CHAPTER XXXI: Directions to the friends of the sick that are about them
you love your souls, do not think any care, or cost, or pains too great for your salvation! If they think not their labour too good for this world, do not you think yours too good for a better world. Let them now say what they will, when they come to die, there is none of them all, that is not quite forsaken of sense and reason, but will wish that they had loved God, and sought and served him, not formally, in hypocritical compliment, but with all their heart, and soul, and might.'
Direct. VIII. 'Labour also to fortify the minds of your friends, against all fears of suffering for Christ, and all impatience in any of their afflictions.' Say to them, 'The sufferings as well as the pleasures of this life are so short, that they are not worthy once to be compared with the durable things of the life to come. If I have passed through a life of want and toil, if my body hath endured painful sickness, if I have suffered never so much from men, and been used cruelly for the sake of Christ, what the worse am I now, when all is past? Would an easy, honourable, plentiful life, have made my death either the safer or the sweeter? O no! it is the things eternal that are indeed significant and regardable. Neither pleasure nor pain, that is short, is of any great regard. Make sure of the everlasting pleasures, and you have done your work. O live by faith, and not by sense; look not at the temporal things which are seen. It is not your concernment, whether you are rich or poor, in honour or dishonour, in health or sickness; but whether you be justified, and sanctified, and shall live with God in heaven for ever.' Such serious counsels of dying men, may make their sickness more fruitful than their health.
CHAPTER XXXI
Directions to the Friends of the Sick, that are about them Direct. I. WHEN you see the sickness or death of friends, take it as God's warning to you, to prepare for the same yourselves.'
Remember that thus it must be with you: thus are you like to lie in pain; and thus will all the world forsake you, and nothing of all your honour or wealth, will afford you any comfort. This will be the end of all your pleasures, of your greatness, and your houses, and lands, and attendance; and of all your delicious meats and drinks; and of all your mirth, and play and recreations. Thus must your carcases be forsaken of your souls, and laid in a grave, and there lie rotting in the dark; and your souls appear before your Judge, to be sentenced to their endless state. This certainly will be your case: and O how quickly will it come! Then, what will Christ and grace be worth?
Then, nothing but the favour of God can comfort you. Then, whether will it be better to you, to look back on a holy, well-spent life, or upon a life of fleshly ease and pleasure? Then had you rather be a saint, or a sensualist? Lay this to heart, and let the house of mourning make you better, and live as one that looks to die.
Direct. II. 'Use the best means for the recovery of the sick, which the ablest physicians shall advise you to, as far as you are able.' Take heed of being guilty of the pride and folly of many self-conceited, ignorant persons, who are ready to thrust every medicine of their own, upon their friends in sickness, when they neither know the nature of the sickness, or the cure. Many thousands are brought to their death untimely, by the folly of their nearest friends, who will needs be medicining them, and ruling them, and despising the physician; as if they were themselves much wiser than he, when they are merely ignorant of what they do. As ignorant sectaries despise divines, and set up themselves as better preachers, so many silly women despise physicians; and when they have got a few medicines,
which they know not the nature of, nor how to use, they take themselves for the better physicians, and the lives of their poor friends must pay for their pride and folly. No means must be trusted to instead of God, but the best must be used in subservience unto
God. And one would think that a small measure of wit and humility might serve to make silly women understand, that they that never bestowed one year in the study of physic, are not so likely to understand it, as those that have studied and practised it a great part of their lives. It is sad to see people kill their dearest friends in kindness; even by that ignorance and proud self-conceitedness, which also maketh them the destroyers of their own souls.
Quest. I. 'But seeing God hath appointed all men's time, what good can physic do? If God hath appointed them to live, they shall live; and if he have appointed them to die, it is not physic that can save them.'
Answ. This is the foolish reasoning of wicked people about their salvation. If God have appointed me to salvation, I shall be saved; if he have not, all my diligence will do no good. But such people know not what they talk of. God hath made your duty more open and known to you, than his own decrees: and you separate those things which he hath joined together: as God hath appointed no man to salvation simply, without respect to the means of salvation; so God hath appointed no man to live, but by the means of life. His decree is not, 'Such a man shall be saved,' or, 'Such a man shall live so long,' only; but this is his decree, 'Such a man shall be saved, in the way of faith and holiness, and in the diligent use of means,' and, 'Such a man shall live so long, by the use of those means which I have fitted for the preservation of his life.' So that as he that liveth a holy life, may be sure he is chosen to salvation, (if he persevere) and he that is ungodly, may be sure that he is in the way to hell; so he that
neglecteth the means of his health and life, doth shew that it is unlike that God hath appointed him to live: and he that useth the best means is more likely to recover, (though the best will not cure incurable diseases, nor make a man immortal.) The reasoning is the same, as if you should say, 'If God have appointed me to live so long,
I shall live though I neither eat or drink: but if he have not, eating and drinking will not prolong my life.' But you must know, that God doth not only appoint you to live, that is but half his decree, but he decreeth, 'That you shall live by eating and drinking.'
Direct. III. 'Mind your friends betimes to make their wills, and prudently by good advice to settle their estates, that they may leave no occasion of contending about it, when they are dead.' This should be done in health, because of the uncertainty of life: but if it be undone till sickness, it should then be done betimes. The neglect of it, oft causeth much sinful contending about worldly things, even among those near relations, who should live in the greatest amity and peace.
Direct. IV. 'Keep away vain company from them, as far as you can conveniently' (except it be such as must needs be admitted, or such as are like to receive any good by the holy counsel of the sick). It is a great annoyance to one that is near death, to hear people talk to little purpose, about the world, or some impertinencies; when they are going speedily to their endless state, and have need of no more impediments in their way; but of the best assistance that their friends can afford them. Procure some able, faithful minister to be with them, to counsel them about the state of their souls: and get some holy, able Christians to be much about them, who are fit to pray with them, and instruct them.
Direct. V. 'Bear with their impatience, and grudge not at any trouble that they put you to.' Remember that weakness is froward, and as you bear with the crying of children, so must you with the peevishness of the sick; and remember, that shortly it is like to be your own case, and you must be a trouble to others, and they must bear with you. Be not weary of your friends in sickness; but loving, and tender, and compassionate, and patient.
Direct. VI. 'Deal faithfully and prudently with them about the state of their souls.' Your faithfulness must be shewed in these two points. 1.
That you do not flatter them with vain hopes of life, when they are more likely to die. 2. That you do not flatter them with false persuasions that their state is safe, when they are yet unsanctified, nor put them in hopes of being saved without regeneration.
Your prudence must be manifested, 1. In suiting your counsel, and speeches, and prayers to their state; and not using the same words to the ungodly, as you would to the godly. 2. In so contracting your counsel for the conversion of the ungodly, as not to overwhelm them with more than they can bear; and yet not to leave out any point of absolute necessity to salvation. Alas, how much skill doth such a work require? And how few Christians, (that I say not, pastors) are fit for it.
Quest. I. 'But is it a duty when the sick are like to die, to make it known to them?'
Answ. Sometimes it is, and sometimes not. 1. Some sicknesses are such, as will be so increased with fear, that the patient that before was in hope of a recovery, will be put almost past hope. And some sicknesses are much different, and are not like to be so increased by it. And some are past all hope already. 2. Some are so prepared to die, that they have the less need to be acquainted with their danger:
and some are unconverted, and in so dangerous a case, that the absolute necessity of their souls may require it. When the soul is in so sad a case, and yet the body may be endangered by the fear of the sentence of death, it is the safest course to tell them, 'That though
God may recover them, yet their disease is so dangerous, as calleth for their speedy and serious preparation for death; which will not be lost, if God restore them.' So that they may have so much hope, as to keep their fear from killing them, and so much acquaintance with their danger, as may put them upon their duty. But in case there be already little or no hope, or in case the disease will be but little increased by the fear (which is the case of the most) the danger should not at all be hid.
Quest. II. 'Am I always bound to tell a wicked man of his sin and misery, when it may exasperate his disease, and offend his mind?'
Answ. If it were a sickness that is void of danger, in case his mind be quiet, and be like to kill him if his mind be disturbed, then it were the most prudent course to call him so far to repentance and faith, as you can do it without any dangerous disturbance of him; because it is most charity to his soul to help him to a longer time of repentance, rather than to lay all the hopes of his salvation upon the present time. But this is not an ordinary case; therefore ordinarily it is a duty to acquaint the sick person, that is yet in his sin, and unregenerate state, with the truth of his danger, and the necessity of renovation.
Alas! it is a lamentable kind of friendship, to flatter a poor soul into damnation, or to hide his danger till he is past recovery. When he is in a state of inexpressible misery, and hath but a few days or weeks time left, to do all that ever must be done for his salvation. What horrid cruelty is it then, to let him to go to hell for fear of displeasing or disquieting him!
Object. 'But I am afraid I shall cast him into despair, if I tell him plainly that he is in a state of damnation.'
Answ. If you let him alone a little longer, he will be in remediless despair. There is no despair remediless, but that in hell. But now you may help to save him, both from present and endless desperation. He must needs despair of ever being saved without a Christ, or without the regeneration of the Holy Spirit, or without true faith and repentance, and love to God, and holiness. But need he despair of attaining all these, while Christ is offered him so freely, and a full remedy is at hand? He must know his sin and misery, or else he is never like to escape it: but he must also be acquainted with the true remedy; and that is your way to keep him from despair, and not by flattering him into hell.
Quest. III. 'But what should one do in so short a time, and with deadhearted sinners? Alas! what hope is there? If it were nothing but their ignorance, it cannot be cured in a moment. And is there then any hope in so short a space, to bring them to knowledge, and repentance, and a changed heart, to love God and holiness; and that when pain and weakness do disable them?'
Answ. The case indeed is very sad; but yet while there is life, there is some hope: and while there is any hope, we should do our best, when it is for the saving of a soul; and the difficulty should but stir us up to use our utmost skill and diligence. But as it is the misery of such to delay conversion till so unfit a time, so is it too frequently the sin of believers, that they delay their serious endeavours to convert men, till such a time as they almost despair of the success.
Quest. IV. 'But what shall we do in a doubtful case, when we know not whether the person be renewed and truly penitent, or not; which is the case of most that we have to deal with?'
Answ. You can tell whether the grounds of your hope, or of your fear concerning them, be the greater; and accordingly your speech must be mixed and tempered, and your counsels or comforts given with the conditions and suppositions expressed.
Quest. V. 'But what order would you have us observe in speaking to the ignorant and ungodly, when the time is so short?'
Answ. 1. Labour to awaken them to a lively sense of the change which is at hand, that they may understand the necessity of looking after the state of their souls. 2. Then shew them what are the terms of salvation, and who they are that the Gospel doth judge to salvation or damnation. 3. Next advise them to try which of these is their condition, and to deal faithfully, seeing self-flattery may undo them, but can do them no good. 4. Then help them in the trial; q. d. 'If it have been so or so with you, then you may know that this is your case.' 5. Then tell them the reasons of your fears, if you fear they are unconverted, or of your hopes, if you hope indeed that it is better with them. 6. Then exhort them conditionally (if they are yet in a carnal, unsanctified state,) to lament it, and be humbled, and penitent for their sinful and ungodly life. 7. And then tell them the remedy, in Christ and the Holy Ghost, and the promise or covenant of grace. 8. And lastly, tell them their present duty, that this remedy may prove effectual to their salvation. And if you have so much interest or authority as maketh it fit for you, excite them by convenient questions so far to open their case, as may direct you, and as by their answers may shew whether they truly resolve for a holy life, if God restore them, and whether their hearts indeed be changed, or not.
Direct. VII. 'If you are not able to instruct them as you should, read some good book to them, which is most suitable to their case:' such
as "Mr. Perkins's Right Art of Dying Well;"—"The Practice of Piety in the Directions for the Sick;"—"Mr. Edward Lawrence's Treatise of Sickness;" or what else is most suitable to them. And because most are themselves unable for counselling the sick aright, and you may not have a fit book at hand, I shall here subjoin a brief form or two for such to read to the sick that can endure no long discourse. And other books will help you to forms of prayer with them, if you cannot pray without such help.
Direct. VIII. 'Judge not of the state of men's souls, by those carriages in their sickness, which proceed from their diseases or bodily distemper.' Many ignorant people judge of a man by the manner of his dying: if one die in calmness and clearness of understanding, and a few good words, they think that this is to die like a saint. Whereas in consumptions, and oft in dropsies, and other such chronical diseases, this is ordinary with good and bad: and in a fever that is violent, or a frenzy or distraction, the best man that is, may die without the use of reason: some diseases will make one blockish, and heavy, and unapt to speak: and some consist with as much freedom of speech, as in time of health. The state of men's souls must not be judged of by such accidental, unavoidable things as these.
Direct. IX. 'Be neither unnaturally senseless at the death of friends, nor excessively dejected or afflicted.' To make light of the death of relations and friends, be they good or bad, is a sign of a very vicious nature; that is so much selfish, as not much to regard the lives of others: and he that regardeth not the lives of his friends is little to be trusted in his lower concernments. I speak not this of those persons whose temper alloweth them not to weep: for there may be as deep a regard and sorrow in some that have no tears, as in others that abound with them. But I speak of a naughty, selfish nature, that is little affected with any one's concernments but its own.
Yet your grief for the death of friends, must be very different both in degree and kind. 1. For ungodly friends you must grieve for their own sakes, because if they died such, they are lost for ever. 2. For your godly friends, you must mourn for the sake of yourselves and others, because God hath removed such as were blessings to those about them. 3. For choice magistrates, and ministers, and other instruments of public good, your sorrow must be greater, because of the common loss, and the judgment thereby inflicted on the world. 4.
For old, tried Christians, that have overcome the world, and lived so long till age and weakness make them almost unserviceable to the church, and who groan to be unburdened and to be with Christ, your sorrow should be least, and your joy and thanks for their happiness should be greatest. But especially abhor that nature that secretly is glad of the death of parents, (or little sorrowful) because that their estates are fallen to you, or you are enriched, or set at liberty by their death. God seldom leaveth this sin unrevenged, by some heavy judgments even in this life.
Direct. X. 'To overcome your inordinate grief for the death of your relations, consider these things following.' 1. That excess of sorrow is your sin: and sinning is an ill use to be made of your affliction. 2.
That it tendeth to a great deal more: it unfitteth you for many duties which you are bound to, as to rejoice in God, and to be thankful for mercies, and cheerful in his love, and praise, and service: and is it a small sin to unfit yourselves for the greatest duties? If you are so troubled at God's disposal of his own, what doth your will but rise up against the will of God; as if you grudged at the exercise of his dominion and government, that is, that he is God! Who is wisest, and best, and fittest to dispose of all men's lives? Is it God or you? Would you not have God to be the Lord of all, and to dispose of heaven and earth, and of the lives and crowns of the greatest princes? If you would not, you would not have him to be God. If you would, is it not
unreasonable that you or your friends only should be excepted from his disposal? 4. If your friends are in heaven, how unsuitable is it for you to be overmuch mourning for them, when they are rapt into the highest joys with Christ; and love should teach you to rejoice with them that rejoice, and not to mourn as those that have no hope. 5.
You know not what mercy God shewed to your friends, in taking them away from the evil to come, you know not what suffering the land or church is falling into, or at least, might have fallen upon themselves; nor what sins they might have been tempted to. But you are sure that heaven is better than earth, and that it is far better for them to be with Christ. 6. You always knew that your friends must die; to grieve that they were mortal, is but to grieve that they were but men. 7. If their mortality or death be grievous to you, you should rejoice that they are arrived at the state of immortality, where they must live indeed and die no more. 8. Remember how quickly you must be with them again. The expectation of living long yourselves, is the cause of your excessive grief for the death of friends. If you looked yourselves to die to-morrow, or within a few weeks, you would less grieve that your friends are gone before you. 9. Remember that the world is not for one generation only; others must have our places when we are gone; God will be served by successive generations, and not only by one. 10. If you are Christians indeed, it is the highest of all your desires and hopes to be in heaven; and will you so grieve that your friends are gone thither, where you most desire and hope to be.
Object. 'All this is reason, if my friend were gone to heaven; but he died impenitently, and how should I be comforted for a soul that I have cause to think is damned?'
Answ. Their misery must be your grief; but not such a grief as shall deprive you of your greater joys, or disable you for your greater