23. A Breaking-up and a Breaking Down
A Breaking-up and a Breaking-down
Contemplate the last stage in the plant, before the inwrought life is free for use. There is a breaking-up and a breaking-down such as it never had before. Such brittleness comes as the seed ripens that it is almost impossible to pick some of the stems without cracking them in two or three places. The ripening seed-vessels share the same brittleness; you can hardly touch them without the whole crown falling to pieces in your hand.
WHEN THE YOUNG AUGUSTINE HAD WANDERED far from God, his mother Monica wept for him “more than mothers weep for the bodily deaths of their children,” he wrote. “For she, by that faith and spirit which she had from Thee, discerned the death wherein I lay, and Thou heardest her, O Lord; Thou heardest her, and despisedst not her tears, when streaming down, they watered the ground under her eyes in every place where she prayed.” She had so abhorred and detested the blasphemies of her son that she felt she could not live in the same house with him. But God changed her mind and consoled her anguish through a dream which assured her of his ultimate salvation.
“For almost nine years passed, in which I wallowed in the mire of that deep pit, and the darkness of falsehood, often assaying to rise, but dashed down the more grievously. All which time that chaste, godly, and sober widow (such as ‘Thou lovest), now more cheered with hope, yet no whit relaxing in her weeping and mourning, ceased not at all hours of her devotions to bewail my case unto Thee. And her prayers entered into Thy presence, and yet Thou sufferedst me to be yet involved and reinvolved in that darkness” (Book III, [XI] 19, 20).
In the spiritual realm there must always be a breaking-up and breaking-down before the inwrought life is free for use. Those who sow in tears are promised that they shall reap in joy. But for long years prayer may seem to effect nothing.
When Gideon was told to attack the Midianites the pitchers had to be shattered before the light could shine. Paul must have had that story in mind when he wrote of our being mere clay pots, but with a priceless treasure, the light of the knowledge of the glory of God within. He who knew many kinds of shattering has shed a strong light down through the ages.
A woman who has brought the light of the Lord to many sexually abused girls wrote to me of the anger and hurt they feel towards the heavenly Father who was supposed to protect them from every evil thing and did not. It did not surprise me to learn that this woman, too, has been broken—twice divorced, has a handicapped child, is tormented by unrelenting pain which interrupts her sleep and draws her mind from work (she is the wage-earner for her family). She recognized in herself a “pool of hurt,” felt unloved and rejected by God, but kept these feelings, she said, “out in the light before Him,” and He began to teach her His love.
I totally agree with your statement about accepting suffering as a gift and about offering it up to the Lord. At times of intense emotional or physical pain I have actually envisioned a chalice full of suffering, lifted to the Lord as the only offering I could bring. When suffering is intense enough, it overtakes all of life until that is all one has (ask a woman in the last stages of a difficult delivery—or any delivery!). Embrace it, then offer it up…. As the pain would begin to crest (sometimes many times in a few minutes] 1 would internally stop and draw apart to worship, not asking the Lord for anything, just expressing my love for Him. I noticed the tension and stress of carrying constant pain would subside.
So the testimony comes from every age, from all over the world—suffering is necessary. Suffering is the key to existence. Suffering opens our eyes to the centrality of the cross in the Christian life, enables us to lift up the crucified Savior to the rest of the world. How thankful I am for those who have shown us so clearly that the pathway through suffering leads on to glorious things.
Lilias Trotter shows how, out of the hour of its greatest extremity, the seed launches out for its ministry. When all seems to be lifeless, all that is beautiful withdrawn and shrouded, the invisible, miracle-working power of God has not come to a halt. It operates silently, secretly in the seed, and in us. “It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail; the words that 1 have spoken to you are spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe” (Jn 6:63-64, RSV).
It happened that I was working on the outline for this chapter in a motel room in California, struck by the wonder of the hidden life of the seed. The One who designed it showed to the young English artist in the deserts of North Africa the deep lessons from the life cycle of desert flora which illuminated her sufferings. She in turn faithfully wrote of these lessons more than half a century ago and here I was, thirstily drinking them in from her little book for perhaps the tenth time, sitting with my feet propped on a chair and a clipboard on my lap. The phone rang. It was Walt, my son-in-law, asking for help with a letter he was trying to write. The notes on my clipboard from Parables of the Christ-Life were the very words he needed at that moment.
Thus the Life multiplies—but only because the seed fell into the ground and died. Lilias Trotter had no idea how far the golden grain would be scattered.
The light is shed abroad—because the vessel was broken.
God gave to the widow of Zarephath her poverty, that out of her poverty she might give something to His prophet. God gave to Joseph through his sufferings the power to save the lives of the brothers who had hated him. He named his son Ephraim because “God has made me fruitful in the land of my hardships” (Gn 41:52). God gave Paul his thorn, gave him the happiness of suffering for other Christians. Jesus spoke of His own cup of suffering as the cup which the Father had given Him.
Is it too hard for us to believe that the Shepherd who leads in paths of righteousness has good reason to lead us in the pathway of suffering? Too hard to believe His word, “This day, as ever, thy decrees stand fast; for all things serve thee” (Ps 119:91)? Too hard to believe that God is giving us gifts—from which, by His transfiguring power, will come something that will matter very much not only to us but to others as well?
Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.