Chapter Three
Chapter Three
Disciplines and Decisions
Life isn’t easy, and what life does to us depends a great deal on what life finds in us. Jacob could have easily left his family problems behind, but he had to take along his biggest problem—himself. During the next twenty years (31:41), Jacob would experience many painful trials in Laban’s household, but in the end, he would become God’s man to accomplish God’s will.
However, don’t read these chapters as an ancient story about one man’s family. This is a contemporary story about all of us who are making important decisions on the road of life, decisions that determine character and destiny.
MARRIAGE: FINDING YOUR MATE (29:1–30)
Jesus made it clear that not everybody is supposed to get married (Matt. 19:1–12). But with Jacob, marriage wasn’t an option; it was an obligation. The success of the covenant promises God gave to Abraham (Gen. 12:1–3; 28:1–4) depended on Jacob’s finding a wife and with her building a family that would eventually become the people of Israel, the nation that would bring the promised Redeemer into the world.
The meeting (vv. 1–13). Fortified by the gracious promises that God had given him at Bethel (28:10–22), Jacob made the long journey to Padan Aram. The episode at the well reminds us of the experience of Abraham’s servant when he was seeking a wife for Isaac (24:10ff.), a story that Jacob had certainly heard many times. However, there’s no record that Jacob prayed as did his grandfather’s servant, but perhaps he had prayed for God’s guidance all during his long journey.
I get the impression that when Jacob saw Rachel, it was love at first sight. If so, it explains why he tried to get the shepherds to water their flocks and leave, because he wanted Rachel all to himself at their first meeting. The stone that covered the well was large and heavy (29:2), but Jacob was able to move it so he could water Rachel’s flock. When he introduced himself, she ran to tell Laban the news. In the ancient East, family ties were very strong, and visiting relatives, including those you’d never met before, would be entertained in the home of their own flesh and blood.
We see the providence of God in this meeting. Jacob could have borrowed words from Isaac’s servant: “I being in the way, the LORD led me” (24:27). Unbelievers might call this event “a fortunate coincidence,” but believers would see in it the gracious leading of the hand of God. In the life of the trusting Christian, there are no accidents, only appointments.
But we also see in this event the beginning of some positive changes in the character of Jacob. For one thing, look at his boldness as he confronted the shepherds, moved the stone, and introduced himself to Rachel. And look at his honesty as he told his story to Laban, Rachel’s father (29:18). How much family history is covered by “all these things” isn’t revealed in the text, but Jacob certainly had to explain why he was there and what plans he had for the future. Remembering the wealth his sister Rebekah received from Isaac, Laban may have hoped that Jacob would be just as generous.
The agreement (vv. 14–20). During his first month in Laban’s house, Jacob did his share of the work and was happy for every opportunity to be with Rachel. What Jacob didn’t realize was that Laban was a master schemer who would control his life for the next twenty years. In the excitement of that moment of decision, which involved accepting a job and being engaged to a beautiful woman, Jacob failed to notice that Laban made no promise that he would give Rachel to Jacob at the end of the seven years. He only agreed to give him Rachel for his wife.
Once again we see growth in Jacob’s character as he patiently served Laban for seven difficult years. Shepherding isn’t an easy vocation, and seven years is a long time, but Jacob’s love for Rachel took the burden out of the work and caused the time to pass quickly. It’s been well said that happiness consists of having someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to; and Jacob had all three.
The deception (vv. 21–30). The man who deceived his father was deceived by his father-in-law, and the man who passed himself off as the firstborn son now receives Laban’s firstborn daughter to be his wife. It’s an inescapable law of life that we eventually reap what we sow (Gal. 6:7–8). God in His grace forgives our sins when we confess them (1 John 1:9), but God in His government allows us to suffer the painful consequences of those sins. This disappointment was just the beginning of the harvest for Jacob.
Eastern women were kept fairly secluded, and there was no such thing as dating in that culture, but surely Jacob had gotten to know Rachel and Leah fairly well during those seven years. Why, then, was he so easily deceived? Granted, the bridal chamber was dark and the bride was veiled (Gen. 24:65), and perhaps she didn’t speak above a whisper, but in the intimacy of the marriage bed, how could Jacob not know who the woman was?
Had Jacob celebrated too much? Perhaps. Or maybe he was intoxicated by his passionate love (Prov. 5:19). Was Leah a willing partner in the subterfuge or did her unprincipled father force her to obey him? And where was Rachel during the drama? We can imagine several possible scenarios but can be sure of none of them.
Had Leah so desired, she could easily have revealed the plot, but that would have embarrassed Laban before his guests and probably led to Jacob’s being banished from the home without his beloved Rachel. Then for the rest of her life, Leah would have had to live with a disappointed sister and an angry father, who would devise some means to get even with his elder daughter. No, revealing the scheme just wasn’t worth it.
I feel that Leah was a willing accomplice, happy to get a hardworking husband like Jacob, who would inherit Isaac’s wealth and enjoy the covenant blessings of Abraham. Certainly she knew that Rachel would also be part of the bargain, but was willing to risk whatever problems might ensue. Leah may have “borrowed” some of her sister’s garments and even learned to imitate some of her personal mannerisms. If so, she was treating Jacob just the way he had treated his father when he pretended to be Esau.
But imagine the groom waking up on the first morning of his festive week and discovering that he was married to the wrong woman! Among Semitic peoples, for seven days after their marriage, the bride and groom were treated like a king and queen, but Jacob must have felt more like the court jester. Laban had made a fool of him, but there was nothing Jacob could do about it, for the father in the household was in supreme control. His unscrupulous father-in-law had married off two daughters to a potentially wealthy man and had secured another seven years’ service from his son-in-law as a bonus!
Jacob protested the way Laban had treated him and Rachel, but he meekly accepted his lot and went back to work for another seven years. Little by little, Jacob was learning to submit to God’s loving hand of discipline and was growing in faith and character. At the end of Leah’s marriage week, Jacob married Rachel, the woman he loved, and had another week to live like a king. But from then on, he would endure thirteen years of hardship and conflict, not only because of his in-laws, but also because of his own wives and their maids.
Laban must have congratulated himself on the success of his scheme, not realizing that the Lord was ruling and overruling in the entire event. “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord” (Prov. 21:30 NIV). As Jacob’s son Joseph would say many years later, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Gen. 50:20 NKJV). Christians today would quote Romans 8:28.
PARENTHOOD: BUILDING YOUR FAMILY (29:31—30:24)
The Song of Solomon reminds us that the Jewish people never minimized the personal joys of marriage, but they also emphasized the responsibility of having children and building a God-fearing family. “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.… Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Ps. 127:1, 3 NKJV).
The Jews looked upon parenthood as a stewardship before God, and this was especially true in the case of Jacob, whose descendants would multiply “as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore” (Gen. 22:17). God would honor him by making him the father of the twelve tribes of Israel, but the fact that four different women were involved in building his family would create for Jacob one problem after another. The man who had grown up in a divided and competitive home (25:28) would himself create a divided and competitive family.
Leah’s children (29:31–35; 30:17–21). The word “hated” in verse 31 doesn’t imply active abuse on Jacob’s part; it simply means he loved Rachel more than he loved Leah and gave Rachel more attention and affection. (See Deut. 21:15–17 and our Lord’s words in Matt. 6:24 and Luke 14:26.) The fact that Leah bore Jacob six sons and a daughter indicates that he fulfilled his marital duties toward her, but she knew his heart belonged to her sister.
The Lord also knew this, so He blessed Leah with conception. It’s paradoxical that while Jacob was working fourteen years to pay for two wives, only one of those wives was bearing children. Jacob knew that children were a blessing from the Lord (Gen. 30:1–2), for it was God who gave Isaac to Abraham and Sarah and who also gave Jacob and Esau to Isaac and Rebekah (Ps. 139:13–16).
Leah named her firstborn Reuben, which means “see—a son!” In the Hebrew language, the name sounds like “he [God] has seen my affliction.” Since every Jewish father wanted sons (127:4–5), Leah was certain that this baby would cause her husband to love her. However, she was wrong. Simeon means “one who hears” and suggests that Leah had been talking to God about her misery. Years later, Jacob would replace Reuben and Simeon with Joseph’s two sons, Ephraim and Manasseh (Gen. 48:1–6). They were replaced because Reuben was guilty of sexual sin (35:22; 49:3–4; 1 Chron. 5:1–2) and Simeon had participated in the massacre of the Shechemites (Gen. 34:24–31; 49:5–7).
Levi was the name she gave her third son, and it means “attached,” for Leah was still hoping that Jacob would love her for the sons she had borne him. It must have been painful for her to have to give herself to a husband who was only doing his duty and not sharing his affection. But the birth of her fourth son seemed to bring a new joy to her life, for she called him Judah, which comes from the Hebrew word meaning “praise.” Instead of complaining to the Lord about her unresponsive husband, she was now praising the Lord for His blessings. “This time I will praise the LORD” (29:35 NIV).
After a period of barrenness, Leah was enabled by God to bear two more sons: Issachar, which means “reward, wages” and Zebulon, which probably means “honor” (30:14–21). In those days, the fruit of the mandrake plant was called a “love apple” and was considered to be a powerful love potion. When Rachel saw Reuben’s mandrakes, she wanted them for her own use and was willing to give Leah a night with Jacob as “payment” for the plants. Perhaps Rachel thought that by eating the mandrake fruit she would become fertile.
We see in this episode another evidence of Jacob’s spiritual growth, for not only did Laban tell him what to do, but also Jacob’s own wives made agreements that he knew nothing about until he came home weary from caring for the flocks. Rachel and Leah treated Jacob like a servant and used him as a pawn in their family bargaining, and he patiently bore with it.
Bilhah’s children (vv. 1–8). That Jacob could become angry with his favorite wife shouldn’t surprise us. Even the most loving couples have their occasional disagreements, and, after all, she was blaming him for something over which he had no control. But what Rachel needed wasn’t a lecture on theology or gynecology. She needed the kind understanding of her husband and the encouragement that only his love could provide.
In offering her maid Bilhah to become a surrogate mother (chap. 16), Rachel was exercising her rights under the law of the land and agreeing that Bilhah should became Jacob’s wife. The phrase “bear upon my knees” (30:3) refers to the legal adoption of any children begotten by Jacob and borne by Bilhah (50:23).
The Lord answered Rachel’s prayers (30:6), for Bilhah conceived and gave birth to a son, whom Rachel claimed as her own and named Dan, which comes from a Hebrew word meaning “vindication, judgment.” She called Bilhah’s second son Naphtali (“my struggle”) because of the wresthngs she had experienced over the blessings enjoyed by her more fruitful sister. With the birth of Naphtali, Bilhah ceased conceiving.
Zilpah (vv. 9–13). Leah’s temporary barrenness (compare v. 9 with vv. 14–21) motivated her to give Jacob a fourth wife, her maid Zilpah, and, as Rachel had, to claim Zilpah’s children as her own. She named the first boy Gad (“luck has come”) and the second one Asher (“blessed, happy”).
Rachel (vv. 22–24). At long last, Rachel conceived and gave birth to a son whom she named Joseph. The mandrakes had nothing to do with this pregnancy; it was God who blessed her in answer to her prayers. The Hebrew word qsaf means “take away,” and yosef means “to add.” God had taken away her reproach of being childless and had added to her blessings. Her prayer “May the LORD add to me another son” (v. 24 NIV) was answered in the birth of Benjamin (“son of my right hand”), but the delivery led to her death (35:16–20). It was Joseph whom God would use to save the entire family during the time of terrible famine.
VOCATION: ESTABLISHING YOUR LIVELIHOOD (30:25–43)
The time had come for Jacob to move his large family to his own homeland and be on his own. He now had eleven sons and one daughter, and he had more than fulfilled his part of the bargain. He had earned the right to freedom. It was time to stop working for Laban and start building his own future security.
But crafty Laban wasn’t about to lose his son-in-law, especially when he knew that Jacob’s presence had brought to him the blessing of God (vv. 27–30). Meanwhile, Laban wasn’t interested in Jacob’s God; he was interested only in the blessings he received because of Jacob’s God. Laban surely knew of the promises God had made to Abraham and his descendants (12:3), and he wanted to get the most out of them.
This time, however, Jacob was prepared for his father-in-law, because the Lord had talked to Jacob in a dream and told him exactly what to do (31:1–13). All Jacob wanted for his wages was the privilege of building his own flock of sheep and goats from the speckled and spotted animals in Laban’s flocks, animals that were considered inferior anyway. These would be separated three days’ journey from Laban’s flock so that Laban could investigate at any time and immediately know whether Jacob was robbing him.
Jacob’s peeled sticks belonged in the same category as Rachel’s mandrakes: They were both superstitious practices that had nothing to do with what actually happened. It was God who controlled the genetic structure of the animals and multiplied the spotted and striped sheep and goats, thus increasing Jacob’s wealth very quickly. At Bethel, God promised to bless Jacob, and He kept His promise (28:13–15), and since Laban had agreed to Jacob’s terms, he could do nothing about the results. All of those animals belonged to Jacob.
During the next six years, Jacob became a very wealthy man because of his faith and the blessing of the Lord. Now he was ready to strike out on his own, return to his own land and people, and fulfill whatever purposes God had planned for him. When he had arrived in Padan Aram twenty years before, all he had was his staff (32:10). But he had worked hard, suffered much, and trusted God. Now he had a large family and owned extensive flocks of healthy sheep and goats, as well as camels and donkeys and servants to care for all the animals.
FREEDOM: RECLAIMING YOUR ROOTS (31:1–55)
Jacob had been away from home twenty years, and it was time he returned to his roots. His father, Isaac, and his brother, Esau, were still alive, and Jacob had some unfinished business to settle with both of them.
Escape (vv. 1–21). How did the Lord tell Jacob that it was time to leave? The same way He leads His people today: through the inner witness in the heart, the outward circumstances of life, and the truth of His Word.
Six years before, God had put the desire in Jacob’s heart to return to his own country (30:25), and that desire had never left him. While not every longing in the human heart is necessarily the voice of God (Jer. 17:9), and we must carefully exercise discernment, the Lord often begins to speak to us in that way.
Along with the desire within us, God also directs us as He did Jacob through the circumstances around us (Gen. 31:1–2). Toward the end of those six critical years, Jacob noticed that his in-laws weren’t as friendly toward him as before, largely because of the increase in his wealth. Circumstances aren’t always the finger of God pointing out His way (Acts 27:1–15), but they can be significant indicators of God’s will. When God wants to move us, He occasionally makes us uncomfortable and “stirs up its nest” (Deut. 32:11 NIV).
The third and most important way God leads us is through His Word. God had already spoken to Jacob in a dream (Gen. 31:10–13), but Jacob remained in Padan Aram to acquire his wealth. Then God said to him, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you” (v. 3 NIV). As the story of Jacob unfolds, you will discover that God spoke to him at every important crisis in his life: leaving home (28:12–15), returning home (31:1–13), meeting Esau (32:24ff.), visiting Bethel (35:1ff.), and moving to Egypt (46:1–4). God leads us in the paths of righteousness if we’re willing to follow (Ps. 23:3).
But Jacob took time to share his thinking with Rachel and Leah, for after all, he was asking them to leave their people and home and go with him to another land and people. Even though the Word of God is our primary source of wisdom in making decisions (119:105), it’s good for us to consult with others and weigh their counsel, particularly those closest to us. Both Rachel and Leah agreed that their father hadn’t been fair with Jacob or loving toward them, and that it was time to make a new beginning. Not only had he treated their husband like a common slave, but also he had used up their own dowries (Gen. 31:14–15).
But instead of facing Laban honestly and trusting the Lord to keep His promises and work things out, Jacob fled with his family like a criminal escaping justice. This was an act of fear and unbelief, not an act of faith; for “whoever believes will not act hastily” (Isa. 28:16 NKJV). In fact, Jacob later admitted to Laban that he had departed secretly and quickly because he was afraid (Gen. 31:31). It isn’t enough to know and do the will of God; we must also do His will in the way He wants it done, the way that will glorify Him the most.
Confrontation (vv. 22–42). Since a three-days’ journey lay between Laban’s settlement and that of Jacob (30:36), it took that long for the word to get to Laban that his son-in-law had bolted. By the time Laban got the news, Jacob was far away. It took a week for Laban to catch up with the fleeing family, and Jacob and Laban finally met in the hill country of Gilead.
Laban tried to get the upper hand immediately by rebuking Jacob for the way he had stolen away from Padan Aram. Imagine this clever schemer asking Jacob, “Why did you run off secretly and deceive me?” (31:27 NIV). Deceive him indeed! Laban had spent twenty years deceiving Jacob! But for all his blustering, Laban was helpless to harm Jacob because the Lord had warned him to be careful (vv. 24, 29). God had promised to protect Jacob and He kept His promise.
But the thing that angered Laban most was the fact that somebody had stolen his household gods, and he was sure the guilty person was in Jacob’s family. He was right; it was Rachel who did the deed (v. 19), but Jacob didn’t know it. The fact that Laban was distressed shows that his faith was in idols and not in the true God whom Jacob served. By pretending to be unclean because of her monthly period, Rachel escaped detection and further trouble with her father.
Watching his devious father-in-law arrogantly search through all the family’s personal possessions made Jacob angry, and rightly so, and feelings were now released from his heart that had been buried there for twenty years. Jacob spoke openly of Laban’s underhanded practices, how he had deceived Jacob, given him the hardest work, and changed his wages many times. God had blessed Laban because of Jacob, but Laban had never thanked either the Lord or Jacob, nor had he repaid Jacob for the animals he replaced at his own expense.
But the most important thing in Jacob’s speech was the way he gave honor to the Lord: “Unless the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed. God has seen my affliction and the labor of my hands, and rebuked you last night” (v. 42 NKJV). What a testimony from a man who was inclined to give in to others and do what he was told!
Truce (vv. 43–55). God’s warning in the dream and Jacob’s forceful defense told Laban that he was beaten, but the old deceiver put on a brave front just the same and tried to make everybody think he was a peacemaker. Both families gathered stones and ate a meal together on those stones as a symbol of the agreement they had reached. Eating a meal together is an Eastern custom when creating a binding agreement (26:26–33).
The pile of stones was to stand as a witness to the agreement they had made, but it was also to be a watchtower (Mizpah) or boundary marker that neither Jacob nor Laban was allowed to cross. Actually, their “agreement” wasn’t a declaration of peace; it was only a truce that could be broken if either party violated the terms.
It’s too bad the so-called “Mizpah benediction” is still found in many Christian hymnals (31:49), because what Laban said to Jacob wasn’t a benediction at all (vv. 48–49). To paraphrase, he said: “We’re separating from one another, but God is watching both of us. If you mistreat my daughters, I won’t know it but God will. So, be careful!” Laban didn’t see the God of Abraham and Isaac as a gracious Lord who had brought them together but as a heavenly Judge who would keep them both from harming each other. In spite of their oaths, Jacob and Laban didn’t trust each other, so they had to trust the Lord to keep them from harming each other. Mizpah was a monument to suspicion and fear, not to love and trust.
Jacob closed the day by offering sacrifices to the Lord and inviting his relatives to share in the sacrificial meal. He wanted the God of his fathers to be honored before this pagan family that had caused him so much grief. The next morning, Laban said his farewells and returned home, and a long and difficult chapter in Jacob’s life came to a close, a chapter in which God was with him from beginning to end (vv. 5, 24, 29, 42). But a new chapter would soon open in which his own brother, Esau, would play a prominent part.
Life isn’t easy, but if we submit to God’s disciplines and let Him guide us in our decisions, we can endure the difficulties triumphantly and develop the kind of character that glorifies God. We can conquer by claiming promises like 1 Peter 5:10: “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you” (NKJV).
The God of Jacob never fails.
QUESTIONS FOR PERSONAL REFLECTION OR GROUP DISCUSSION
1. What have you had to work a long time to gain? Did hope and expectation make it easier? How, or why not?
2. If the object of your labors is not yet yours, how will you stay motivated to be faithful?
3. Comment on the irony that Jacob was tricked by Laban, “the master schemer,” and later tricked by Leah, who posed as her sister Rachel.
4. In what ways do you see Jacob’s relationship with God deepening after he left home to work for Laban? How did he mature as a man?
5. How could these verses apply to the disappointment Jacob felt after having married Leah: Proverbs 21:30; Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28?
6. What do you think it was like to be Leah during the more than twenty years of her marriage? What do you think it was like to be Rachel?
7. Wiersbe says the Lord speaks to believers by placing certain desires in their hearts, by placing certain circumstances in their paths, and most important, through His Word. What has God been telling you through these three means?
8. Jacob recites his trials beginning in 31:38. To what does he attribute his prosperity? What does this speech tell you about him?
9. This story is not about Jacob’s faithfulness but God’s. Why would God choose to fulfill such great promises to such flawed individuals?
10. In 31:53–54 (NIV), “Jacob took an oath in the name of the Fear of his father Isaac” and “offered a sacrifice there in the hill country.” Why was this act a fitting witness to Laban and his family?