when a man loves a woman, he wants to know if she is the "right" one. There is only one answer to this ques tion: both must feel that a marital relationship will lead them nearer to Jesus.
I can well imagine –in actual fact, I know it for sure –that the right choice for a spouse is not the one who is most attractive erotically, but the one whose companionship will lead both partners closer to Jesus. If marriage is based only on physical attraction, it will go to pieces easily.
From a letter: In considering a partner for life, do not let your feelings of affection move casually from one person to another. Test your feelings before Jesus. The step of marriage is right for a Christian only if he is assured that it will lead him closer to Jesus, and that both partners will serve Jesus more fully together than alone. I do not believe that a Christian should get
married purely to satisfy his physical and emotional desires. A personal, emotional desire needs to be there, but it should not be the decisive factor.
From a letter: If you are thinking of binding another soul to your life through marriage, learn to love, learn to be open-hearted, and learn to consider the other person first.
From a letter: I mean it seriously and for your well-be ing: it is better to be sure now – before you make any commitment to each other – whether or not it is God's will that you two belong together. To have doubts once you have committed yourself through an engagement is terrible, but to have doubts once you are married is unbelievably more terrible. May God make it clear to you whether or not you really belong together. It would be better to have a shocking end to your rela tionship than a shock without end. I say this to you out of love. May God lead you.
From a letter: Your question "Why do I feel attracted toward this boy if he is not meant for me but for someone else?" is a bit of a rebellious one. It accuses someone higher than yourself. Ultimately it accuses God. Human nature being what it is, we often feel attractions that we have no choice but to reject. That is
simply part of our human weakness. Who is destined for you, or whether or not someone is destined for you, is not for me to say. The important thing for you is to give your life to Jesus.
Jesus takes the bond of marriage so seriously that he calls even a lustful glance "adultery in the heart." He speaks so sharply about this because he wants to pro tect the wonderful and holy gift of unity between two people.
Marriage
Mt. 5:28
In a true marriage a man and a woman become one first of all in spirit. This means that they are one in faith, one in their experience of God, and united in the purity of the church.
Second, marriage means that a man and a woman are one in soul. One can be of one spirit with any be lieving person. But there is a difference in the bond that exists between a married couple and between oth ers. There is a special love between these two, and a special joy when they are near to one another. Because they love one another quite specifically, they are faith ful to one another and keep their relationship pure.
Third, marriage means that a couple becomes one flesh through the act of physical union. If this union is broken by unfaithfulness, it is a terrible sin, because – in God's eyes – everything in the marriage is smashed. What was first a blessing becomes a curse, and noth ing is left except the hope that through repentance and God's grace something new can be given again. There
is no excuse for adultery, especially not for anyone who believes in Jesus.
The blessing of God is on any couple –young or old–who experiences unity in the right order: first unity of one spirit, then oneness of heart and soul, and then physical union. Too often a couple becomes one in body when there is little oneness of heart and only very little oneness of spirit.
We take Jesus' words in the Sermon on the Mount about lust, divorce, and remarriage very seriously and maintain a sharp stand against sexual immorality. No Bruderhof member may divorce and then remarry, and no remarried person may become a committed member while continuing to live in such a marriage relationship if a former spouse is still living.
Mt. 5:27-32
We believe in life-long faithfulness, also for the sake of any children there may be. The covenant of marriage between two people must be a covenant for life, and it cannot be tampered with: "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
Mt. 19:6
The basis of a true marriage is love to Jesus. You must accept Jesus as a living power into your relationship. You must surrender completely to him.
It is the task of the man to represent Jesus as the head, but this also means that he must follow Jesus' example of lowliness. A man who does not want to be lowly cannot be a disciple.
Eph. 5:23
The task of the woman is to represent Jesus as the Body, the church. She must take the example of Mary, who said, "Here am I, the lowly handmaiden of the Lord." If she cannot accept this, she is not a Christian.
Lk. 1:38
In the deepest sense, marriage leads to community. As God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." Out of one being he made two–man and woman–and in marriage these two become one again.
Gen. 2:18
A marriage will last only if both partners have hum ble and open hearts. Jealousy and self-importance will always try to enter their relationship and separate them, but love will overcome, because it is "neither arrogant nor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the truth." This also means that love forgives. When you are married, you find out day by day that your partner is not perfect. But if you can forgive your spouse, every day will be a new beginning, and every day will contain new joy. "Love bears all things, hopes and believes all things." Nothing is too heavy to carry if there is love. Even if a difficult situa tion confronts you as a couple, love will hold you firm with hope and faith, for it endures all things.
1 Cor. 13:4-6
1 Cor. 13:7
Faithfulness in marriage is of crucial importance for the inner life of each partner. There is a deep connec tion between married love in its spiritual and emo
tional aspects on the one hand, and sexual union on the other. When two people become one flesh in a true marriage, their physical uniting has a very deep connection with God. Should their sexual relationship become separated from him, it becomes a sinful thing even within marriage. Having a marriage certificate does not give one the freedom to live for the body and its appetites.
Because of the unique intimacy and mystery of the sex ual sphere in marriage, an unparalleled uniting takes place when each partner surrenders completely to the other. This uniting is the organic expression of married love, whose very goal is the mutual giving of self. Each partner knows the secret of the other, and it is God's will that only this one man and this one woman keep that secret and do not pass it on to any one else.
Our main calling is to follow Jesus, whatever the cost. If we are given the gift of a partner, it should double our dedication to Jesus, not weaken it. Marriage should lead us closer to Jesus.
We pray that those who enter marriage may allow nothing to separate them from the love of God, what ever may happen; for his love is always there to hold each of them and both of them together through need and suffering as well as through times of joy.
The bond of marriage is a promise to be faithful through thick and thin, through good days and hard days, and to be completely dependent on the love of God for the whole of life.
One of the greatest dangers in marriage is nagging – showing dissatisfaction over very little things because one feels one's partner is not perfect. If a person always thinks he is in the right, he will not be open to love. He might fear God and listen to his will and his Word, but the Enemy will always be watching to tempt him, even if in little things. When nagging begins in a mar riage, love will slowly cool off. We must be aware of this danger. But if we are willing to dare all things, hope all things, and forgive all things, then every day will be a new experience of love, even if our marriage goes through hard days.
From a letter: I think you must seriously ask yourself whether you have shown sufficient love and patience to your wife, and whether you went out of your way to understand her situation and her needs. A husband should lead the family, but this means that his first duty is to understand the needs of his wife and chil dren. Without understanding them, he cannot show them love or give them leadership.
From a letter: When the situation between you and your husband becomes clear in your hearts before God, who alone sees everything, you will recognize that there are wrongs on both sides. Read 1 Corin thians 13:4–7 with your inner eye turned to your marriage:
Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one. Love is neither boastful nor conceited, neither rude nor selfish; not quick to take offense. Love keeps no score of wrongs, does not gloat over other's sins, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.
1 Cor. 13:4-7
If you read this, I think you will feel that both of you are guilty, and that you both have offended love in your marriage.
From a letter: I think you are right that your husband is wounded in his heart. You cannot heal his hurt, but you can humble yourself. Humility has a healing effect on a person whom we have hurt. The Bible says, "Wives, be subject to your husbands" and "The hus band is the head of the family."
Eph. 5:22-24
I know you have your own burden to carry, and you are right, you must lay it down at the foot of the cross so that healing and forgiveness can be given. Part of laying everything down at the cross is feeling sorry to
the depths of our hearts for what we have done. I think of you both in great love and will pray for you.
From a letter: Dear brother, be absolutely silent be fore God, and listen with your heart to the voice of God. Seek him together with your wife. It is God who joined you together; it is God who will hold you together; it is God who will protect you.
Sex The sexual aspect of marriage is by no means the most important part of the relationship. The significance of sex is exaggerated today in a thoroughly unhealthy way. Love between man and woman is seen too often only in an animal sense, as a sexual impulse, and its true significance is utterly missed.
Obviously, there are differences in the biological make up of the male and the female. But it is completely materialistic to think that the difference between man and woman is merely biological. A woman longs to absorb her beloved one into herself. She is designed by nature to receive and to endure; to conceive, to bear, to nurse, and to protect. It is part of the evil of our time that women revolt against carrying the burden and pain of pregnancy and birth. A man, on the other hand, desires to enter into his beloved one and become one with her; he is made to initiate and penetrate rather than to receive.
A true man represents Christ as the head, even if he is a very weak person. But this must not be taken as if he were an overlord. His is the apostolic task: "Go out and gather! Teach all people. Submerge them in the atmosphere of God, in the life of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." Women are in no way excluded from this task, but it is in a special way the duty of the man.
Mt. 28:19-20
It is quite clear that the differences between man and woman are not absolute. A true woman will represent Christ and the apostolic truth, and a true man will have in him the submission and humility of Mary.
Today's religion is psychology, and psychology analyzes man as an animal and not as an image of God. Freud is right on many points, but he forgets the main factor: God. Because he analyzes man as if he were not made in the image of God, he explains the sexual urge as man's motivating force. He even sees the relationship of child to father and mother as based on sex.
Psychologists are right in teaching that there are many urges in us–not only sexual urges, but also the desire for property and for power. But their conclusion that it is not good to suppress these urges is wrong. It completely ignores the reality of God and the fact that man was created in his image.
The love and unity between two people in a marriage is deeply symbolic. The Apostle Paul says, "I take it to
Eph. 5:32 mean Christ and the church." Such are the holy terms in which marriage is presented, and for this reason it needs to be completely subordinated to God. Its real nature can be understood only in relation to Christ and to eternity. The moment the sensual or sexual sphere is isolated from God and treated as an end in itself, the soul becomes defiled and sick. Certainly, sex is something distinct from love; yet there must be a deep harmony between sex and married love.
Sex is intrinsically intimate and mysterious, and it should remain so because of its close connection with love, the deepest and most spiritual of all experiences. It would be a serious error to believe that when two people meant by God for each other become one flesh, it is solely for the purpose of procreation. It is simply not true that marriage is purposeful only in this lim ited sense.
In contrast to all other areas of bodily experience, the sphere of sex is deep in and of itself. Its sensuality has certain essential elements that penetrate to the very roots of man's physical being and directly into his soul. It has a depth and an earnestness that reaches far be yond the limits of the body and into the experiences of mind and spirit.
Therefore when a man surrenders himself to lust he is defiled in quite a different way than, for instance, by gluttony. Satisfying sexual lust wounds man in his innermost heart and being; it attacks and harms the soul at its core.
The sexual aspect of the sensual sphere has a central place in man because there body, soul, and spirit meet as they do in no other area of human experience. Thus the sexual life has an intimacy all its own which the individual instinctively hides from others. Sex is his secret, something that he feels touches on his inmost being. Every disclosure in this sphere reveals something intimate and personal and lets another person into his secret. That is why the area of sex is also the area of shame: we are ashamed to unveil our secret before oth ers.
How dreadful is a time and age in which man so de spises himself and his human worth that all sense of shame is lost! To the pure man the sexual sphere is his own individual secret, and when it is uncovered, it is uniquely revealed as the complete surrender of self in wedlock to only one person.
The sex revolution of today is destroying the inner soul of man. We want to witness with our lives to something quite different: the fact that absolute purity and faithfulness in marriage are possible.
The whole idea of the sexual relationship between man and woman comes from God. It is nothing to be ashamed of; it is simply too holy to be constantly talked about.
Because of its unique nature, sex can take two very different forms: it can be an awe-inspiring, mysterious, noble, chaste, and peaceful act, in which case it will have a redeeming effect. But it can also be a forbidden surrender to naked lust, and then it will sicken the soul of man and become the domain of evil and of diabolical appeal.
Desecration of any sort is sin. If I abuse a human be ing by treating him as a thing instead of a human being, I violate his dignity as an image of God. It is desecration to seduce another human being with no thought of responsibility for his or her soul. It is a crime against the spirit, soul, and body of the other person and against oneself.
To seduce a person of the same sex is even more ter rible. It is godless and perverse, and the Old and New Testaments, as well as the early church fathers, speak earnestly against it.
To enter marriage solely in order to satisfy physical de sire is completely out of the question. But one cannot deny the senses entirely. When you hear lovely singing, you do not deny your sense of hearing. And when you see the beauty of God's creation, you do not deny your sense of sight. When you smell spring and flowers, you do not deny your sense of smell. The same is true of the sense of sex. Divorced from God, sex is horrible darkness; that is true. But if you try to deny it com pletely, you force yourself into something unnatural.
People come much too close to the fire of love and sex without any inner foundation. They go into sexual relationships lightly, without reverence for God, and their inner life is destroyed. Even faithfulness in mar riage has become more and more uncommon. Yet God remains faithful, and he wants us to be faithful.
From a letter: Sex has no purpose apart from mar riage. Outside of marriage it is sinful. The Bible de mands chastity before it and outside of it; that is very clear. So if you have not always followed the chaste and pure way, then you must find forgiveness in order to stand upright before God. But Jesus wants to give you this forgiveness.
We must recognize that to give up marriage is a great sacrifice. But to belong completely and undividedly to Christ is a great gift. In a sense, a relationship with Christ can acquire deeper meaning for a single person than for a married person, because his or her heart can be directed solely toward Christ, and a complete and undivided personal relationship with him is possible.
Celibacy
Christ compares the kingdom of God to a marriage banquet more than once. He calls the soul to union with him, and he wants to give himself undividedly to each person. There is nothing that surpasses the in ner warmth, tenderness, and fruitfulness of unity with Jesus. This highest, most intimate bond of the soul can fill any void. Think, for instance, of the many believers through history who suffered in prison for years –even decades–for the sake of their faith. Through grace, each of us can find this bond of love and unity too.
In Luke 14:16 –20, Jesus speaks of those who reject his invitation to the banquet for love of other things. Ultimately, it is a matter of becoming totally undivid ed. In order to be wholly filled by God and completely free to follow him, we must be inwardly empty of all else. The danger of a divided heart is especially great when we are concerned with things or people wor thy of love. When our inner eye is no longer directed toward Christ alone, then motherhood, fatherhood, family, children, and even the community of life and love in marriage can become idols that easily absorb our love.
Lk. 14:16-20
We must give our hearts solely to God. Our love to him and to Christ must become so strong that we are joyfully prepared for any sacrifice. It is our prayer that we may die so that Christ may radiate from us; that we may no longer live for ourselves, but Christ in us.
From a letter: You ask if Jesus is calling you to re nounce marriage for the sake of the kingdom of hea ven. I believe that such a call to celibacy is possible, and not only for those with a Catholic background. But I would be hesitant to make such a vow hastily; it would have to be very carefully considered beforehand.
From a letter: I can well imagine your inner need and struggle in giving up marriage, though you should know that you are not the only one who has gone through pain and lacks inner peace in this question. Ultimately, we all have to be willing to be used by God as he wills. The thought that God does not love you is certainly of the devil. You are clinging too much to one great gift –marriage–while there are other much great er gifts that God also wants to give you. The greatest gift is a burning love to Christ. We should be willing to give up everything for this.
From a letter: In every human being there is the long ing for a partner, and there is nothing wrong in this –
it is put into man by God. Yet in discipleship to Jesus we can find the fulfillment of this longing without marriage, even if it is rarely given without great pain, many tears, and anguish of heart.
I wish for you that you might find such a healing in Christ–such a fullness and richness that there is no place in your life left void or empty. This is possible only through finding a deep dedication to Jesus him self and through feeling his grace in the depths of your heart.
May your life be guided only by Christ, in whatever way he wants it, so that when you come to the end of your life, or when Christ returns to this earth, you will stand as a prepared virgin with a trimmed lamp.
Family Life *
Jesus said that only children –or those who are like them–will enter the kingdom of God. Unlike adults, children are not divided, dualistic beings. They are one whole; they are vulnerable; they are wholly dependent on father and mother. Christ calls us to become like children, and this means we must drop everything and become completely dependent on God and on one another.
Children
Mk. 10:14-15
If we as parents love God with all our heart and soul, our children will have the right reverence for us, and we will also have reverence for our children and for the wonderful mystery of becoming and being a child. Reverence for the spirit that moves between parent and child is the basic element of a true family life.
cf. Mt. 18:3-6
The disciples came to Jesus and asked, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' He called a child, set him in front of them, and said, 'I tell you this:
Mt. 18:1-3
* For this chapter extensive use has been made of the author's pamphlet The Purity of Childhood (Plough, 1974).
unless you turn around and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'"
These words of Jesus tell us what great value the soul of a little child has in the eyes of God. We can be
Lk. 12:7 sure that every hair of every child is counted by God,
Mt. 18:10 and that every child has a guardian angel who always has access to the throne of God.
The innocence of a child is an enormous blessing. However, there is an inclination to sin in every child, and therefore we must lead children in the right way so that they do not lose their childlikeness–that is, their
Mt. 18:6 purity of heart. It is a terrible crime to lead a child to sin.
It is very important for parents and educators to implant in each child a deep love for God, for Jesus, and for other people. Parents and educators should tell children about Jesus: how he was born in a stable, how he lived and worked, how he healed the sick, how he loved children and blessed them, how he died on the cross and rose again, and what significance the angelworld had in his life. It is important to have a childlike attitude toward the angel-world and toward the life of Jesus. Children experience spiritual things in a much more real and deep way than we suspect.
It is more important to lead children to a burning love for Christ than to teach them –much less force them–to say regular prayers that do not come from
the heart each morning or evening. Children can learn to love God through songs and stories from the Bible and from hearing about the life of Jesus. The first task of parents and educators is to awaken in children a love for Christ. Then an inner urge to pray to him will also awaken in them.
It is no use to know the Bible inside out, or to make children learn it inside out, if God does not speak directly to the heart. We need to be very careful not to put religious pressure on children; we want them to have a simple, childlike attitude toward God, toward Jesus, and toward the Bible.
Just as we must cleanse our own hearts continually, so we must prepare the hearts of our children so that they may become good soil for the Word of God. God suf fers when a heart is like a hard-trodden or rocky path, or when it is full of thorns. Preaching, however, does not make good soil; it often hardens the heart.
We have our own nursery for our children from the age of six weeks and up, and we look after our young people at least through high school, if not further.*
* The Bruderhof has its own nursery, kindergarten, and first through tenth grades, with personalised study toward the GED. Further training beyond that is considered and made available on an individual basis.
But we do not believe that the church community has the main authority for educating children –the parents do. The home is the foundation of education. Those who care for children at school or elsewhere can only complement the spiritual atmosphere of the home.
A child's inner security begins in his relationship with his parents. The Ten Commandments do not say
Ex. 20:12 in vain, "Honor father and mother." We have found that when a child does not learn to honor his father and mother, he often finds it hard to fit into society in later life.
From a letter: For a child the fear of God must begin with fear of father and mother. The idea of fearing
Dt. 6:13 God is biblical, but this does not mean that a child should be afraid of his parents or afraid of God. It sim ply means he should have deep reverence, deep respect, and deep love for them.
From a letter: It has been said that the first four years of a child's life are the most crucial in his education.* If a child has reverence for his parents and for God when he is three or four years old, then the battle is won. But if his self-will is victorious at this age, it will be very difficult to overcome later.
* See Friedrich Wilhelm Foerster, Hauptaufgaben der Erziehung (Freiburg, 1959), p. 69.
From a letter: As regards children's education, I would say that in general I am wary of extremes – of the pen dulum swinging from one side to the other, from hard ness to softness, from depression to exaggerated joy, from a negative approach to a positive approach that no longer sees any real problems. One must find a way that tackles all difficulties in patience, joy, and loving clarity.
As parents we must overcome the illusion that our children are good. We must be careful not to have too rosy a view of them, and we must not be touchy if someone questions their behavior. We must love our children so much that we are ready to fight for their souls.
From a letter: You say that you feel completely help less in connection with your child's difficult behavior. Please do not hide behind this excuse. All of us are helpless and dependent on God; you are no different. But it is a sin to throw up your hands and cry out, "We are helpless." As parents, you are called by God to help your child and to love him, but also to fight for him and to be firm or even strict when necessary. The main thing is for you to win your child's heart.
From a letter: You are concerned about your chil dren's selfishness, self-centeredness, and unpeaceful ness. Take a firm stand against these things. Because your children want to be the center of attention, they become, as you write, bossy, touchy, and disrespectful. Turn away from the softness that you have confessed; but don't become harsh. That is not the answer either. You must find the right firmness in God's love. He does not tolerate the things you speak of. We fail our children when our emotional feelings and ties push us around.
From a letter: I plead with you to fight for your chil dren. There is no reason for despair if one fails again and again. One must simply keep up the fight. It can not be tolerated that a child goes to the dogs. Be com passionate, be strict, be gentle again. It will not always be easy going, but you are responsible before God for your children.
From a letter: I want to encourage you to have pa tience with your children. A certain sharpness toward children is healthy, but impatience is not. May God give us patient hearts.
From a letter: Thank you for your letter about your son. His behavior is quite normal for a two-year-old.
In my own upbringing, if my parents said something, then they meant it, and there was no way around it. This does not mean that we were always obedient at two years of age. But later it would have been unthink able for us to disobey our father or mother. They were not hard on us, but they were firm, and they did not tolerate the slightest doubt that they meant what they said.
From a letter: Thank you for your letter in which you tell about the trouble you have with your three-year old son. Children at this young age need an inwardly sure hand. Outbursts of sharpness are not good for them, but serious, firm, and kind leadership will help.
From a letter: It is quite natural that the difficult situ ation with your daughter pains you. It would be un natural if a mother did not feel such pain. But use it to deepen your faith in God, in Christ, and in the church. Then you will be able to find faith for your daughter and help her.
Augustine, the mystic, lived a sinful life as a young man, but he had a very devout mother, Monica, who did not stop believing and praying for him until he broke down and repented. Later he became a servant of Christ, and for centuries he has influenced people in their search for God. I wish you the faith of Monica.
It begins with the pain you are now suffering. In spite of all our pain, God is always greater. I greet you with much love.
From a letter: It is not a good trend that in our cen tury such important mysteries of life as the birth of a baby are explained in a purely scientific way. Even if we can give a biological explanation, and even if we can explain how two cells grow in the mother's womb, this is only half the truth. The most important things –the coming of a soul, the first smile, the capacities of the human heart and the riches it can experience –can never be explained. We stand before the invisible real ity of eternity.
It can be damaging to a child to tell him too much about sex, birth, and death, and everything must be done to avoid it. We definitely do not mean that chil dren should be brought up as prudes. But we believe that birth and death exist only in connection with the world of heaven and that they should be explained to children only in relation to God.
In spite of all that is wonderful about children, we must recognize that because they are human, they have inherited an inclination to sin. Whether it takes the
form of lying, stealing, a lack of reverence for parents and educators, or sexual impurity, evil must be fought in every child.
We must be careful not to spoil our children, even from a very early age. It harms a child's character to bring him up indulgently. Flabbiness is a sign of self ishness, and selfishness always leads to sin. Softness can also arise through an unhealthy emotional relationship between a child and his parent or educator.
How to fight against sin in children is a very dif ficult question. If there are indecencies, for example, which mostly begin with children exposing themselves to each other and sometimes touching each other, the child will feel instinctively that this is not right. These indecencies almost always involve lying. We must be careful not to make too much of such things among children. It may only draw their attention to the sexual area all the more. The best thing, perhaps, is to give them a small punishment and so close the matter, and then help them to think of other things.
We grown-ups too easily forget that many things do not mean the same to a child as they do to us, and we must never project our ideas and feelings and experi ences onto a child's mind. We must also never forget that it is in a certain way natural for children to go through periods of sexual curiosity. This cannot be mistaken for sin. But we should lead our children in such a way that their souls remain pure and innocent. Too much questioning can harm a child, because
through fear he may become more and more entangled in lies.
It is a great injustice to label children or adolescents, especially those who have offended in the sexual area. In our assessment of childish offenses, we should be ware of coming too quickly to harsh conclusions about the character of a child and his future development. Rather, we should help him to find new interests and to make a joyful new beginning.
We know that we can find the way to the heart of any child by appealing to his conscience. Every child has an instinctive longing in his heart for a pure con science, and we should support this longing, for he will suffer if his conscience is burdened.
There is a certain point at which a child is no longer a child in the true sense of the word. The moment he sins consciously, he ceases to be a child. It is then the task of his parents and teachers to help him find repen tance, the experience of Jesus on the cross, and a conversion that leads to the forgiveness of sins. Through the cross a lost childhood can be restored.
From a letter: There is no question that children differ in how they learn. Some children learn more through hearing, some through feeling, some through seeing, and so on. We must try to be just toward each child. We do not want to push every child toward an aca
demic career; that would be out of the question. The main thing is that a child is surrounded by love.
Academic work should and must be done, but woe to us if it is done at the expense of the childlike heart, or of the child himself. The stupid arrogance of teachers who think of themselves and others of their choosing as intellectually gifted, to the exclusion of still others, is pure sin. We must be ruled by Christ, the head of the Body. In him is true childlikeness, compassion, and mercy.
From a letter to a young child: In order to hear Jesus speak to us, it is important to listen to our hearts. When we feel love to God and to Jesus, to our father and mother and brothers and sisters, that is the voice of Jesus.
Youth It is a privilege to lead young people to Jesus, to show them how marvelous God's world is despite the terrible impurity, corruption, and darkness of our age. For young people it is especially important that their rever ence for God and their respect for father and mother is never extinguished, even if they do sin consciously.
Parents must seek a relationship of trust with their children from earliest childhood on and not wait until problems arise, say around the age of five or six. If
they wait too long, they may be able to gain outward obedience only and not the inner response and respect necessary to solve problems like lying, indecency, and disobedience. But if a relationship of trust and respect is achieved, it will be impossible for a child to resist his parents.
Some young people go through more difficult peri ods of development than others, and we must be care ful not to be too harsh and judgmental toward them. The main thing is that they are led to repentance, conversion, and faith. I do not believe that this can be achieved through hard punishment. As long as there is even a little flame of reverence for God and parents within them, the way to their hearts will remain open. However, where the last spark of reverence has been extinguished in a young person, one can only fight for conversion through prayer. We must remember that conversion can never be brought about by persuasion.
From a letter: Your son is now an adolescent, and you have a big responsibility. I would tell him that the magnetic powers of attraction between boys and girls are quite natural, but that they must be ruled by God and reserved for the one person whom God might later give him in marriage. You can also tell him about the physical relationship between husband and wife. I think you have already laid a good foundation for his knowledge of the facts of life, but in high school he
will hear plenty about these things, and it is better he hears them from you first.
From a letter: I would speak very clearly and openly to your son about the physical changes he will go through, and tell him that if he keeps his body pure now, it will not be difficult later in life. If he is not able to keep himself pure now, he will have a hard struggle later. I would also tell him that sex is meant only for marriage. There is no other place for it, and he should keep himself pure for the one girl God may one day give him. It may not be easy to put this into words –everything you say must be said in the light of God and with reverence for him. But I am sure he will show you the right way.
My father always had an open heart for young people, but he never made concessions to worldliness or eroti cism. Having a big heart never means making conces sions to the devil.
From a letter to a 17-year-old: Dear brother, I am glad that you want to make a new beginning. I think you have been a very proud young man. Read the Old and New Testaments, and you will see how pride hinders God from speaking to man and working in him. Your everyday life has revolved around yourself, though I
thank God that you now want to turn away from your self-centeredness. Be an example of dedication and humility, and be a witness for Jesus at the high school. This is something so badly needed in our time.
From a letter: I often think of the words of Jesus,
Mt. 16:26 "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world at the price of his soul?" especially when I see what our youth is taught today in the area of psychology. I am afraid for their souls. What makes me uneasy is that man's lower instincts are put in the center and viewed as harmless simply because they are natural. It is a ter rible thing to teach people about the human soul with out teaching them about its relationship to God.
From a letter to a disabled child: You have a weak body, but you have a living soul. Thank God for this. There are many people in this world who have a strong body and a dull soul. Actually all people, even if they are strong and healthy, depend on God and on Jesus. Only sometimes they do not realize it. The wonderful thing is that you do. Hold firmly to this, and Jesus will lead you through everything.
From a letter: You are never too young to give your life to Jesus, and you are never too young to feel his
closeness. I am thankful that you want to give every thing up to God and that you want to be humble. Hold on to this longing through all struggles –your life will surely bring them, for there is no life of dis cipleship without need and struggle. I wish you the protection of God in all you may go through. May the pierced hands of Jesus hold you firmly as you hold firmly to him.
From a letter: You are right; the main thing is not joining the Bruderhof, but following Christ. If you are clear about this, God will show you the way to do it best. We will support you even if your way is not the way of community.
From a letter: To think only about God's unending patience and forgiveness makes him into something quite different from what he really is. God is to be feared: it is terrible to fall into his hands. Your idea of God is not God; it is the tool of an impudent young woman. You have been running your own life. I plead with you to have reverence for the wrath of God.
From a letter: It is good to realize that following Jesus may cost much suffering and perhaps even death for his sake. In this connection you must take a stand against the evil you meet in the world, also at the high
school. I can well understand that there is a lot that tempts you, especially in the way of impurity. But if you take a stand for Jesus, his clear light will give you a disgust for all sin. May Jesus guide you every day, and may you never stray from his will.
From a letter to a 13-year-old: Already at your age you have to make a decision either for or against Jesus. If you do not decide for him, you will decide against him. This is simply a fact; you cannot sit on the fence.
From a letter to a college student: Jesus says that he is the good shepherd and that his sheep know him and know his voice. You belong to his flock, and I hope you find moments of quiet to hear his voice for inner refreshment. I know there are many things in the city that distract you and tire you out, including the many hours you have to work every day. But it remains that your inner life is more important than your getting a degree, even if you are already very close to reaching that goal. I encourage you to hold on. It is good for one's character to stick something out to the end.
Jn. 10:14
Christ laid down his life for the church, and he loves her deeply. But he is also the Savior of the church, and the church is subject to him. In marriage, the bride is compared to the church and the bridegroom to Christ.
Family Ties
Christ loves his church not only with gentle words: he also disciplines her with sharpness. We must be careful that a soft emotionalism does not enter our family life, either between husband and wife or between parents and children. Emotionalism ruins the Christlike clarity in a relationship.
Rev. 2:16,23
Eph. 5:22-33
From a letter: I understand your struggle to fulfill the commandment to honor father and mother. You write
that you love your father very much, and that is the main thing – that is the same as honoring him. But the fact that you have to disapprove of his ways is also right and true before God. Jesus says, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters – yes, his own life – he cannot be my disciple." The word "hate" should not shock you. Jesus does not teach hatred. Here "hate" means taking a stand against something wrong. If you accept both this passage and the com mand "Honor father and mother" as a guide, I think you will find the right attitude to your father and mother.
Lk. 14:26
Ex. 20:12
Jesus' demand for holiness reaches even into the clos-
est family relationships. He says, "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." If we
Mt. 10:37-38
want to be disciples of Jesus we must take these words seriously. Jesus also says, "By gaining his life, a man
Mt. 10:39 will lose it, but by losing his life for my sake, he will gain it." So if we lose ourselves completely for Jesus' sake, we will gain eternal life. But if we cling to our own ideas and ideals, to our property, family, or chil dren, we will lose everything.
From a letter: I think you have tied your grown chil dren too tightly to yourself, which has also brought division between you and your husband. Your daugh ters were not free before God. Parents must give their children freedom already when they are small, but even more so when they have grown up. I do not mean freedom to do evil, but freedom from all emotional ties that bind them in a wrong way to father and mother.
We need to learn the meaning of Jesus' words, "He
Lk. 14:26 who does not hate father, mother, wife, and children cannot be my disciple." Jesus does not mean a feeling of hatred; the New Testament says, "He who hates his
1 Jn. 3:15 brother is a murderer." Jesus means that we must put him first, above the emotional ties of family life. Of ten these emotional ties are mixed with mammonism, though not always. We must be sharp on ourselves and take the decisive stand of Christ. It is clear that a fam ily without love is godless, but a family ruled by the clouded emotions of blood-ties will have no love to
God and Christ. Let us love one another only with the love of Christ and the love of the Holy Spirit. Then the God-given ties between father, mother, and children will have his blessing.
Illness and Death
From a letter: All sickness is a form of evil, yet we must accept it as from God's hand. It is a paradox –a paradox that we can also see on the cross. The cross was God's way of redeeming man, but it was also a work of the devil.
From a letter: I can well understand the fear you feel in the face of your upcoming operation; I would also be afraid. But I believe that you are in the hands of God and that he understands your fear. In the Bible there are endless encouraging verses which tell us not to fear but to remain firm in God. That is what I wish for you. Give your life trustingly into his hands.
From a letter: I would advise you not to be so wor ried about your health. It would drive the healthiest person crazy to constantly feel his pulse or listen to his heartbeat. The real question is your fear of death and the unknown. Most probably you will still live a num ber of decades. But you will have to face the question of eternity. All of us should live life so as to be able to
face eternity at any time. Shortly before my aunt died, she seemed to glimpse eternity, and she said, "It is so wonderful –so wonderful! It is so much more real than life down here on earth." This attitude was the fulfill ment of a dedicated life. I wish you this and greet you with love.
From a letter: You write that you seem to be going downhill physically. But I believe that Jesus will help you with his love and power, if not through physical healing, then by giving you inner peace and joy to bear your sickness. I thank God that you are always able to find inner peace in turning to Jesus. It is a gift that you can see your need as small, at least in the face of the need of the whole world. Such a recognition can come only from God. I pray for strength and guidance for you.
From a letter: Don't fall prey to your dark and fear ful thoughts. If you are afraid of everything –afraid of yourself, your weakness, your sinfulness, afraid of other people, afraid of making mistakes, and on and on–your soul will become sick.
You are right in saying, "The only true healing is faith in Jesus." What a wonderful truth this is! In Jesus all fears vanish. Hold on to this.
James writes that if someone is seriously ill, he should call the elders of the church, and they should pray for him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. He also writes in this connection, "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, and you will find healing; for the true prayer of the righteous has real power."
Jas. 5:14-16
In this sense we intercede for someone who is very ill with the laying on of hands, anointing him in order to give him our full inner support and full forgive ness–if there is anything to be forgiven. No matter how serious his illness, his life is in the arms of God and the church.
From a letter: What must we do to receive the gift of healing? In 1 Corinthians 12 it clearly says that the gift of healing is given to the church, although not to every member. The condition for receiving such a great gift is spiritual poverty and a pure heart before God. So if the gift of healing is not given to us, it is very possibly our own fault. But it also might be that it is not God's will.
1 Cor. 12
The powerful gift of healing which God gave the Blumhardts* was remarkable. Yet at the end of his life the younger Blumhardt withdrew more and more
* Johann Christoph Blumhardt (1805-1880), south-German pastor, author, and theologian; Christoph Friedrich Blumhardt (1842-1919), his son and successor.
from using this gift, because he felt God was no longer being honored in the miraculous healings that took place. People were healed, but only in the flesh. And afterward they talked and boasted about their healing. Some were even honored and glorified for it. Blum hardt felt that unless healing was accompanied by re pentance, God could no longer work through him.
Blumhardt's attitude should challenge us: when God gives us a gift, he wants us to accept it quietly. If the grace of healing is given to us, we ourselves should not be honored; God should be honored.
Blumhardt often warned, "When grace is given to you, keep it a secret between you and God, and don't make a religious show of it. Remain natural and honor God." He also emphasized that healing is not the most important thing; sickness is no sin. It is more impor tant to give your life to God, even if you are sick, than to be healed and then forget God. "If God heals you, be joyful, but be just as joyful in sickness."
From a letter: In these last days God has spoken to us all through the sudden death in your family. We want to carry your pain with you. I know it will not go away quickly. But it may be God's will that it doesn't. Pain deepens something in one's heart and life.
After the death of a baby: It is very hard to understand why a human life is sent by God to live on earth for only one hour. We stand here before a mystery that
God alone understands. We may ask, "Why did this happen? Why? Why?" Only God knows. And we be lieve in him and in his Son, the Good Shepherd, also for little lambs such as this tiny baby.
Shortly before the death of the author's child: We simply do not know what the will of God is –whether this child is destined for life or not–but we do know that if it is his will, the child will become healthy. I feel it as a promise, after the doctors have said they can do noth ing, that if we believe, Jesus Christ can do anything. In some way, through this little child, the will of God and the mercy of God will be shown. Only when man ceases to be able to do anything can the work of Christ begin. He can work only when we give him our trust and our faith completely and without reserve. We should depend on nothing material or external, neither on money nor on doctors, but on Jesus Christ alone.
After the death of the author's child: Death is destruc tion; death is division and separation. But Jesus unites, and perfect life means perfect unity. Where Jesus is at work, unity is created. Therefore we challenge all to take part in this unity. Those who do not gather, scat ter and separate, and those who separate and destroy serve death. But those who unite serve Jesus, and one day he will gather them into eternity.
From a letter: Dear sister, I can well understand that you still suffer under the loss of your father. It is never easy to cope with death and the need it brings; death is the enemy of God and will be overcome only at the last resurrection.
But we must also see that for those who have fol lowed Christ, death means closeness to him. It is un derstandable that the thought of eternity shakes you. But you should not look fearfully into the future. Give everything over to Jesus.
From a letter: I am very sorry that you have to bear such a heavy loss. A painful experience like this, the death of your child, always reminds us that this earth is not yet fully our home, nor will be until Jesus Christ is its only ruler, and sin, death, sorrow, fear, and pain are completely overcome and vanquished. But until that day–the greatest of all days –we can be sure that your child and all children are in Jesus' hands.
In regard to the question of praying for someone who has died, I have to admit that I do not know just what the right answer is. I don't know whether you are fa miliar with the following passage from the Gospel of John, or whether you have ever accepted it in your heart. It says:
Jn. 5:24-28
Truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes Him who sent me, has eternal life; he
does not come into judgment but has passed from death to life. Truly, I say to you, the hour is coming, and now is, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who hear will live. For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself and has given him authority to execute judgment, because he is the Son of Man. Do not marvel at this; for the hour is coming when all who are in the tombs will hear his voice.
Read this passage and consider it deeply before God. Perhaps it will show you the depth of his love.
All men fear death. But Christ promises something that overcomes death and stands through all eternity: his eternal love. Here is something that reaches into the depths of being and into future paths of forgive ness–despite even physical death –and leads us into the kingdom of God.
It is our daily prayer to experience Jesus as dwelling within us. But we know that he also sits at the right hand of the Father and rules over angel-worlds, pow ers, and principalities, as well as over his church. We can only have an inkling of the supercosmic greatness of these mysterious realities.
Jesus told his disciples in farewell that he would
Jn. 14:2 prepare a place for them. It remains an awe-inspiring
mystery what this place is, and what is happening there in eternity, in the star-worlds and angel-worlds, and among the souls who have died in Christ. When Ste-
Acts 7:55 phen was being stoned, he saw the heavens open and Jesus standing at the right hand of God, and later John
Rev. 1:14 saw Jesus with flaming eyes. I believe that when Jesus comes again, we, too, will see him in person.
The basic relationship of man to God, of which all other relationships are merely likenesses, is stronger than any human relationship. Ultimately, we stand before God. This shows most plainly when a person faces death. Anyone who has been at the bedside of a dying person knows how absolute in its significance is man's inner relationship and original bond with God; he realizes that in the end, when his last breaths are drawn, this relationship is the only thing that counts.
We know from the Gospels that love to God cannot be separated from love to one's neighbor. Man's way to God is through his brother. I have experienced it myself at deathbeds that if a man lives completely for his fellowmen, then God will be very close in the last hour, too.
From a letter: The fact that your son has had to bear so much suffering and pain already as a child will certainly be of great importance for his whole life, and also for yours. That children have to suffer is very strange. It is as if they are bearing someone else's guilt,
as if they are suffering because of the fall of creation. In a way they seem to be paying the wages of sin –even though it is sin in which they have taken no active part as of yet. I have often thought this over, and I believe that perhaps the suffering of children has a close con nection with the greatest suffering ever endured: God's suffering, Christ's suffering for lost creation. For it is children who are closer than anyone else to the heart of Jesus, and he points to them as an example for us. That is why I believe that the suffering of an innocent child always has great significance for the church.
In times of suffering, the most important thing is to keep and protect your inner joy, which is Jesus, the Risen One. Then his power, which is the power of light, will also be the power of healing.
The fight of any individual against sickness or death shows us the struggle in which we all are placed –the struggle against darkness. When an attack of darkness comes upon us, we must put ourselves completely on the side of the light of Jesus. We should not despair when human strength ceases, for it is just at that mo ment that Christ can begin. As we read in the Gospel
Jn. 12:35 of John, "The light is with you yet a little while. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness come upon you."
Evil and Darkness
We are living in a time when many people either be little evil or don't believe it exists at all. Because of this they understand neither the greatness of Golgotha nor the heaviness of God's final judgment. This judgment, which is described in the Revelation of John, cannot be understood unless we grasp the power of evil. If evil is seen as nothing especially serious, then there is no need to put up a serious fight against it.
The cross would not have been necessary if the power of evil were not so terrible. I have heard people ask, "Why couldn't God forgive sin without the sacri fice of Jesus?" This is a tempting question, but once we recognize the immense power of the evil that God had to fight, we will know there is no forgiveness without the cross.
There are people who try to understand the depths and secrets of Satan or who try to discover the source of evil. Certainly this is understandable, but it is not godly. The hearts of too many people in our society are burdened and troubled with what they have learned about murder, fornication, and other evils. A true
Christian should be a child toward evil and have no experience in its secrets.
Modern man thinks too materialistically; he does not see that there is a power of good and a power of evil quite apart from him, and that the course of his life depends on the power to which he opens his heart.
As a young man I lived in Nazi Germany, and I knew people there who were actually quite harmless but who were gripped and driven by something very evil. And even though there were many – more than we know –who died in protesting this evil, the major ity gave in to it. It was not only a few men ruling over a nation; Germany was ruled by evil spiritual powers or demons.
We believe that today, as in Christ's time, demons can be driven out and away and that when Christ returns to the earth, all men will live in complete free dom, although judgment must certainly take place first.
We run into the occult again and again, especially in colleges and high schools. Yet we sharply reject any form of contact with demonic powers, and we warn our children against such contact too. There are things of Satan which we should know nothing about. To put it plainly, we should be ignorant of those things. We simply do not want to know anything about them.
Nowadays occultism is often regarded as just another science to be studied. But we want nothing to do with it.
A person who lives a childlike life in Jesus does not need to fear possession by an evil spirit. On the other hand, someone who has practiced magic or sorcery does have reason to be afraid. We reject even the most "harmless" forms of spiritualism, as well as supersti tious practices such as wearing health rings, tipping tables, or talking with the dead. These things may start innocently, but they can bind a person to Satan with out his realizing it. They have nothing to do with a childlike faith in Jesus.
We ask for God's judgment so that his light may break in. The more strongly his light breaks in and the more strongly the love of his only begotten Son burns in our hearts, the more clearly will his truth be revealed. When Jesus comes and touches men with his light, it means judgment as well as freedom and redemption. All doubts, all things that chain and burden men, all the sins that hold them down, are touched, and men are freed. This freeing and redemp tion brought about by the breaking in of Christ's light is given to the whole world, as is also the faith brought
Jn. 12:47 by him. For Christ said that he came not to judge the world but to save it.
Christ wants those who are most oppressed and des olate to turn to the light and be saved. Just those who are most crushed, who feel themselves most unworthy and burdened, should allow themselves to be touched and moved by God's great love. And once they feel it, they will know that they are included and freed by it. They are the very ones Jesus took to himself: the evil doers, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the despised of men. He did not criticize those who were possessed; he freed them. But in their freeing was judgment, for darkness was revealed and driven out. Evil was in no way ignored, but men were freed from it.
From a letter: Until Jesus comes back and frees us completely, we will always have to fight sin on this earth. This fight is first a struggle against the lower nature. Second, it is a battle of spirits, a battle against Satan and his demons. Your fall was not only a matter of your lower nature; it was also satanic. The Bible says
Lk. 22:3 that when Judas betrayed Jesus, "Satan entered into him." I would not dare to say this about you, but I do think your situation tends in that direction. I do not think Satan could have entered Judas if Judas had not sold himself to him first. Judas had already gone to the high priest; he had already accepted the silver pieces when he went to the paschal meal with Jesus, where Satan entered into him.
Even if this comparison is too strong to apply to you, you did open your heart to evil powers. Where
and when did this begin? Do not forget that true re morse is a wonderful experience, not one to be feared. If you experience real repentance, you will be grateful for it your whole life long.
It is a horrifying thing that man, who was created in the image of God, has built bombs that have the power to wipe out millions of people in a very short time. We must repent! The fact that our country has such weapons shows the need for us to dedicate ourselves to something completely different. For some people it might mean politics – working and fighting for the election of responsible citizens who would never use these weapons. We have great respect for this. But our opposition must be much deeper. The spirit that drives men to build weapons is evil, and we can fight it only by living for the good spirit.
We cannot go the way of Jesus without personal change. If we claim to follow him but live in impurity, for example, then we have no right to speak out against things such as injustice. We are not fighting against flesh and blood–good people against evil people– but against powers and principalities of darkness.
If we commit a sinful act, we give room to an evil demon in our own life and surroundings. We have to see this realistically: evil is not something abstract. In
Lk. 8:30 the Bible, some demons even have names. There is no
excuse for anyone, especially for someone who claims to be a committed Christian, to give room to demons in his life or to serve them in any way. If he does, they will harm not only him but the community around him.
From a letter: The life of the church is something extremely precious and important to Jesus. Thus the danger of Satan attacking the soul of the church is constant and very great. Blumhardt* writes that when Jesus was commissioned by the heavenly Father to bring forth children of light, he foresaw that Satan would follow him and produce children of evil, and that these children of evil would flourish even inside the church of Christ in the soil where only children of light should grow. This is very terrible, but it is some thing we have to face. It is most likely to happen when human power takes over where Christ's power alone should rule.
Jesus said that all men will "see the Son of Man seated
Mk. 14.62 at the right hand of the Power." He calls his Father "the Power." That is the greatest reality –a much great er reality than our mortal life. If we are afraid of the Evil One (and such fear can be very real) we can always trust in Jesus. He too is real. He is at the heart of the throne of God. He is the heart of the church, the head
* See footnote p. 109.
of the church, and he understands our hearts, which we ourselves do not understand.
It is a great mistake to think that we can understand our own hearts. We may understand ourselves superfi cially, but only God really knows our hearts. Therefore, even if we suffer the severest temptations, trials, and at tacks by the Evil One, we can always turn to God with trust and great hopes for victory.
Peace can be found only in the crucified One. Not even the united church is enough. The only place we can find peace and rest is Golgotha. We ourselves cannot wash away a murderous or an adulterous act. The only way to become free from darkness is to turn to the light, confess our sin, and come to the cross.