reflections upon the sins of the day past.
Say then of your grave, as you do of your bed at night: there the weary are at rest—with this further consolation, that you shall not only rest there but rise again shortly, abundantly refreshed; you shall be called up to meet the beloved of your soul and to be with him forever. You shall rise to a day that will not renew your cares, as every day on earth does, but will instead secure for you unmixed and everlasting joys. How comfortably may we lie down at night if such thoughts as these accompany us? And how comfortably may we lie down at death if we have accustomed ourselves to such thoughts as these.
3. Let us lie down with penitent reflections upon the sins of the day past.
Praising God and delighting in him is such pleasant work, and so much the work of angels, that it seems a pity we should have anything else to do. But the truth is, we make other work for ourselves by our own folly—work that, while not as pleasant, is absolutely necessary, and that is repentance. While we are at night rejoicing in God's goodness, we must also intermix with that the affliction of ourselves for our own badness. Both must have their place in us, and they will harmonise well together, for we must take up our work as it comes before us.
a. We must be convinced that we are continually contracting guilt.
We carry corrupt natures within us, bitter roots that produce gall and wormwood, and everything we say or do is tainted by them. In many things, we all offend; "there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not." We are in the midst of a defiling world and
cannot keep ourselves entirely unspotted from it. If we say we have no sin, or that we have passed a day without sinning, we deceive ourselves. If we truly examine ourselves, we shall find reason to cry out, "Who can understand his errors? Cleanse us from secret faults"—faults that even we are not aware of.
We ought to aim for sinless perfection, with as much vigilance as if we could achieve it. But even so, we must acknowledge that we fall short, that we have not yet attained it, nor are we already perfect. This is revealed by our constant sad experience, for it is certain we do enough wrong every day to bring us to our knees at night.
b. We must examine our consciences to uncover the specific transgressions of the day.
Every night, let us search and try our ways—our thoughts, words, and actions—comparing them with the rule of God's word. Let us look at ourselves in that mirror so that we may see our blemishes and make specific acknowledgements of them. It is good to ask ourselves: What have I done today? What have I done wrong? What duty have I neglected? What missteps have I taken? How have I conducted myself in my work and relationships? Have I fulfilled the duties of my particular roles? Have I submitted to God's will in every circumstance of providence?
By doing this regularly, we shall grow in self-awareness, and nothing will contribute more to the prosperity of our souls.
c. We must renew our repentance for whatever we find has been amiss in us.
We must be sorry for our sins, sincerely lament them, and take shame upon ourselves for committing them. Let us give glory to God by confessing them. If we recognise that something in particular has gone wrong, it must be specifically mourned. But in general, we must also humble ourselves for our daily sins of infirmity. We should not treat these lightly because they happen daily; rather, we should be all the more ashamed of them and of the corrupt heart from which they flow.
It is good to renew our repentance promptly before the heart becomes hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Delaying repentance is dangerous; wounds that are treated quickly may be healed with ease, but if they become foul and corrupt—as the Psalmist laments, Psalm 38:5 —then it is our fault, and the cure becomes more difficult. Though we fall into sin daily through the weakness of our flesh, if we rise again each night through renewed repentance, we are not, nor should we consider ourselves, utterly cast down. The sin that humbles us will not ruin us.
d. We must make a fresh application of the blood of Christ to our souls for the remission of our sins and the gracious acceptance of our repentance.
We must not think that we need Christ only at our first conversion to God. No, we have daily need of him as our advocate with the Father, and therefore, as such, he always appears in the presence of God for us and continually attends to this very thing. Even our sins of daily infirmity would lead to our ruin if he had not made satisfaction for them and did not still make intercession for us. He that is washed still needs to wash his feet from the filth he collects with every step. Blessed be God, there is a fountain opened for us to wash in, and it is always open.