To Matthew, the Legate
ST. BERNARD OF CLAIRVAUX
which knows all things.
I want you to believe what I, rather than another, who sees only the surface, say of myself: 'No man knoweth the things of a man, but the spirit of a man that is in him'.
I tell you, therefore, who speak of myself from experience and not from conjecture, that I am not as" I am believed or said to be.
I say this with an assurance supported by the proof of experience, so that I would prefer to obtain nothing more by your special prayers than to be such as your letters make me out to be.
[22] To Matthew, the Legate The following letter is addressed to Matthew dn Remois, Cardinal Bishop of Albano. It was evidently written in reply to a summons pom the Legate to attend the Council of Troyes over which Matthew presided in the year 1128. In this letter
Bernard tries to excuse himself from attendance on the grounds of ill health, hut at the end he indicates that he is willing to obey the summons in spite of his illness, hi fact he was present, and it was under his influence that the Knights Templar received the formal sanction of the Church at the Council. This letter is typical of the many letters the Saint wrote imploring to be excused from the burden of external activities.
MY heart was ready to obey your summons, but not so my body. My weak flesh, parched by the heat of a raging fever and exhausted by constant sweating, was not able to satisfy the demands of my willing spirit, And so, although
I wanted to come, my weakling body impeded my ready will. Whether or not this is a sufficient reason for not coming, those friends of
SELECTED LETTERS
5-7 mine must judge who, regardless of my protests, are always trying to drag me, enmeshed in the net of obedience, from the cloister to the cities. They must know that this is not a mere pretext, but a grievous affliction, and so they will learn that there is no evading the will of God. They would certainly have been indignant with me if I had said to them:
'I have put off my garment, how shall I put it on?
I have washed my feet, how shall I soil them?' But now they must either be angry with the providence of God or submit to it, for it is not my fault that I cannot come when I am ready to do so.
2. They tell me that the matter is important and the necessity grave. If this is so then they must find someone suitable. If they think I am he, then I assure them not only that I believe they are mistaken, but that I am quite certain they are. Be the matters weighty or trivial w hich they press upon me, they are no concern of mine. If these matters in which youjrry^so hard to involve vour friend at the cost of his peace and silence are simple, then they can BfTsettied without me; if they are difficult then they cannot be settled by me. Unless of course I am considered a person of such consequence that great and difficult matters must be reserved for me because there is no one else to settle them. If this is so then only in my case have the designs of God been frustrated. Why has he put me under a bushel when
I could give light from a candlestick or, to speak more clearly, why, if I am necessary to the world, a man without whose aid the bishops cannot settle their own affairs, has God called me to be a monk and 'hidden me in his tabernacle in the day of evil things'? As it is, all that my friends have done for me is to make me feel troubled when I speak to one whom, hitherto, I have never thought of without serenity and joy. But you know, and it is to you I speak, my father, that 'I am ready and not troubled that I may keep your commandsVBut I beg you, of your kindness, to spare me whenever you can.