The twelfth step of pride: the habit of sinning
Ladders The twelfth step of pride: the habit of sinning The first steps in sin are taken apprehensively and no blow falls from the dreaded judgment of God. Pleasure in sin has been experienced. Sin is repeated and the pleasure grows. Old desires revive, conscience is dulled, habit tight ens its grip. The unfortunate ones sink into the evil depths, are tangled in their vices and are swept into the whirlpool of sinful longings while their reason and the fear of God are forgotten. "The fool says in his heart: There is no God."
God or evil means nothing to them now. They are ready to serve sin heart, hand and foot with thoughts, acts and plans unchecked. They seek new ways of sinning. The plans of the heart, the ready words of the mouth, the works of the hand are at the service of every impulse. They have become malevolent, evil-speaking, vile.
The just who have climbed all the steps of humility run on to life with a ready heart and with the ease of good habit.
The evil who have dropped down to the bottom are ruled by evil habit and unchecked by fear they run boldly on to death. Those in mid-course, whether going up or down, are weary with the strain, torn now by the fear of hell and now by the attraction of old habits. Only at the top and at the bottom is there a free and effortless course, upward to life and downward to death, bounding on in the effortless energy of love or hurried, unresisting by the downward pull of stupidity. In one case love, in the other apathy ignores the labor of life. Perfect love or complete malice cast out fear. Security is found in truth or in blindness. So we can call the twelfth step the habit of sinning by which the fear of God has been lost, replaced by contempt.
(The Steps of Humility and Pride 38ff) It looks as if I have described the steps of pride rather than those of humility. All I can say is that I can teach only
Ladders
what I know myself. I could not very well describe the way up because I am more used to falling down than to climbing.
Saint Benedict describes the steps of humility to you be cause he had them in his heart. I can only tell you what I know myself, the downward path. Howeyer, if you study this carefully you will find the way up. If you are going to Rome who can tell you the way better than one you meet j * * coming from there? Such a one will describe the towns, villages, cities, rivers and mountains passed, and as you go along you will meet and recognize them in the reverse order.
So, in our downward journey you will discover the steps that wall lead you up. As you climb them you wall see them better from your own experience than from the description of our book.
( The Steps of Humility and Pride 57)