Beginning of Orphan Work, 1835–1838 (part 2 of 2)
May 28th. The Narrative of some of the Lord's dealings with me is now near being published; this has led me again most earnestly this day week, and repeatedly since, to ask the Lord that He would be pleased to give me what is wanting of the £1,000, for which sum I have asked Him on behalf of the Orphans; for though, in my own mind, the thing is as good as done, so much so, that I have repeatedly been able to thank God, that He will surely give me every shilling of that sum, yet to others this would not be enough. As the whole matter, then, about the Orphan House had been commenced for the glory of God, that in this way before the world and the Church there might be another visible proof that the Lord delights in answering prayer; and as there was yet a part of the £1,000 wanting; and as I earnestly desired the book might not leave the press, before every shilling of that sum had been given, in answer to prayer, without one single individual having been asked by me for anything, that thus I might have the sweet privilege of bearing my testimony for God in this book: for these reasons, I say, I have given myself earnestly to prayer about this matter since May 21st. On May 22nd came in £7 10s., and on May 23rd, £3. On May 24th a lady, whom I never saw before, called on me and gave me £40. This circumstance has greatly encouraged me; for the Lord showed me thereby afresh His willingness to continue to send us large sums, and that they can come even from individuals whom we have never seen before.
June 15th. To-day I gave myself once more earnestly to prayer respecting the remainder of the £1,000. This evening £5 was given, so that now the whole sum is made up. To the glory of the Lord, whose I am, and whom I serve, I would state again, that every shilling of this money, and all the articles of clothing and furniture, which have been mentioned in the foregoing pages, have been given to me without one single individual having been asked by me for anything. As the Lord has condescended most fully, and even above my expectations, to answer my prayers, and to fill my mouth (Psalm 81:10), will you help me, brethren and sisters beloved in the Lord, to praise Him for His condescension? It is a wonderful thing that such a worthless, faithless servant as I am, should have power with God. Take courage from this for yourselves, brethren. Surely, if such a one as I am, so little conformed to the mind of Jesus, has his prayers answered, may not you also, at last, have your requests granted to you? During eighteen months and ten days this petition has been brought before God almost daily. From the moment I asked it till the Lord granted it fully, I had never been allowed to doubt that He would give every shilling of that sum. Often have I praised Him beforehand in the assurance that He would grant my request. The thing after which we have especially to seek in prayer is, that we believe that we receive, according to Mark 11:24, "What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." But this I often find lacking in my prayers. When, however, I have been enabled to believe that I receive, the Lord has dealt with me according to my faith. This moment while I am writing (June 28th, 1837), I am waiting on the Lord for £17 10s., the rent for two schoolrooms, which will be due in three days, and I have but £3 towards that sum. I believe God can give; I believe God is willing to give it, if it be for our real welfare; I also have repeatedly asked God for it; but as yet I cannot in the triumph of faith praise Him beforehand, that He will assuredly give me this small sum. I am waiting at every delivery of letters, at every ring at the bell, for help; I am truly waiting on God, and God alone for it; but as yet I do not feel as sure of being able to pay the rent of those schoolrooms as I should, if I had the money already in my pocket.
Decision to Open a Third Orphan House
As the Lord has so greatly condescended to listen to my prayers, and as I consider it one of the particular talents which He has entrusted to me, to exercise faith upon His promises regarding my own temporal wants and those of others; and as an Orphan House for boys above seven years of age seems greatly needed in this city; and as also, without it, we know not how to provide for the little boys in the Infants' Orphan House when they are above seven years of age; I purpose to establish an Orphan House for about forty boys above seven years of age. But there are three difficulties in the way which must first be removed before I could take any further step in this work. (1) My hands are more than filled already with work. I could not in any degree enlarge the field of labour, except the Lord should be pleased to send us a brother, who, as steward, could take from me the work which arises from keeping the accounts, obtaining and circulating the Scriptures, giving advice in ordinary matters respecting the Orphan Houses, attending to the applications for admission of children in the Orphan Houses, etc. But whether there is an Orphan House for boys established or not, such a brother is greatly needed, even as the extent of the work is now, and I therefore lay it on the hearts of the believers who may read this, to help me with their prayers, that such a brother may be found. (2) In addition to this, it would be needful, before I could take any further step, to obtain a truly pious master for the boys, and other suitable individuals who may be needed to take care of the children. (3) The third thing by which I desire to be assured, that it is the will of God that I should go forward in the Orphan House, is, that He provide the means for such an enlargement of the work.—Whilst, on the one hand, I would confess to the praise of God, that He has been pleased to give me faith to trust in Him; yet, on the other hand, I desire to be kept from presumption and enthusiasm. I do not intend to wait till thousands are raised, or till the Institution is endowed; but I must have such a sum given to me as is needed to furnish a house for forty boys, and to clothe that number, and to have a little to begin with; without such a sum I should not consider it to be the will of God to enlarge the field.
July 1st. It has pleased the Lord to continue to bless the word preached by us to the conversion of many sinners, and there seems to have been no period during these five years, in which this work has been stopped. The whole number of those who have been converted through our instrumentality in Bristol, and who have been received into fellowship with us, is 178.
July 12th. The friend who gave me on May 24th £40 for the Orphans, and whom up to that time I had never seen, gave now £460 more, being altogether £500.
August 15th. To-day the first 500 copies of the first part of my Narrative arrived, and I had, once more, some conflict of mind whether, after till, I had not been mistaken in this matter. A sort of trembling came over me, and a wish to be able to retrace the step. Judging, however, from the most searching self-examination, through which I had caused my heart to pass again and again, as to my motives, before I began writing, and whilst I was writing; and judging, moreover, from the earnestness in prayer with which I had sought to ascertain the mind of God in the matter, and from the subsequent full assurance which I had had of its being according to His will, that in this way I should serve the Church;—I was almost immediately led to consider this uncomfortable and trying feeling as a temptation, and I therefore went to the box, opened it, brought out some copies, and soon after gave away one, so that the step could not be retraced.
(This was the last temptation or struggle I have had of that kind, for I have never since, even for one minute, been allowed to regret publishing the Narrative.)
First Legacy received
September 15th. This morning we received a parcel with clothes and some money for the Orphans from a sister at a distance. Among the donations in money was a little legacy, amounting to 6s. 6½d., from a dear boy who died in the faith. This dear child had had given to him, in his last illness, some coins, amounting to the abovementioned little sum. Shortly before he fell asleep, he requested that this his little treasure might be sent to the Orphans. This precious little legacy is the first we have had.
September 19th. Two things were to-day particularly impressed upon my heart, and may the Lord deepen the impression. (1) That I ought to seek for more retirement, though the work should apparently suffer ever so much. (2) That arrangements should be made, whereby I may be able to visit the brethren more, as an unvisited church will sooner or later become an unhealthy church.
September 28th. I have for a long time been too much outwardly engaged. Yesterday morning I spent about three hours in the vestry of Gideon, to be able to have more time for retirement. I meant to do the same in the afternoon, but before I could leave the house I was called on, and thus one person after the other came, till I had to go out. Thus it has been again to-day.
Opening of the Third Wilson Street Orphan House
October 21st. A few weeks since I had rented a very large and a very cheap house for the Boys' Orphan House; but as the persons who lived in that neighbourhood threatened the landlord with an action, on account of letting his house for a charitable institution, I at once gave up all claim. That which led me to do so, was the word of the Lord: "As much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." I was quite sure, when I gave up the agreement, that the Lord would provide other premises. On the same morning when this took place, October 5th, the Lord, to show His continued approbation of the work, sent £50 by a sister, who is far from being rich, for the furnishing of the Boys' Orphan House. Now to-day, the Lord has given me another house for the Orphan boys in the same street in which the other two Orphan Houses are. Thus, in His own time He has sent help in this particular also. Indeed in everything in which I have had to deal with Him alone in this work, I have never been disappointed.
November 1st. Our Bible, School, and Missionary funds having been for some time very low, I had been led repeatedly to ask the Lord for a rich supply, and mentioned several times, though with submission to His will, the sum of £100 before Him. However, He seemed not to regard the prayer respecting the £100, but gave to us by little and little what was needed. Yesterday I received a donation of £80, and to-day one of £20, and thus He has kindly given the £100. By this means we are able to increase our stock of Bibles, which has been much reduced of late.
November 7th. My head is so weak, that I see it absolutely needful to give up the work for some time. After I had come this morning to the conclusion to leave Bristol for a while for the purpose of quietness, I received an anonymous letter from Ireland with £5 for my own personal expenses, and thus the Lord has kindly supplied me with the means for doing so. I can work no longer, my head being in such a weak state from continual exertion, so that I feel now comfortable in going, though scarcely any time could have been, humanly speaking, more unsuitable. The Orphan House for the boys is on the point of being opened, the labourers therefore are to be introduced into the work;—most important church matters have been entered upon and are yet unsettled;—but the Lord knows better, and cares for His work more than I do or can. Therefore I desire to leave the matter with Him.
November 16th. To-day I went to Weston-super-Mare.
November 17th. Weston-super-Mare. This evening my wife and child and our servant arrived here. Yesterday a sister secretly put two sovereigns in my wife's pocket-book. How kind is the Lord in thus providing us with means according to our need! How kind also in having just now sent brother T. to take the work arising from the Schools, Orphan Houses, etc., just as brother C——r was sent two years ago, shortly before I was completely laid aside!
November 25th. We returned to Bristol.
November 30th. I am not any better. I have written to my father; perhaps for the last time. All is well, all will be well, all cannot but be well, because I am in Christ. How precious that now, in this my sickness, I have not to seek after the Lord, but have already found Him.
December 17th. Lord's day. This morning I saw the 32 Orphan girls, who are above seven years old, pass under my window, to go to the chapel. When I saw these dear children in their clean dresses, and their comfortable warm cloaks, and when I saw them walking orderly under the care of a sister to the chapel, I felt grateful to God that I had been made the instrument of providing for them, seeing that they are all better off, both as regards temporal and spiritual things, than if they were at the places from whence they were taken. I felt that, to bring about such a sight, was worth the labour not only of many days, but of many months, or years. I felt that it answered all the arguments of some of my friends who say "you do too much."
December 24th. This is the seventh Lord's day that I have been laid aside.—This day I determine, by the help of God, no more to send letters in parcels, because I now clearly see that it is against the laws of the country, and it becomes me, as a disciple of Jesus, in every respect to submit myself to the Government, in so far as I am not called upon to do anything contrary to the Word of God.
December 31st. There are now 81 children in the three Orphan Houses, and nine brethren and sisters who have the care of them. Ninety, therefore, daily sit down to table. The Schools require as much help as before; nay, more, particularly the Sunday School, in which there are at present about 320 children, and in the Day Schools about 350.—Lord, Thy servant is a poor man; but he has trusted in Thee, and made his boast in Thee before the sons of men; therefore let him not be confounded! Let it not be said, all this is enthusiasm, and therefore it will come to nought.
This morning I greatly dishonoured the Lord by irritability, manifested towards my dear wife, and that almost immediately after I had been on my knees before God, praising Him for having given me such a wife.
This year my temporal supplies have been, in all, £307 2s. 6½d.
January 6th. I feel very little better in my head, though my general health seems improved; but my kind physician says I am much better, and advises now change of air. This evening, a sister who resides about fifty miles from hence, and who is therefore quite unacquainted with the medical advice given to me this morning, sent me £15 for the express purpose of change of air. How wonderfully does God work! I have thus the means of carrying into effect my physician's advice.—To-day I heard of a most remarkable case of conversion through the instrumentality of my Narrative.
January 10th. To-day I went with my family to Trowbridge.
January 12th. Trowbridge. This evening I commenced reading Whitefield's life, written by Mr. Philip.
January 13th. I have already received blessings through Whitefield's life. His great success in preaching the gospel is evidently to be ascribed, instrumentally, to his great prayerfulness, and his reading the Bible on his knees. I have known the importance of this for years; I have practised it a little, but far too little. I have had more communion with God to-day, than I have had, at least generally, for some time past.
January 14th. Lord's day. I have continued reading Whitefield's life. God has again blessed it to my soul. I have spent several hours in prayer to-day, and read on my knees, and prayed for two hours over Psalm 63. God has blessed my soul much to-day. My soul is now brought into that state, that I delight myself in the will of God, as regards my health. Yea, I can now say, from my heart, I would not have this disease removed till God, through it, has bestowed the blessing for which it was sent. He has drawn out my soul much yesterday and to-day. Lord, continue Thy goodness, and fill me with love! I long more fully to glorify God; not so much by outward activity, as by inward conformity to the image of Jesus. What hinders God, to make of one, so vile as I am, another Whitefield? Surely God could bestow as much grace upon me, as He did upon him.
January 15th. I have had since yesterday afternoon less suffering in my head than for the last eight days, though it is even now far from being well. I have still an inward assurance, on account of the spiritual blessings which the Lord has granted to me, that through this affliction He is only purifying me for His blessed service, and that I shall soon be restored to the work.
January 16th. A blessed day. How very good is the Lord! Fervency of spirit, through His grace, is continued to me. The subject of my meditation has been Psalm 66. Verses 10, 11, and 12, are particularly applicable to my present circumstances. God has already, through the instrumentality of this my affliction, brought me into a "wealthy place," and I believe He will bless my soul yet more and more. What has God done for me, in comparing this 16th of January, 1838, with the 16th of January, 1820, the day on which my dear mother died.—I have also resolved this day, if the Lord should restore me again, to have a special meeting at the chapel once a week, or once a fortnight, with the Orphan and Day School children, for the purpose of reading the Scriptures with them.—My heart has been drawn out in prayer for many things, especially that the Lord would create in me a holy earnestness to win souls, and a greater compassion for ruined sinners. For this I have been quickened through reading Whitefield's life.
January 17th. The Lord is yet merciful to me. I enjoy fervency of spirit. My soul has been again repeatedly led out in prayer this day, and that for a considerable time.—I have read on my knees, with prayer and meditation, Psalm 68. Verse 5: "A Father of the fatherless" one of the titles of Jehovah, has been a special blessing to me, with reference to the Orphans. The truth, which is contained in this, I never realized so much as to-day. By the help of God, this shall be my argument before Him, respecting the Orphans, in the hour of need. He is their Father, and therefore has pledged Himself, as it were, to provide for them, and to care for them; and I have only to remind Him of the need of these poor children, in order to have it supplied. My soul is still more enlarged respecting Orphans. This word, "a Father of the fatherless," contains enough encouragement to cast thousands of Orphans upon the loving heart of God.
February 11th. This morning I was directed to read Proverbs 3:5–12, having just a few minutes to fill up before breakfast. I was particularly struck with those words: "Neither be WEARY of His correction." I have not been allowed to despise the chastening of the Lord, but I begin, now and then, to feel somewhat weary of His correction. O Lord, have mercy upon Thy poor unworthy servant! Thou knowest, that, after the inner man, I desire patiently to bear this affliction, and not to have it removed till it has done its work in me, and yielded the peaceable fruits of righteousness. But Thou knowest also what a trial it is to me to continue the life I am now living. Help, Lord! according to my need!
March 11th. I have read during the last weeks, once more, with as much or more interest than ever, I. and II. of Samuel, and I. and II. of Kings.—I have now, after repeated prayer, come to the conclusion to accompany brother —— to Germany, that thus: (1) I might aid him by my advice in reference to the object of his journey; (2) that thus, if the Lord will, through the journey and the benefit of my native air, my health might be benefited; and (3) that I might once more have an opportunity of setting the truth before my father and brother.
March 12th. I feel quite comfortable in the prospect of going to Germany. I trust it will prove to be as much of God, as it was shown to have been the last time.
Visit to Germany
April 3rd. I left for London, on my way to Germany. I was led to read this morning, Psalm 121. with my dear wife, before we separated; we both felt it to be very appropriate to our circumstances.
April 6th. This evening I went on board the steamer for Hamburg.
April 7th. All the day ill from sea-sickness.
April 8th. Lord's day. I was able to get up this morning, and to take my meals. Last night I was led to praise God for having made me His child, considering that I was most likely the only one on board that knew Him. This morning, however, I found a sister in the Lord among the passengers, with whom I had much conversation. At dinner she manifested more grace in testifying against evil, than I did. At tea-time I had grace, in some measure, to speak of Jesus before the company, and to confess Him as my Lord.
April 9th. We arrived at Hamburg about one in the morning, having had a most favourable passage of about 48 hours, and at seven I went on shore.
April 14th. Berlin. We arrived here the evening before last.
April 15–21st. We met several times during this week with certain brethren who desire to give themselves to missionary service, and prayed and read the Scriptures with them. Since my arrival here I have had two letters from my dear wife. Harriet Culliford, one of the Orphans, and formerly one of the most unpromising children, has been removed. She died as a true believer, several of the brethren who saw her being quite satisfied about her state. Surely this pays for much trouble and for much expense! My wife also mentions some fresh instances of the Lord's blessing resting upon my Narrative. I am now, after prayer, this day, April 21st, quite sure that I should leave Berlin, and go to my father at once, as the work here is too much for my head.
April 22nd. Confirmation day of the children in Berlin. The son of the person with whom we lodge was confirmed, and in the evening they had the violin and dancing. How awful! A few days since I heard that a brother in the Lord, an old friend of mine, was in prison on account of his religious views. This brought afresh before me the privileges which the children of God enjoy in England.
April 24th. Left Berlin last evening for Magdeburg. Had a long conversation with two deists in the mail. God helped me to make a full confession of His dear Son, in answer to prayer for grace to be enabled to do so. This afternoon I arrived at Heimersleben, the small town where my father lives. Once more then I have met with my dear aged parent, who is evidently fast hastening to the grave, and seems to me not likely to live through the next winter. How great, how exceedingly great, the difference in me, as to my feelings respecting such things now, from what they were formerly.
April 25–28th. Stay at Heimersleben. The Lord has given me both an opportunity and grace to speak more fully, more simply, and more to the heart of my father about the things of God, and in particular about the plan of salvation, than I had ever done before. I trust that, in judgment at least, he is convinced that there is something lacking in him. All the time of my stay here he has been most affectionate. I spoke also fully again to my poor brother, who is now completely living in open sin. Oh to grace what a debtor am I! Brother Knabe, who was the only believer in Heimersleben, as far as I have been able to learn, died about eighteen months since.
April 28th. To-day I left for Magdeburg. My father accompanied me about eight miles. Both of us, I think, felt, when about to separate, that we were parting from each other, never again to meet on earth.* How would it have cheered the separation on both sides, were my dear father a believer! But it made my heart indeed sad to see him, in all human probability for the last time, without having scriptural ground for hope respecting his soul.—I arrived in the afternoon at Magdeburg, and went to a brother, a musician in one of the regiments of that fortress, who is on the point of leaving the army to go to the East Indies as a Missionary. In his lodgings I saw another brother, a private soldier, who lives in the barracks, who told me, on my enquiring, that he goes into the sand cellar, which is perfectly dark, in order to obtain opportunity for secret prayer. How great the privileges of those who may freely have both time and place for retirement; but how great, at the same time, our obligation to improve these opportunities!—This evening at eight I went on board an Elbe steamer for Hamburg.
April 30th. This morning at seven I arrived at Hamburg.
May 4th. London. Left Hamburg on the 2nd. Had a fine passage. I have, by the mercy of God, been kept from light and trifling conversation; but I have not confessed the Lord Jesus as plainly as I ought to have done.
May 7th. Returned to Bristol. I had grace to confess the Lord Jesus the last part of the way before several merry passengers, and had the honour of being ridiculed for His sake. There are few things in which I feel more entirely dependent upon the Lord, than in confessing Him on such occasions. I found my dear family in peace.
May 8th. This evening I went to the prayer meeting at Gideon. I was able to thank the Lord publicly for my late affliction. This is the first time that I have taken any part in the public meetings of the brethren, since November 6th, 1837.
A Stranger requests Mr. Müller to return for him money which he had gained by fraud
June 11th. A stranger called on me, and told me that, many years ago, he had defrauded two gentlemen of a small sum, and that he wished to restore the same with interest. He also stated that he had read my Narrative, and, feeling confidence in me, he requested me to convey this money to those gentlemen, giving me at the same time, their names and place of abode. He intrusted me with four sovereigns for each of them. At the same time he gave me one sovereign for myself, as a token of Christian love. I never saw the individual before, nor do I up to this moment know his name. I conveyed this money, however, not by post, as he wished, but through two Bank Orders, in order that thus I might be able to show, should it be needful, that I actually did send the money; for in all such matters it becomes one to act with particular caution.—It may be that this fact will be read by some who have, like this stranger, before their conversion, defrauded certain individuals. If so, let them, like him, or like Zaccheus of old, restore what they took, and, if they have the means, with interest, or compound interest.