He'll wipe away my tears. So
Nor profit in these days; I humbly wish to serve my Lord And gain that day His praise.
5. Unto the judgment seat of Christ I daily look away; May all my living and my work Abide the fire that day.
6. You may your reputation hold, Wealth, friends, and glory gain; You may win all success and praise, A following great obtain.
7. But I would be but lonely, poor, With no prosperity; My heart desires to follow Him And finish faithfully.
8. My Lord, when here on earth, I know, Gained nothing but the cross. I only hope to be like Him And for Him suffer loss.
9. My glory's in the coming age, Today I'll patient be. I'd ne'er enjoy ahead of Him This world's prosperity.
10. That day I shall receive the crown, He'll wipe away my tears. So faithfully I'll journey on Till He at length appears.
While staying in Shanghai as an unmarried person, his mother came to stay with him for a period of time. Rumors circulated that a woman was living with him. Miss Groves, a sister who had previously been a help to him, heard the rumor and came to ask, "Is it true that you have a woman living with you?" He answered, "Yes." Then she rebuked him. Years later when he related this incident to me, I asked, "Why didn't you tell her that that woman was your mother?" He replied, "Miss Groves didn't ask who that woman was." He simply did not like to explain things to people in order to vindicate himself.
Following his marriage, his wife's aunt threatened to take some steps to damage his reputation if he would not come to pay her the courtesy of a visit. This actually stopped him from paying her a visit. If she had not threatened him in such a way, he would have done it. Under such threatening, however, he would not meet her demand. He refused to do anything to reduce the attack of others upon him. He believed that everything was from God's hand and was willing to bear any kind of opposition or attack as a cross, in order to live a crucified life with Christ.
In 1942 in the church in Shanghai, there was a big disturbance concerning him. He did not say a word to vindicate himself; neither did he take any steps to appease the situation or reduce his suffering. Again, he was learning the lesson of the cross, living the crucified life by the Christ who was living in him.
Because of that disturbance he was frustrated from continuing his ministry for six years. During that six-year period of suffering, he did nothing to attempt to recover his ministry, nor did he attempt to start any other kind of work. He remained fully silent, under God's sovereign hand, learning the lessons of the cross. He kept himself fully in the confinement of Christ's death and experienced Christ as his life during that long trial. Following that long dark night of six years, when the day dawned and the Lord came to recover his ministry in 1948 through a revival in Shanghai, he asked us to sing the following hymn on the life of the grapevine. This hymn portrays how the grapevine is continually under certain kinds of hardship and dealing, yet it still continues to bear fruit and to cheer others. Three stanzas of the hymn say:
Yet its wine throughout the winter Warmth and sweetness ever bears Unto those in coldness shiv'ring, Pressed with sorrow, pain, and cares. Yet without, alone, the grapevine Midst the ice and snow doth stand, Steadfastly its lot enduring, Though 'tis hard to understand. Winter o'er, the vine prepareth Fruit again itself to bear; Budding forth and growing branches, Beauteous green again to wear; Never murmuring or complaining For the winter's sore abuse, Or for all its loss desiring Its fresh off'ring to reduce. Breathing air, untainted, heavenly, As it lifts its arms on high, Earth's impure, defiled affections Ne'er the vine may occupy. Facing sacrifice, yet smiling, And while love doth prune once more, Strokes it bears as if it never Suffered loss and pain before. (#635, Hymns)
This hymn indicates that Watchman Nee was continually under hardships and dealings in order to produce spiritual fruit for cheering others. After that long winter, he prepared himself to bear fruit, not murmuring or complaining about anyone's abuse nor desiring to reduce his fresh contribution. Yet he was still willing to face any sacrifice by being pruned once more, as if he had never suffered any strokes before.
He told those of us who were his close co-workers that when criticized in our behavior and character, we should not vindicate ourselves, although we must without hesitation contend for the truth.
In Shanghai in 1948 there was a brother in the church who opposed Watchman Nee, because this brother's longstanding ambition for position in the church was not fulfilled. This brother gave financial assistance to a traveling preacher who wrote a long article criticizing and accusing Watchman Nee on a number of counts. The article was widely circulated, but Watchman did nothing to vindicate himself concerning this article.
In 1950 we were both in Hong Kong. One evening after the meeting, two young men standing at the front gate of the meeting hall were distributing flyers criticizing him. These two young men were standing directly in front of us, yet he did not react. He only smiled a little at them and walked away. During my long association with him, I never once saw him quarrel, dispute, or fight with anyone. One always received the impression that he was following in the footsteps of the Lamb and living under the putting to death of Jesus in order that the life of Jesus might be manifested in him (2 Cor. 4:10).
HIS PERSONAL TESTIMONY GIVEN AT KULANGSU, FUKIEN, OCTOBER 20, 1936
A believer may read, study, or expound a teaching concerning the cross, while at the same time not necessarily receive the lesson of the cross or know the way of the cross. When I was being tempered together in the service with my coworkers, the Lord ordered many crosses for me. Many times I felt embarrassed. I would not accept the dealing of the cross and found it difficult to submit. Inwardly, however, I knew that if the cross were ordered by the Lord, it would be the right thing, though it would still be difficult to obey and accept it. While the Lord was on the earth, He learned obedience by the cross which He suffered (Heb. 5:8; Phil. 2:8). How could I be an exception? In the first eight or nine months, when the lesson of the cross began to come, I would not obey. I knew that I should yield without resistance to the cross ordered by the Lord. When I would make up my mind to obey, my determination would last only a short time. When some event would arise where I should obey, I found it difficult to obey and was full of rebellious thoughts. This made me very uneasy. Once I recognized the cross which the Lord had ordered for me, I found it very beneficial. Among my co-workers, five had been my schoolmates since childhood. Another one came from a different city and was five years older than I. The five always sided with him and opposed me. No matter what I did, they would invariably condemn me. They received the credit for many things I did. Sometimes when they rejected my views, I went to a lonely hill to cry before God. At these times I wrote some hymns on bearing the cross. For the first time I experienced the significance of "the fellowship of His sufferings" (Phil. 3:10). When I could not have fellowship with the world, I could enjoy
heavenly fellowship. The first two years after my salvation, I did not know what the cross was. But at this time I was beginning to learn its lesson. I was always ranked first in my class as well as in my school. I also wanted to be first in serving the Lord. For this reason, when I was made second, I disobeyed. I told God repeatedly that it was too much for me to bear; I was receiving too little honor and authority, and everyone sided with my elder coworker. But today I worship God and thank Him from the depths of my heart that this all happened to me. It has been the best training. God wished me to learn obedience, so He arranged for me to encounter many difficulties. Eventually, I told Him I was willing to be placed second. When I became willing to yield, the joy I experienced differed from the joy I experienced at the time of my salvation; it was not a broad joy but a deep one. After another eight or nine months, on many occasions I was willing to be broken and did not do what I wished. On my spiritual path I was filled with joy and peace. The Lord submitted to the hand of God, and I was willing to do the same. The Lord, existing in the form of God, did not consider being equal with God a treasure to be grasped, but emptied Himself (Phil. 2:6-7). How dare I rank myself above the Lord? When I first began to learn obedience it was difficult, but as time went on I found it easier and easier. Eventually, I told God that I would choose the cross, accept its breaking, and put aside my own ideas.
LIVING A RESURRECTED LIFE
Watchman Nee saw that he had been crucified with Christ and that he had risen with Christ. The resurrected Christ with the fullness of the Spirit had become his life. It was by the resurrection life of the indwelling Christ that he was able to bear the cross and to participate in the fellowship of His sufferings and be conformed to His death. By the resurrection life of Christ, he abandoned the world, forsook his future, denied himself, was freed from sin, overcame besetting sins, subdued Satan's temptations, conquered Satan's evil wiles, and defeated Satan himself. It was also by the resurrection life of Christ that he served the Lord, worked for Him, and carried out His commission. He consistently rejected his natural strength in the Lord's service. He feared the intrusion of himself into the Lord's work. He dared not minister apart from the indwelling Christ. In delivering messages, contacting people, writing articles, corresponding with the saints, and in all trifling things, he acted not by himself but by the resurrected life.
He further saw that the church as the Body of Christ was simply the enlargement, expansion, and expression of the resurrected Christ. His vision that Christ in resurrection was the life and content of the church was unique. He not only ministered by the resurrected Christ, but also ministered the resurrected Christ to the saints for the building up of His Body. He frequently emphasized that anything which is not Christ in resurrection is not the church, and anything not done by the resurrected Christ is something foreign in the Body. He would serve the church with nothing but the resurrected Christ. The more he continued his ministry, the more he ministered the resurrected Christ to the saints and to the churches. The resurrected Christ became not only his life and living, but also his message and ministry. He was one who not only knew
resurrection life and who lived and ministered by and with the resurrected Christ; he was also one who bore the cross, participated in His suffering, and was being conformed to His death. I believe it was by living such a resurrected life that he was able to pass through the long martyrdom of twenty years' imprisonment which finally ended in death.
LIVING AN OVERCOMING LIFE
Watchman Nee received a clear vision of what it means to be an overcomer by studying the Scriptures and reading the writings of Jessie Penn-Lewis. He saw the principle in both the Old Testament and the New Testament that whenever God's people failed Him, He called some back to His original standard to overcome the defeated situation and fulfill His purpose. This is emphasized repeatedly by the Lord in the seven epistles to the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3. He saw that the church was in a defeated condition, and he felt called by the Lord to be an overcomer in this age so that the Lord might recover His original purpose concerning His church. The rich provision of God's sufficient grace enabled him to live such an overcoming life by the power of the resurrected Christ. His overcoming life was the result of living a crucified and resurrected life. By the crucified and resurrected life, he overcame sin, the world, self, self-pity, natural temperament, the flesh, and Satan. By the crucified and resurrected life, he also overcame defeated, degraded, and deviated Christianity with all its forms and traditions. He equally overcame Christianity's criticisms, rejections, oppositions, and persecutions by the crucified and resurrected life. By living such a life, he followed his Master as the Lamb and bore His reproach outside the camp of Christianity in an overcoming way. In living such an overcoming life, he followed in the footsteps of the apostle Paul by filling up what was lacking of the afflictions of Christ for His Body's sake (Col. 1:24). Ultimately, by living such an overcoming life, he became a living witness of Christ, bearing "the testimony of Jesus" (Rev. 1:9) not only in the sin-stricken world but also in Satan-stricken Christianity. The overcoming life which he lived eventually became his testimony of the Lord for His recovery.
The following words by Sister Ruth Lee in her open letter published in the sixth issue of The Present Testimony, dated December 24, 1928, testifies how Watchman Nee labored in his work by living an overcoming life:
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In the last issue's open letter, our brother Watchman Nee told how he completed the work on that issue even though he was being stretched out in different ways. In spite of the situation he was in, he proceeded to prepare the current issue of The Present Testimony for publication. This period of our brother's life has been filled with fierce conflicts and perilous fightings. While writing The Spiritual Man, his days were spent in the crevices of Satan's teeth. Since its completion Satan has been fighting even more with all the power of hell, attempting to completely wipe our brother out and make void the testimony of his book. This kind of warfare has occupied us and made us inactive for many days. These have been days of chanting lamentations. But at
this very hazardous moment, our loving Father, our victorious Savior, has led our brother to the ascended position in the heavenlies to overcome Satan's fierce attack. With tears of joy we thank the Lord today that He has enabled us to put out this issue of The Present Testimony in His victory.
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Watchman Nee lived an overcoming life, worked by such a life, and ministered such a life to the saints and to the churches. One of the burdens of his ministry was to hold a number of overcomer conferences. The goal of the messages given in these conferences was to sound the call for overcomers. His intention was to help the saints to become overcomers in this age for the recovery of the Lord's testimony by living an overcoming life, which is the living of a crucified and resurrected life.
All through the years of his life and ministry, Watchman Nee so cleaved to the crucified and resurrected Christ that he lived in the reality of an overcoming life. In the final period of his life, to all appearances he was taken away from his ministry by a change in the political situation. Actually, however, he was sovereignly put into an environment which afforded him a long period of twenty years to live an overcoming life. He did live such a life, overcoming even unto death. This is a strong testimony of the Lord, not only to us who are his followers, but also to all the children of God in this age.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
PAYING MORE ATTENTION
TO LIFE THAN WORK
THE EXAMPLE OF MARGARET BARBER
Margaret Barber was a great example to Watchman Nee in the one matter of paying more attention to life than to work. He realized that God cares for what we are more than what we do, and his work was according to this principle. He observed how Miss Barber continually stressed the matter of life, paying almost no attention to her work.
From time to time, he and Miss Barber would go together to listen to a Christian speaker. He always admired either the speaker's eloquence, knowledge, zeal, ability, or natural power of persuasion. Then Miss Barber would point out to him that what he admired was neither of life nor of the Spirit. What he admired might be able to stir people up and motivate them to perform certain works, but it could never minister life to people. Through such spiritual diagnosis, he was educated to discern and distinguish the difference between life and work. He began to realize that most of the sermons given by preachers and Christian teachers were not grains of life but flakes of chaff. He also observed that in most Christian work, supposedly carried out for Christ, there is very little life ministered to people.
FOOTSTEPS OF THE LORD JESUS
Watchman Nee pointed out to his co-workers that according to the four Gospels, the Lord in His ministry did not care for popularity; rather, He frequently withdrew when a crowd was seeking Him. Brother Nee often said that the Lord Jesus sowed Himself as a seed of life (Matt. 13:3) and fell into the ground as a grain of wheat, that the life within Him might be released to bring forth many grains (John 12:24). THE PERIL OF BEING POPULAR
He told me that when his co-worker, who was five years older than he, was traveling through the country conducting evangelistic meetings, Margaret Barber, realizing the peril of popularity, warned him by saying, "If you continue to travel for evangelistic work, I will not pray for you any longer." She had the foresight to realize that such work would bring shipwreck to his spiritual life. Eventually, that is exactly what happened. That other co-worker was distracted from spiritual life to popular work.
Watchman Nee was afraid of being popular. He was fearful of making a name for himself and of being highly praised and uplifted by people. He looked upon such popularity as an instrument of seduction to tempt the young co-workers away from the right track of life in following the Lord. He was never bothered by the depreciation, opposition, rejection, and accusation of others. Rather, he considered these things a sort of safeguard to preserve him in life and cause him to grow more in the Lord. Such a vision made it easier for him to be one with the Lord in His work and to obey the Lord's leading. He carried out the revelation he received from the Lord, not in the way of work, but in the way of life.
NOT QUANTITY BUT QUALITY
Watchman Nee saw through 1 Corinthians 3:12-15 that the important thing regarding our work is not its quantity but its quality. Gold, silver, and precious stones are always small in quantity but high in quality, whereas wood, hay, and stubble are always high in quantity and low in quality. Wood, hay, and stubble cannot stand the test of fire, but gold, silver, and precious stones can. We will be judged at the judgment seat of Christ not according to the quantity but according to the quality of our work.
OUTFLOW OF LIFE
When he would hear that a certain preacher had successfully gained a large following or that a certain Christian worker was doing a big work, he would frequently tell us, his trainees, that the real work is the outflow of life.
With the gifts, knowledge, and ability he had, he could easily have acquired a large following in Christianity. Watchman Nee, however, did not misuse his gifts and knowledge in this way. He always took pains to restrict himself in the function of his gifts and the use of his knowledge in order to insure that his work was fully in life, of life, with life, and was life itself. As long as he had the assurance that his ministry was the outflow of life, he was satisfied.
His ministry began from the year 1922, and the church in Shanghai, which was fully under his ministry, was raised up in 1927. By the end of 1933, when I first visited him in Shanghai, the number of saints meeting there in the Lord's recovery was slightly over one hundred. In February 1928 he held an overcomer conference in Shanghai. The attendants at this conference included all the co-workers and seeking ones throughout the country. The attendance was a little over three hundred. After he had been in his ministry for over six years, the number of saints in the Lord's recovery at that time was still so small. However, he was not disappointed; rather, he was strongly encouraged because he realized that that small number was the issue of his ministry. Praise the Lord! Because Watchman Nee was not interested in the outward work, the life-issue of his ministry has flowed throughout the whole earth. That part of his ministry which has flooded today's Christianity through his books was not his work but rather the very life that issued from his work. To him work did not mean much; life meant everything. In my whole life, he is the only person I have known who paid more attention to life than to work.
The following is an excerpt from his open letter in the fourth issue of The Present Testimony, published in July 1928:
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We firmly believe that God is not seeking a great work which would shock heaven and shake earth. Men only care for what is seen, but God is not so nearsighted. We do not trust in the kind of work which publishes photos and issues reports. It is a sad thing that while the children of God realize that God is not in excitement, they still are bent on having excitement. Hence, we have to be careful that we do not consider everything that sounds good as from God. I feel that the unprecedented need today is to discern between the work of the spirit and that of the soul.
CHAPTER TWELVE
EXPERIENCING GOD AS
THE GREAT PHYSICIAN
Because of overwork and lack of adequate physical care, Watchman Nee became sick with tuberculosis of the lungs in 1924. It became so serious that in some of his open letters to the readers of his papers he said that the pegs of his tabernacle on earth were shaken. Several times rumors were spread that he had died. During this time of illness, he was greatly exercised to trust in God for his existence, and God faithfully cared for him. He suffered with this illness for about five years. Eventually, however, he was graciously healed by experiencing God as his Great Physician. The following is his personal testimony regarding this matter given at Kulangsu, Fukien, October 20, 1936:
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When I first became aware of my illness in 1924, I was feeling feeble, there was pain in my chest, and I had a slight fever. I did not know what was wrong. Dr. H.S. Hwang said to me, "I know you have faith and that God can cure you, but allow me to examine you and diagnose your disease." After the examination he spoke to Brother Wong Teng-ming for some time in a very low voice. At first, even though I asked, they would not tell me the result of the examination. But when I informed them that I was not afraid, Dr. Wong told me that I was afflicted with tuberculosis and that my condition was so serious that prolonged rest would be necessary. I could not sleep that night; I did not want to meet the Lord without having completed my work. I was very depressed. I decided to go to the countryside for a rest and have more fellowship with the Lord. I asked the Lord, "What is Your will for me? If You wish me to lay down my life, I am not afraid to die." For half a year I could not grasp the Lord's will, but there was joy in my heart, and I believed the Lord could never be wrong. The many letters I received during this time did not convey encouragement or consolation; rather, they rebuked me for overworking and for not taking adequate care of my life. One brother reproached me by quoting Ephesians 5:29, "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church." Brother Cheng Chi-kwei of Nanking invited me to his home where I could rest and at the same time help him translate Dr. C.I. Scofield's Bible correspondence course. At this time some thirty brothers and sisters came to me for fellowship. I spoke with them regarding the question of the church. I came to realize that God's hand was on me for the express purpose of turning me back to my first vision; otherwise, I would have ended up walking in the path of a revival preacher. Day after day passed without my tuberculosis being cured. Though I exerted myself to write and to study the Bible, I found it exceedingly strenuous. I had a slight fever each afternoon, I could not sleep at night, and I frequently experienced night sweats. Upon being advised to take more rest, I replied, "I am afraid that I might rest to such a degree that I become rusty." I felt that even though I might not live long, I should believe that God would increase my strength and that I must work for Him. I asked the Lord concerning any unfinished work He had for me to do. Whatever He wanted me to do, I would ask Him to spare my life to do it; otherwise, I felt there was nothing upon earth worth living for. For awhile I was able to arise from bed, but eventually I could not even do that. On one occasion I was asked to conduct a gospel meeting. I exerted myself to arise and asked the Lord to strengthen me. While walking to the meeting, I was forced to lean against a lamp post every now and then for rest. Each time this happened I would say to the Lord, "It is worthwhile to die for You." Some brothers who knew that I had done this rebuked me for not
sparing my health. To this I replied that I loved my Lord and would give up my life for Him. THE SPIRITUAL MAN WRITTEN IN SICKNESS
After praying for over a month, I felt that I should write a book concerning what I had learned before God. My concept had been that one should not write books until he was old, but when I considered that I might be leaving this earth, I felt I should begin writing. I rented a small room in Wusih, Kiangsu province, where I shut myself up and spent my days writing. At that time my disease became so aggravated that I could not even lie down. While writing I sat on a chair with a high back and pressed my chest against the desk to alleviate the pain. Satan said to me, "Since you will soon be dying, why not die in comparative comfort rather than in pain?" I retorted, "The Lord wants me just like this; get out of here!" It took four months to complete the three volumes of The Spiritual Man. The writing of this book was a real labor of blood, sweat, and tears. I despaired of life, yet God's grace brought me through. After completing each time of writing, I would say to myself, "This is my last testimony to the church." Though the writing was done in the midst of all sorts of difficulties and hardships, I felt that God was unusually near to me. Some felt God was ill-treating me. Brother Cheng wrote saying, "You are exerting yourself to the uttermost; some day you will regret it." I replied, "I love my Lord and I would live for Him."...
SICKNESS WORSENED
Following the publication of the book, I prayed, "Now let Your servant depart in peace." At the same time my disease worsened. I could not sleep peacefully at night, and when I awoke I turned incessantly from side to side. Physically, I was a bag of bones. I had night sweats, and my voice became hoarse. People had trouble hearing me speak, even when they placed their ear to my mouth. Several sisters took turns waiting upon me, one of whom was a veteran nurse. Whenever she saw me, she would weep. She testified, "I have seen many patients, but I have never seen one whose condition was as pitiful as his. I am afraid that he can live only three or four more days." When someone told me of this, I said, "Let this be my end. I realize I am going to die soon." One brother telegraphed the churches in various places, telling them there was no more hope for me and that they need pray for me no more.
HEALED
One day I asked God, "Why are You calling me away so soon?" I confessed my trespasses before God, fearing that I might have been unfaithful concerning some matter. At the same time I told God that I had no faith. On that same day I devoted myself to fasting and praying and presented myself to Him once more. I told Him that I would do nothing but what He assigned me. From morning until three o'clock in the afternoon I fasted. At the same time the coworkers earnestly prayed together for me in Sister Ruth Lee's home. As I prayed to God to grant me faith, He spoke His words to me, words which I could never forget. The first sentence was, "The just shall live by faith" (Rom. 1:17). The second sentence was, "By faith you stand" (2 Cor. 1:24). The third
sentence was, "We walk by faith" (2 Cor. 5:7). These words filled me with great joy, for the Bible says, "All things are possible to him who believes" (Mark 9:23). I immediately thanked and praised God because He had given me His words. I believed that God had cured me. The test came immediately. The Bible says, "By faith you stand," but I was still lying in bed. A conflict arose in my mind: Should I get up and stand or remain lying down? We all know that human beings love themselves and consider it more comfortable to die in bed than to die standing. Then the word of God manifested its power, and ignoring all else, I put on my clothing, clothing which I had not worn for a hundred and seventy-six days. As I left the bed to stand, I perspired so profusely that it was as though I had been soaked through with rain. Satan said to me, "Are you trying to stand when you can't even sit up?" I retorted, "God told me to stand," and I rose to my feet. Being again in a cold sweat, I nearly fell down. I kept repeating, "Stand by faith, stand by faith!" I then walked a few steps to get my trousers and socks. After putting on my trousers, I sat down. No sooner was I seated than the word of God came to me that I should not only stand by faith but also walk by faith. I felt that the ability to rise and walk a few steps to get my trousers and socks was already something marvelous. How could I expect to walk further? "Where do You want me to go?" I asked God. He answered, "Go downstairs to Sister Lee's home at number 215." A number of brothers and sisters had been fasting and praying for me there for two or three days. Walking within the room might be all right, I thought, but how could I walk downstairs? I prayed to God, "Oh God, I can stand by faith, and by faith I am also able to walk downstairs!" Immediately, I went to the door leading to the staircase and opened it. I tell you honestly that when I stood at the top of the staircase it seemed to me to be the tallest staircase I had ever seen in my life. I said to God, "If You tell me to walk I will do so, even if I die as a result of the effort." But I continued, "Lord, I cannot walk. I pray that You will support me with Your hand while I am walking." With one hand holding onto the rail, I descended step by step. Again I was in a cold sweat. As I walked down the stairs, I continued to cry out, "Walk by faith, walk by faith!" With each step down, I prayed, "Oh Lord, it is You who enable me to walk." While descending those twenty-five steps, it seemed I was walking hand in hand with the Lord in faith. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairway, I felt very strong and went quickly to the rear door. I opened the door and headed straight for Sister Lee's home. I said to the Lord, "From now on, I will live by faith and will no longer be an invalid." I knocked at the door just as Peter did in Acts 12:12-17, but without Rhoda to open the door. When the door was opened and I entered the house, seven or eight brothers and sisters gazed at me. They were speechless and motionless. For about an hour everyone sat quietly as if God had appeared among men. I also sat there full of thanksgiving and praise. Then I related all that had happened in the course of my being graciously healed. Exhilarated
and jubilant in spirit, we all praised God aloud for His wonderful work. That same day we hired a car to go to Kiangwan in the suburbs to visit Dora Yu, the famous woman evangelist. She was greatly shocked to see me, for she had received recent news of my imminent death. When I appeared, I was looked upon as one who had been raised from the dead. That was another occasion of joyful thanksgiving and praise before the Lord. On the following Sunday, I spoke on the platform for three hours.
WHAT A WONDER
About four years ago, I went to an auction at the house of a German doctor. Upon inquiring I found that this doctor was the one who had taken x-rays of my chest many years ago. He had taken three pictures and told me that there was no hope. When I asked him to take another picture, he said that there was no further need. He then showed me another person's chest x-ray and said, "This person's condition was better than yours, yet he died at his home two weeks after this picture was taken. Don't come to see me anymore; I don't want to make money out of you." When I heard this, I went home extremely disappointed. Then, four years ago, I read an advertisement in the newspaper concerning the auction of a building and furniture of a certain famous German doctor who had died. When I discovered that this doctor was the one who had taken x-rays of my chest many years ago, I lifted up my hands to praise the Lord. I said, "This doctor has died. He said that I would die soon, but now he is dead. The Lord has shown me His grace." Under the Lord's blood, I said, "This doctor, who was stronger than I, has died, but I have been healed by the Lord and am still alive." On that day I bought many things from his house for memorial.
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GOD'S FURTHER SUSTAINING CARE
While Brother Nee was seriously sick with tuberculosis, his heart was stricken with angina pectoris in 1927. God graciously healed him of tuberculosis, but sovereignly left him with the angina pectoris. He suffered this heart disease for forty-five years, until the end of his life. It often caused him to suffer severe pain and experience cold sweat. Sometimes, while delivering a message, the pain would hit, and he would be forced to lean upon the stand. He could have died at any moment. This spontaneously ushered him into a full trust in the Lord for his existence. Moment by moment he existed by faith in God, and all through the years God sustained him with His gracious care and resurrection life until he died. Through such physical hardship, he experienced and enjoyed God much more than would have been possible if he had not had such an entangling and exhausting disease.
The kind of divine healing Watchman Nee experienced is different from the so-called gift of healing. It was not merely a miraculous act of God; it was the working out of the resurrection life through the procedure of grace by the exercise of living faith in the
faithful Word of God for edification and growth of life. It was not merely a miracle of divine power; it was absolutely a matter of grace and of the divine life.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MARRIED AND ENGAGING IN
BUSINESS
MARRIED
When Watchman Nee was a teenager, he fell in love with a young girl by the name of Charity Chang. Their two families had been friends for three generations. After Watchman Nee had turned to the Lord, Charity was still unsaved. At times she ridiculed the Lord in Watchman's presence. This bothered him. How could he who loved the Lord marry one who despised the Lord? At the time he sought to be filled with the Holy Spirit, the Lord required him to give her up. He struggled for some time with this matter. Eventually, the Lord forced him to give her up. At that time he made a thorough consecration of himself and his future to the Lord. He experienced the reality of Psalm 73:25 in a practical way, to have no other love in heaven or on earth but the Lord.
Ten years later, after finishing her university education, Charity turned to the Lord and began to attend the church meetings in Shanghai in 1934. Through those ten years she was sovereignly kept by the Lord from marrying. Eventually, the Lord brought her back to Watchman Nee. Charity's aunt, however, strongly opposed the marriage. She looked upon Watchman Nee as simply a poor preacher. On the one hand, this caused Watchman to hesitate in going ahead with the wedding; but on the other hand, his mother was very much concerned for his marriage, since he was thirty years of age. In 1934, during his fourth overcomer conference held in Hangchow, all the co-workers were present. His mother grasped this opportunity to speed up the wedding. As a result, immediately following the conference, the wedding took place. Charity's aunt was extremely unhappy about her niece's marriage. She made a threat that if Watchman Nee would not pay her the customary courtesy call she would cause him trouble. He would have surely paid her such a visit if she had not made such a threat. However, her threats caused him not to do so. He felt he could not comply with her desire under such duress. People would think he was playing politics to please her. For this reason he refused to do what she asked. Through this conflict, a great turmoil burst out in Shanghai caused by Charity's opposing aunt. This caused Watchman a great deal of suffering. However, this marriage was the provision of the Lord. Charity was the helpmate he needed to take care of him in his sickly condition. She was the only one permitted to visit him during his twenty-year imprisonment. The Lord took her away one year before Watchman died. It was God's sovereign arrangement that they had no children to burden them while undergoing such a long trial. ENGAGING IN BUSINESS
Watchman's second brother was a qualified chemist. In 1938 he began a small pharmaceutical factory. He was experienced in pharmaceutical production but was inexperienced in business management. Watchman was blamed by his parents for helping many other brothers, but not helping his own brother in business. Due to this family feeling, Watchman began to help his brother in the management of the pharmaceutical factory in the latter part of 1939. At this time he was also burdened with the supply of his co-workers. He felt that some profit could be made through the business to meet their needs. He therefore picked up the full management of the factory and reorganized it. Because of this unavoidable involvement, some brothers employed in the factory became unhappy with him. Through this whole situation, Satan stirred up turmoil among the saints in Shanghai against Watchman. This resulted in his inability to function in the ministry. At the same time the occupation of the invading Japanese army compelled him to move the factory far to the interior, from Shanghai to Chungking. Chungking was the Chinese capital during the Sino-Japanese war. There he carried on the business and was also employed by the government. After the war, he brought the pharmaceutical factory back to Shanghai. Through the profits derived from this business, he was not only able to care for the need of a number of brothers and sisters; he was also able to purchase a training center with approximately twelve bungalows on Kuling Mountain, close to his hometown. In 1948 a revival was brought to the church in Shanghai, and he resumed his ministry. At the same time he also handed over the factory to the work as an offering to the Lord. That act influenced many brothers and sisters to also hand over their possessions to the work.
TESTIMONY OF BROTHER SAMUEL CHANG
The following is a testimony of Samuel I.L. Chang, Mrs. Nee's brother, concerning Watchman as a businessman:
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I received my college degree in the field of chemistry, and in 1938 I engaged in the pharmaceutical enterprise as an assistant to Watchman Nee's second brother, Hwai-tsu (George). From the time Watchman Nee began to manage the enterprise late in 1939, I worked with him for about ten years, until I left the China mainland in 1949. Due to the Japanese invasion, our factory was moved from Shanghai to Chungking. In 1943 Watchman Nee went back to Foochow. At that time he cabled me to come there. After arriving, he told me that there was a brother who needed approximately ten thousand dollars to clear his debt. I was quite puzzled at the time that he was exercising such generosity to unconditionally pay off this brother's large debt. But this incident made me clear that he was running the business, not for his own needs, but for the needs of others.
Sometimes the Lord provided for Watchman's needs; sometimes He did not provide. Then he would work with his own hands to supply his own needs as well as the needs of others. As time went on, the restriction on obtaining raw materials from abroad became acute, and there was no way to develop the pharmaceutical business on a large scale. The saints still needed to be provided for, yet the income was limited. This situation forced Watchman to work at a government job in order to not become a burden to others. He worked not only in order to provide help for others but also to meet the need of his own living expenses. After the war he returned to Shanghai with the pharmaceutical factory. He built the business on a sound foundation, and there was such blessing from the Lord that another factory, which produced dye, was added to the business. From the financial blessing of these two factories, Watchman was able to offer a large sum to the church in Shanghai for the building of the meeting hall. He was also able to maintain the training center on Mount Kuling, Foochow, with a number of living quarters. I believe I was the only one with him from the beginning to the end of his time in business. I can bear witness that his motive was absolutely not to make himself rich. He was utterly captured by the Lord. Although he was criticized for going into business, I must testify that he did not spend the profit for his own enjoyment. The money he made was for the Lord, and he spent it in the way the Lord desired. Because of his rich experience in the Lord, he was enabled to work with government officials in a very efficient way. All his superiors admired him. He never attempted to prove that he was superior; rather, he lived and worked in the spirit of submission and took orders from those above him. For this reason, when the war was over and the government returned to Nanking, he was offered a high position. However, because of his relationship with the Lord and his ministry with the co-workers and the churches, it was necessary to give up the government job.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HELPED
Four sisters were vital to Watchman Nee in his life and work. He was saved through the preaching of Dora Yu, perfected under Margaret Barber, and sustained by two elderly coworkers, Ruth Lee and Peace Wang. Dora Yu and Margaret Barber were of the older generation, whereas Ruth Lee and Peace Wang were of the same generation as Watchman Nee. RUTH LEE
Ruth Lee was born in the province of Hupei in 1894, about nine years before Watchman Nee. Her Chinese name was Lee Yuan-ru.
Saved
The following excerpts are from her personal testimonies given at different times and recorded by Dr. Chang Yu-lan and Weigh Kwang-hsi.
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I was born and raised in a non-Christian family. I considered myself a good person who had no need of salvation. During my first year in the Girls' Normal College in Wuchang, I experienced some fear of sinning against God, although at that time I was not sure there was a God. After passing through some years of schooling and acquiring more knowledge, I became careless. Later I taught in a school in Tientsin, established by a relative. My maternal uncle was a believer, and I respected his character and learning. Yet I considered him somewhat superstitious. I learned English under a Western lady missionary but would not attend her Bible study. When I was dean of Nanking Public Normal College, I frequently advised the students not to believe in Christ. In March 1918 while sailing on the Yangtze River, I was enjoying the scenery. At that time I realized that there must be a Supreme Being superior to mankind, who was wise and almighty, as mentioned in Romans 1:19-20. One day one of my colleagues, a Miss Cheng, opened her Bible and called my attention to Romans 2:28-29. She also read Romans 3:29. At that time I realized that there was a God and that He was also my God. At the end of April, Miss Cheng invited me to a luncheon held at the home of Miss Mary A. Leaman, an American missionary, where I discovered that my friend had been praying for me. After lunch Miss Leaman admonished me to believe in the Lord and asked me to kneel down and pray with her. After the prayer some of those present sang the following hymn for me: "That my Savior were your Savior too! For you I am praying, For you I am praying" (#933, Hymns). From then on I read a few verses of the Bible every day. One day I knelt down and prayed that if God was true and if the Bible was true, He must enable me to believe the Bible. After rising up, I was able to believe. I then desired to learn how to pray and how to sing the hymns. I secretly asked one of my Christian students to copy the words and music of a hymn for me. How wonderful when I sang the first stanza of the hymn: "O happy day that fixed my choice on Thee, my Savior and my God!" I determined to believe that
Jesus was my Savior. I sang the chorus, "When Jesus washed my sins away," and rejoiced exceedingly. I felt that God had told me that Jesus had washed my sins away. On that day I was saved. Later the light of God came to me again. I realized how sinful and heavily burdened with sins I was. I confessed all my sins to God and received His forgiveness. From that time on, whenever I remembered having wronged anyone, I would confess it to them. Thus, in my daily life and in my inward desire, there was a great change. One day I read Luke 12:8. I determined to confess before men that I believed in Jesus. However, I simply did not have the nerve to confess the Lord before men. I struggled with this for a long time and was greatly troubled. One day I heard a voice within me saying, "Are you willing to forsake everything and follow Me?" At first I did not know what it meant, but later I knew. When I realized what this word meant, I told the Lord, "Lord, I am willing." After I made the decision, I went to the principal and resigned my job.
Called
Not long after this a certain Christian girls' high school offered me the position of dean. I considered employing some methods of my own to improve the religious life in the school. After two weeks I became sick and knew it was the Lord's discipline. I realized that I was not right, for I was ambitious and was depending on my strength to work for the Lord. I began from that time to learn to know God. A short time later God again demanded that I leave my teaching job and serve Him with my whole heart. I resigned in March of 1920. Eventually, I answered the Lord's call to serve Him. After leaving my job, I worked with an American lady missionary for seven years, receiving much help and edification.
Seeking the Lord's Way
During these years I frequently contacted the various groups in Christianity. I discovered that most of them had fallen into organizations of human opinion. I desired to seek for a straight way. Finally, the Lord brought me to Nanking. There I met some spiritual brothers and sisters who helped me. I began to learn the difference between what was of man and what was of God.
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At the end of 1922 Ruth Lee was invited to visit Foochow for evangelistic work. The brothers and sisters in Foochow were preparing to meet her at the pier. The night before her arrival, Watchman Nee was considering whether or not to join the reception, thinking that although she might be a good evangelist, since she was a female, she should not be too highly esteemed. However, during the night he had a dream. In that dream he and
others met her at the pier. When he saw her in the dream, the Lord told him that she would be his co-worker. The next morning he awoke and seriously considered the dream. He realized that if that dream was of the Lord, he would miss the Lord's will if he did not meet her. So he went. When her boat arrived at the pier, many brothers and sisters went on board to welcome her, but Watchman Nee stayed somewhat behind. They shook hands with Sister Lee and introduced her to Brother Nee. He said, "I have seen her already." Of course, they did not understand what he meant. In 1926 Ruth Lee and Cheng Chi-kwei invited Watchman to Nanking for some rest. At that time he had further contact with Ruth Lee and some others. In his Narration of the Past, given in a meeting in Shanghai on December 4, 1932, Watchman Nee referred to Ruth Lee's situation as follows:
A year before I went to Nanking, I fellowshipped with Sister Lee concerning the truth of the church. However, since her attitude was very rigid and since she was not at all receptive, I made no further mention of it. Later she read a book on church history, saw that the origin of the denominations was not scriptural, and became somewhat clear. Eventually, I heard that she was baptized by immersion. Later she and several other sisters began holding bread-breaking meetings every Lord's Day. When I arrived in Nanking, naturally I attended the meeting to remember the Lord with them.
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At that time Ruth Lee was invited to be the editor of The Spiritual Light, a leading spiritual magazine, published by the outstanding Christian writers of the country. She accepted the position, but through her contact with Watchman Nee, she received light concerning the proper way of the Lord's move and determined to turn to the Lord's recovery. She therefore presented her resignation as editor of The Spiritual Light. The chairman of its committee turned down her request and wished to keep her at any cost. Since she was a person with a deep sense of responsibility, she had no way at that time to carry out her desire to resign.
In 1927 Nanking was occupied by the revolutionary army. Several of the church buildings and the office of The Spiritual Light magazine were desolated by those who opposed Christianity. The magazine was terminated, and Ruth Lee was released under the Lord's sovereign arrangement. A Huge Help
Being now free from her editorial responsibility, she traveled to Shanghai to meet with some sister co-workers. In the same year Watchman Nee moved his gospel bookroom to Shanghai and asked Ruth to help him in the editorial work.
She had an excellent command of the Chinese language, and from 1927 on, all of Watchman's writings were edited by her. She was a great help in his publication ministry.
In 1933 he decided to publish Collection of Newsletters for communications and fellowship between the saints and the churches. He asked Ruth to be his acting editor. She was a great help and saved much of his valuable time.
In 1937, because of the Japanese invasion, the brothers and sisters were scattered. At that time Watchman began to publish The Open Door magazine to facilitate the flow of information among the saints and the churches. Because of his need to visit Europe, Ruth Lee was again asked to be his acting editor. Her editorials provided much help to all the churches throughout China and the Southeast Asian countries.
In the years 1950 to 1952, Watchman Nee was desperately burdened to speed up the publication of messages from his 1948 and 1949 trainings. In this task Ruth Lee was of immeasurable assistance to him. Through her help, most of those messages were published in book form before his imprisonment and have become a great heritage to the Lord's recovery today. How we thank the Lord for this!
Moreover, Ruth Lee not only had a solid foundation in spiritual life and knowledge; she was also adequate in knowing and experiencing human life. She was a very able person with deep insight coupled with a disciplined character. She was able to supply much care not only to the sisters but also to the brothers, both in the churches and in the work.
The following excerpts from her open letters, published in The Present Testimony while substituting for Brother Nee, show to some extent her spiritual weight. She wrote the following in the seventh issue of March 27, 1929:
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The more our vision is enlarged to see the eternal will of God, the more joyful and hopeful we are, and the more we need to recognize clearly the boundaries which God has measured to us. If God has raised up some to do another kind of work, we ask the Lord to bless it and our hearts rejoice for it. But we, in ourselves, dare not start a work in order to meet the pressing need in our environment. What we pray for and hope for is that we may be faithful to the Lord within the limits which He has measured to us. When we consider that the church shares the same life as Christ and will ultimately grow up fully into Him, the Head, we simply cannot refrain from praising with singing this mystery of the gospel. Oh brothers and sisters, may the Lord stir up our fervent and loving heart to rise and pray. Pray to hasten the completion of the building of the Body of Christ and the coming of His kingdom.
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The following excerpt is from the eighth issue of The Present Testimony, published May 18, 1929:
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We do not want the truths of God to be stored only in the heads of men, nor to always be displayed on bookshelves. Rather, we want them to be assimilated into the human spirit and to be manifested in human living. Hence, although every issue contains only a few pages, the messages therein are important. We hope that with every issue you receive you do not merely read it through, but rather spend time to comprehend it in depth. It is not simply by knowing the truth that it becomes yours. Rather, it is after you have experienced the truth that you obtain its deliverance and freedom.
This last quotation is from the ninth issue of The Present Testimony, published June 20, 1929.
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None of the articles in this issue is vain theory. If we will humble ourselves and give diligence, we will see the truth of "Christ in us." How real, how significant, and how glorious! We shall also see how much prayer we need in order to be fellow workers with God, and what attitude we need in order to cause Satan to be cast out of heaven. Oh readers, now is really the time that we need the Lord to revive us. However, we must discern the difference between a revival of human works and a revival of the Holy Spirit. If it is an artificial revival, even though grandiose and noisy, it is but the flesh in another form. When we learn to put ourselves aside and only exercise our faith to identify with Christ in His fullness, how restful it is. We already have too many ways, and we already have too many failures. God does not want us to save the situation, nor does He want us to be discouraged and shrink back. Rather, He wants us to admit that we have come to the end of our road and that the goodness of our flesh is but vanity. Thus, we must turn to Him to seek His will. Our greatest dangers are that we are not willing to ask God to examine all our lives and works, that we are not willing to lay aside our natural ability and opinions and wholly trust in God, and that we are not willing to stop struggling in our failures and weaknesses and look to God alone. We really have to pray to the Lord to grant us the light of revelation that we might know ourselves and the salvation of God, in order that we may obtain the revival of the Holy Spirit. To my readers who are expecting to be raptured, I would say that we all must be watchful! A little thought for the flesh is enmity with God; a little care for this life is sufficient to make our hearts entangled. If we are not yet ready, then let us not be at peace. Our brother Watchman Nee says, "I tremble at the thought that the lamps of the foolish virgins will not burn long enough." Readers, how do you feel?
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With her clear knowledge of the truth, rich experience of life, absoluteness in following the Lord, and accuracy of discernment, she was able to give timely help, proper support, and practical care to many needy ones. Through all the years, Watchman Nee relied much upon her. She was a real provision of the Lord.
Faithful to the End
Ruth Lee was imprisoned from 1956 until she rested in the Lord at the age of about seventy-five. She kept her faith to the end.
PEACE WANG
Peace Wang was born of non-Christian parents in 1899. She was five years younger than Ruth Lee and four years older than Watchman Nee. Her family was from the province of Anhwei. Her original Chinese name was Wang Yih-sun. After she became a Christian, she adopted the new name, Wang Pei-chen, which means admiring and wearing the truth.
Saved and Called
Desiring that she could receive a modern education, her parents sent her to a Christian girls' high school in Hangchow in the province of Chekiang. It was there that she not only contacted Christianity but also heard the gospel, believed in the Lord Jesus, and received salvation. By that time her father was a county mayor in the province of Chekiang. It was a great shame to her parents that she had accepted a foreign religion. Hence, she was very much opposed.
She was not only saved but also very much attracted by the Lord, and she became zealous for the preaching of His gospel. This provoked her parents to be even more angry with her. Yet this was not all. Since she was so attracted by the Lord and fell in love with the Lord, she deeply felt that the Lord wanted her to give her life to serve Him in evangelistic work. This was extremely upsetting to her parents. They were greatly surprised at her announcement that she was leaving home and intended to travel for the preaching of the gospel. This was intolerable to them. They were determined not to let her leave. She prayed and fasted. Her stepmother, seeing how desperate she was and realizing that she was more than determined and that her mind could not be changed, interceded with her father and advised him to release her. Eventually, her father's anger calmed down, and he decided to let her make her own decision. The day came when she felt it was time to leave home and follow the Lord by faith. When she walked out the main gate of the house, her father and mother followed her, each standing at one of the two doorposts with tears in their eyes, saying, "My daughter! My daughter! You don't want your father and you don't want your mother; you only want your Jesus!" They all wept together. But even such parental affection did not influence her to change her mind. After leaving home she went to study at Nanking Girls' Seminary for a period of time.
Before she was saved, her father had engaged her to a young man of a well-to-do family, a recently returned student from Germany with a very promising future. In answering the Lord's call to give her life for the preaching of His gospel, she was desperate to terminate her engagement. Realizing her irreversible determination, her father was compelled to notify the young man of her decision. But the young man would not give her up until she herself had personally explained her situation to him. When this was done, he became sympathetic and released her from their engagement. Eventually, they all agreed that her cousin, the daughter of her father's brother, should be engaged to the young man in her place.
After finishing her studies in the Nanking Girls' Seminary, she began her evangelistic work. Her preaching was so convincing and prevailing that many denominations invited her to hold meetings. In the early years of her preaching, she traveled through a number of provinces, and hundreds of people were brought to the Lord through her preaching.
In April 1925 she was invited to my hometown of Chefoo to preach in the Southern Baptist auditorium. I heard the report and was intensely curious to witness such a young lady evangelist, twenty-five years old, preaching the gospel. We had never heard of such a thing before. Therefore, I attended her meeting, and I can testify that from that day to the present I have never seen preaching that was so prevailing. She preached to a crowd of over one thousand, not about sin or about hell, but concerning how Satan possesses and occupies people. She used the story of Pharaoh possessing the children of Israel as the basis of her message. I was immediately caught by the Lord.
Turning to the Lord's Recovery
While studying in the seminary in Nanking, she met Sister Ruth Lee along with other sisters and also Watchman Nee. Through her contact with them she received enlightenment concerning the denominations negatively and the church positively. Her fellowship with them caused her later to turn to the Lord's recovery in an absolute way. By doing this, she dropped her popular preaching which was highly esteemed by hundreds of Christians in the denominations. To them it was foolish to give up such a promising gospel work. To her, however, it was obedience to the heavenly vision for which she was willing to pay the price at any cost. Near the end of 1926, she and some other sisters moved to Shanghai where they began to meet together.
A Great Asset
Following the establishment of the church in Shanghai, she became a great help among the sisters. At the same time she still did much evangelical work, preaching in schools and visiting in other cities. She was excellent not only in holding gospel meetings but also in contacting individuals for salvation. When she stayed in Shanghai, she would visit new contacts with the gospel. Very rarely was there one to whom she had spoken not eventually saved. While Ruth Lee was a great help to the sisters, Peace Wang's burden was to care for the gospel candidates.
She was a strict and frank person. Because of her love for the Lord, she disciplined herself very much. Hence, she had an excellent character. Her consecration to the Lord was more than absolute with a constant burning zeal. Her will was always submissive to the Lord's, her mind was constantly and instantly sober in understanding spiritual things, and her spirit was pure, strong, and always out front in contacting people. Hence, she reached a high point in spiritual things and had a great measure in spiritual life. By possessing all these qualities, she was equipped with a keen discernment in helping others.
Her whole being was for the Lord and His recovery. Nothing preoccupied, frustrated, or distracted her from the Lord's interest. She was always willing to take care of others' needs at the sacrifice of her own needs. She had a broadened heart to embrace the innumerable spiritually as well as physically needy ones. Thus, hundreds of believers, not only sisters but also brothers, received her warm, brooding care.
She possessed a prominent spirit with a loving heart, a sober mind, and a frank character. She was always bold to point out in tenderness and humility, the weak points, shortcomings, defects, faults, and sometimes even sins of those with whom she spoke. Her word was strong, sometimes even sharp, but her tone was full of grace and anointing. Under such speaking, those to whom she ministered always received rich and appropriate help, not only in life but also in the practical matters of their daily living. Watchman Nee treasured her assistance in these aspects very much. The valuable help she imparted to her recipients will need eternity to reveal.
She was not only a great help to the church in Shanghai, but she visited the churches in other cities throughout China and the Southeast Asian countries as well. Early in the year following the establishment of the church in Chefoo, she came to visit us. Her visit greatly strengthened and helped us in the Lord's way. In 1943 I was sick, and the church in Chefoo was depressed due to my long illness. She arrived in the fall of that year to visit me and the church. That visit brought us timely help in our trial. On that same journey, she also visited the saints in Tsingtao and afforded them the supply they needed. In her work of spreading the Lord's recovery, she was assigned a young sister apprentice to help me in starting the Lord's testimony in Tientsin. As a senior of ten years in the work, she sustained me in whatever needs I had in the Lord's work. Both the church in Tientsin and the church in Peiping were greatly and continually benefited by her presence. Peace Wang and I, along with others, traveled through northwest China and ministered in many places. In our trips she always strongly supported me, and those with her always received her help and care.
In the turmoil caused by the opposition of Mrs. Nee's aunt to her niece's marriage, Peace Wang was the only one who remained in Shanghai facing the difficult situation through the whole period of trouble. During those days she helped me care for the church there during Watchman's absence. Later, in the turmoil stirred up among the brothers and sisters in Shanghai in 1942, when Watchman was forced to discontinue his ministry, Peace Wang had a clear vision of the real situation from the Lord and stood firmly for the Lord's gift to His church, Watchman Nee. By then she was really a wall against the tide, withstanding all the misunderstanding and attacks. Her standing laid the foundation for the later recovery of Watchman's ministry.
After the church in Shanghai closed in 1942, she remained in Shanghai. This was done with the express purpose and expectation that both the church in Shanghai and Brother Nee's ministry would be restored. She was the unique seed for this two-fold purpose. Eventually, after the war, in 1946 the Lord used her with the help of Brother Yu Chenghwa to reopen the doors of the church in Shanghai. It was she in the summer of that year who earnestly invited me in writing to visit the restored church there. During my visit the church was greatly healed, and I was very much confirmed and strengthened. After the restoration of the church in Shanghai, she strongly exercised her spiritual function in taking care of the young believers. A number of young saints were raised up and edified through her function and under her care. All of this was a great step in bringing Watchman back to his ministry.
Through her earnest invitation, I was burdened at the end of 1946 to stay in Shanghai and work together with her for the rebuilding of the church and for the restoration of Watchman's ministry. She was an indescribable help to me in the ministry, so much so that a revival was brought in in 1947 and 1948. That was a further step in bringing Watchman Nee back to his ministry. Eventually, he resumed his ministry in Shanghai through that revival. From 1942 to 1948 she played a crucial role under the Lord's leading and anointing to maintain the lifeline of the Lord's recovery.
After he resumed his ministry, Watchman's first burden was to carry out his training on Kuling Mountain. In his second training there, in 1949, Peace Wang was of great assistance to him in caring for the sisters and young trainees.
After the revival reached Hong Kong in 1950, she came from Shanghai with rich blessing to visit the church there and the churches in Amoy and Foochow. Following this trip she returned to Shanghai. This was her last trip in the ministry. I am deeply indebted to her for my salvation, growth in life, and ministry in the Lord's work. Next to Watchman Nee, she did the most to perfect me. Many among us remember her in the same way with heartfelt gratitude. She was a tremendous asset in the Lord's recovery.
Having Finished the Course
Sister Peace Wang was also imprisoned in 1956 and remained in prison until she went to be with the Lord whom she loved at the age of about seventy. Truly she finished her course in the race.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
EXPERIENCING THE DISCIPLINE
OF THE HOLY SPIRIT
Like Jacob of old, Watchman Nee passed through many dealings in the Lord's hand. Following the long period of trial during which his ministry was discontinued, in our
fellowship with him in Shanghai he frequently referred to the discipline of the Holy Spirit. He learned the following lesson by experience: While God's children are seeking after Him, whatever happens to them, whatever the source, whatever the nature of the dealing, and no matter how it happens, everything is arranged by the sovereign hand of God. This sovereign arrangement of our circumstances is the discipline of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God disciplines us by the things which happen to us.
Watchman Nee saw that what we are by nature means nothing; only what the Spirit constitutes within our being counts. Whatever we are by birth, whether good or bad, whether useful or not, is natural and altogether a hindrance to the Holy Spirit in constituting the divine life into our being. For this reason our natural strength, natural wisdom, natural cleverness, natural disposition, natural shortcomings, natural virtues, and natural attributes, plus our character and habits, must all be torn down in order that the Holy Spirit may form in us a new disposition, new character, new habits, new virtues, and new attributes. In order to accomplish this work of reconstitution, the Holy Spirit of God moves within us to enlighten, inspire, lead, and saturate us with the divine life. He also works in our environment to arrange every detail, person, matter, and thing in our situation to tear down what we are naturally. He may arrange to place a certain person in our home in order to tear down our natural quickness or slowness. He may arrange certain matters to abolish our natural cleverness or dullness. He may arrange another situation to tear down our natural wisdom or folly. He uses all kinds of persons, matters, and things to tear down all aspects of our natural being in order that He may conform us to the image of Christ.
Watchman saw in Romans 8 that, on the one hand, the Spirit of God works within us that we may realize our sonship, and that, on the other hand, all things work together for good in our environment that we may be conformed to the image of His firstborn Son. All persons and all situations related to us are arranged by the Spirit of God to match His work within us that we may be conformed to the image of the firstborn Son of God. The work of the Spirit within is to constitute a new being for us; whereas the work of the Spirit without is to tear down every natural aspect of our old being through our environment.
Watchman Nee stressed how vital this is. All things of our natural life must be torn down, that our being may be reconstituted by the Holy Spirit with the divine life. Through all the things that happened to him through the years, he learned that God's children need the discipline of the Holy Spirit. He learned to accept all kinds of circumstances without complaining, blaming, grudging, or criticizing. He considered everything a discipline of the Holy Spirit. Everything benefited him spiritually. He would not miss any opportunity to learn a lesson and gain profit. His frequent question to those who were suffering was, "What lesson have you learned? What profit have you gained?" He did not instruct any one of us to improve our character or correct our behavior; he helped all of us to learn the lesson of the Holy Spirit's discipline.
He continually reminded us that to improve character or correct behavior is simply to make the natural being better, whereas the discipline of the Holy Spirit tears down our natural being to constitute a renewed being.
I never saw or heard him condemn anything or anyone. He was always calm, peaceful, and willing to accept any kind of environment. Regardless of the situation, he gave the Holy Spirit every opportunity to tear down some aspect of his natural life and renew him with the divine life. He was always ready to cooperate with the indwelling Spirit to carry out His discipline through outward circumstances. For this reason, he was always at peace with others, at rest in the Lord, and growing in life.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
EXPERIENCING THE BREAKING
OF THE OUTER MAN AND THE
RELEASE OF THE SPIRIT
In the early days of his Christian life, Watchman Nee learned how to bear the cross, to live a crucified life, and to live in the Lord's presence. The chapters in his book The Normal Christian Life were all lessons learned in those early years. Later, he learned the further spiritual lessons of the discipline of the Holy Spirit, the breaking of the outer man, and the release of the spirit. In fellowship with him after his many sufferings during the war, he stressed three main points: the discipline of the Holy Spirit, the breaking of the outer man, and the release of the spirit.
No doubt, during the long period of his suffering, he learned many lessons, but in his fellowship he indicated no other lessons. He not only talked about the breaking of the outer man and the release of the spirit, but these experiences were also his reality. In the late 1940s, when he resumed his ministry, what came out from him was an impression that this was a broken man, a man through whom the Spirit could be fully released.
He frequently shared that though the Holy Spirit dwells in our spirit, if our outer man is not broken, our spirit could never be released. The Holy Spirit dwelling in our spirit is confined and imprisoned by the outer man. For this reason the outer man must be broken that the inner man (the human spirit with the Holy Spirit) might be released. The scriptural basis for this reality is 2 Corinthians 4:16, "Though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."
Watchman Nee taught that when contacting others, preaching the gospel, ministering the Word, or testifying, we need the release of the spirit that the Spirit of life may come out of us to impart life to others. How much life can be imparted in testimonies and ministries depends on how much spirit can be released from within us. How much spirit can be released depends on how much the outer man has been broken. This is not simply a matter of tearing down some aspect of the natural being; this is a matter of breaking the outer man.
When contacting others, Watchman Nee did not exercise his natural insight to understand their situation. He always exercised his spirit to sense their real condition
before the Lord. Whenever he was listening or speaking to others, his released spirit was foremost, not his broken outer man. The result was that what he spoke to others was not mere knowledge or instruction but life supply conveyed in his released spirit.
When he ministered the Word, what was crucial was the release of his spirit. What he cared for was not doctrine, but the release of his spirit.
To him the ministry of God's Word was a failure unless there was the release of the spirit. It was not difficult for Watchman Nee to release his spirit, for through years of suffering his outer man had been broken. However, it was difficult for those of us who were with him to release our spirit because our outer man still remained whole.
When he was with others or was ministering the Word, it was unnecessary for him to spend a long period of time to prepare his spirit to be released. In the opening word he could release his spirit with no time lapse. Since his outer man was broken, he could release his spirit anytime, unless he deliberately restricted it. It was not easy for others of us to release our spirit; but it was difficult for him to restrict his spirit because the shell of his outer man had been broken.
What we are speaking of here is not just a walk in the spirit that we may live a spiritual life; we are speaking of the release of the spirit that life may be released from within us to supply and nourish others. Watchman Nee's fellowship and ministry were rich in life. The secret was this: His outer man had been broken, and his spirit was easily released.
Watchman Nee strongly emphasized the breaking of the outer man for the release of the spirit. He shared that the breaking of the outer man cannot be accomplished in a short time. All the situations and environments in our whole life are arranged by God to accomplish this one thing. This is the ultimate consummation of the Holy Spirit's discipline.
In the days after he resumed his ministry, he repeatedly stressed the breaking of the outer man. In his fellowship with us concerning the Lord's work, he pointed out that among the co-workers, the limitation of usefulness and fruitfulness in every case was due to the lack of this one thing: the breaking of the outer man. Through many years of suffering, he fully experienced this breaking and set a good example in this matter. Insofar as my personal knowledge of him is concerned, this was the final lesson he learned from the Lord.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MATURED
The book of Genesis reveals that by the time Jacob reached the end of his life, he had matured to become Israel. We also see a matured life in Watchman Nee after his many experiences with the Lord and much suffering. His maturity was manifested in a number of ways.
He was one with the Lord because his whole being was saturated with the Lord. It was difficult to find a trace of anything natural in his being. He was always in the spirit, never frustrated by the flesh or restricted by the natural man.
He was always prepared to minister the Lord to others. It was unnecessary for him to prepare himself to minister; he was able to minister life to others constantly and instantly. Watchman Nee possessed a matured measure of life.
He was full of insight and able to discern the situation of others in a thorough way. He had the ability to isolate a person's problem and thoroughly diagnose his condition.
His heart was large, and he enjoyed bearing the burdens of others. The burdens of others were not a heavy weight to him; his care for them was like an ocean, without scarcity. He fully bore the burden of the Lord's recovery in building up the churches in China. Yet there was no indication that he was either striving or struggling to fulfill his commission.
In his dealings with others, sweetness, tenderness, and softness were spontaneous. He did not perform. The flavor of these virtues simply overflowed spontaneously from the fullness of his matured life.
It was his testimony that he was ready to be either raptured or martyred. As I write these words, on the desk before me are two paperweights made of stone. One bears the inscription of his word: "My future is to be either raptured or martyred."
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
POURED OUT AS A DRINK
OFFERING
In November of 1948 and February of 1949, Watchman Nee called two urgent conferences in Shanghai for the leading co-workers. In the last of these conferences, after much prayer and consideration, Watchman Nee made the decision to remain in Shanghai for the work of the Lord's recovery. On the one hand, he fully trusted in the Lord's sovereignty; on the other hand, he realized the risk and was prepared to be sacrificed for the Lord's testimony. Such willingness on his part was surely the supply of the Lord's grace. After he had made the decision to stay in Shanghai, he took immediate steps to carry out his second training in Kuling.
In January 1950, he visited Hong Kong with the intention of returning to the mainland after a brief stay. Brothers from different places advised him not to return and warned him of the risk. However, because of his burden for the churches, the co-workers, and the Lord's testimony on the mainland, without hesitation he determined to return. In this respect he was like the apostle Paul in Acts 20:24: "But I consider my life of no account as if precious to myself, in order that I may finish my course and the ministry which I have received from the Lord Jesus." He realized the risks, but his will was firmly set and his spirit courageous to finish his course and to fulfill the ministry which he had received