Generational Markers Among Asian Indians and Implications for Pastoral Care of Children

“Children are a heritage from the Lord.” Psalm 127:3

Little children are a great source of joy and blessing. They brighten up our lives with

their smiles. Jesus had a special place for little children. Raising the children can be quite a

formidable task for any parent.

We often hear terms like, ‘Communication Gap’, ‘Socio-economic Gap’ and ‘Generation

Gap’. We seem to have a general idea as to what these terms mean and imply in everyday

living. In this brief article, I wish to highlight one of these terms that is very relevant for

our living as immigrants in this country, namely, the ‘Generation Gap’. I like to use the term

‘Generational Markers’ to identify the problematic issues intrinsic to the whole notion of

differences in the ages and what these differences might mean and affect our inter-

generational living here in the USA. When we use the term ‘markers’ we are simply being

descriptive of what is seen and observed. There are no value judgments made or implied in

such a conversation. Problems are viewed as part of life that is dynamic, growing, creative

and challenging. Understanding is the key.

Sociologists and Social Scientists have developed a large body of literature around

this subject. There is in fact, a ‘system’ of identifying generational divisions among the

immigrant population. These generational divisions are somewhat technical in nature and

perhaps need greater elucidation than what I have attempted here. Where deemed

necessary, I have offered some examples to illustrate the points.

Let us begin with the term ‘The 1.5 Generation’. The term 1.5 generation refers to

people who immigrate to a new country before or during their early teens. They are so

labeled “because they bring with them characteristics from their home country but continue

their assimilation and socialization in the new country. Their identity is thus a combination

of new and old culture and tradition.”

(Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, 1.5 generation.)

“Depending on the age of immigration, the community into which they settle, extent

of education in their native country, and other factors, 1.5 generation individuals will

identify with their countries of origin to varying degrees. However, their identification will

be affected by their experiences growing up in the new country. 1.5G individuals are often

bilingual and find it easier to be assimilated into the local culture and society than people

who immigrated as adults”. (Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, 1.5 generation.)

Many in the 1.5 generation are bi-lingual and bi-cultural, combining both cultures -

culture from the country of origin with the culture of the new country. Studies show that

cultural assimilation adds to their cultural diversity which in and of itself creates a complexity

in such individuals. A majority of the 1.5G within the Asian Indian Christian Community are

in their teens and twenties, though quite a few have entered their thirties.

Two of our children were born in India and came to the USA at age five and one and a half.

The identification of the five year old with India is greater than the younger child. There are many

families who have the 1.5 G children. Sometimes they go through a stressful period of adjustment

to the new culture, especially if they have emigrated in their late teens. Social adjustment

and cultural assimilation is more clearly perceived and evident in immigrant children of younger age.

In some families the 1.5G children experience conflict with parents often as children rebel against the traditions of the native culture. Parents are unable to understand this

rebellious behavior of their children. In many instances, both the parents work in full time jobs, leaving little quality time to spend with the children, which creates an emotional gap and distance. The author recalls this tension while in graduate school full time, working on a part-time job at night. That kind of a schedule leaves little time for anything else that can adversely affect the children.

In a few families the children became so caught in this tension which made them

vulnerable to anxiety and depression. But traditional cultural norms play a part in preventing these children from receiving the psychological intervention in the right time. Delay can only exacerbate the situation for the young person.

There is a collective assumption among many families that mental health problems bring shame on the family and that seeking help is a sign of weakness. There is a great deal of denial. Consequently some of the children in these situations suffer silently with psychological problems by internalizing them and others by acting them out in disruptive behaviors until

they get the help they need. Very often these children become the proverbial ‘lightning rod’ and families get entrapped in the web of over-protection, denials and scapegoating the so-called problem child. Such actions by the parents often lead to further disintegration and disturbance in the child.

In continuation of the social groups along the generational lines, there are the 1.0, 2.0 the 2.5 and 3.0 generations to examine.

In most generational studies, children of immigrant parents are considered to be “second generation or 2.0” if they are born in the United States. The author’s third child fits in this category. There is an observable difference between the 1.5 and 2.0 generation children. While the 1.5 G children struggle to deal with two distinct cultures, the 2.0G in many instances is oblivious to this tension. They seem to deal with the same issues from a different vantage point than that of their siblings of the 1.5G. Generally there is a distinct

attitude of ‘belonging’ to the host culture. They do not feel the high level of ownership of the native values espoused by the rest of the family. Individual rights and self-esteem issues are quite prominent to them. They also seem comfortable to question the ‘old’ values of the previous generation. They are not in compliance with the parental authority that usually resorts to the saying, “You do or do not do because I am your father/mother and I told you so”. This type of behavior has ‘rebellion’ written all over it. If untreated, it

has the potential to cause many problems in the family. It has the potential to lead to physical abuse and/or emotional abuse.

Those with one U.S.-born parent and one foreign-born parent (the “2.5 generation”) are different from those with no U.S.-born parents (the “2.0 generation”) and those with two U.S-born parents (the “third generation”). I do not have much personal experience with the 2.5G and 3.0G and discussion about such is beyond the scope of this article.

IMPLICATIONS FOR PASTORAL CARE OF CHILDREN

Effective Pastoral Care is what most families look for from their pastors/leaders – whether they are clergy or laity. What is at the center of such care is, Shepherding which is a biblical

concept. God is the ultimate Shepherd. Jesus said of himself that He is the Good Shepherd.

What does the Shepherd do for the sheep? He provides guidance, in that he leads the

sheep, he brings nurture, in that he administers healing remedies when the sheep gets

hurt, and he sustains the sheep by steering them out of trouble and harm.

Children, whether they are from the 1.5 G or 2.0 G need guidance and nurture. They

need good leadership to show them the way. Effective ‘Role Models’ are needed in the

lives of young children and youth. These mentors need not be only from the family. They

can be drawn from the larger community.

Pastoral Care of children must not wait for some crisis to develop before it is offered. It

must be an ongoing function of the pastoral ministry of the Church/Fellowship. In many

instances, providing regular and effective Care prevents problems from escalating to proportions

beyond repair.

Families can also offer a helping hand in this regard by opening their homes for regular

gathering of the faith community in small groups for prayer, bible study, and fellowship.

Lenten season is an excellent time for ‘cottage prayer gatherings’. Families often celebrate

special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, house-warming ceremonies,

Bridal and Baby Showers, which are happy events that easily lend themselves to thanksgiving.

These events are excellent opportunities for effective Care for the family members and

friends and neighbors.

I have participated in scores of such happy events that build a true sense of community

and foster good relationships. Even in painful and sad situations, good Pastoral Care can

be extended. Funerals are prime examples. Deaths of the elderly afford a great opportunity

to celebrate their lives and give witness to God’s faithfulness. I have witnessed a tremendous

opportunity to bridge the generational divisions during family crises. These critical times

afford opportunities for families to ‘bond’ in new ways.

Care of families in untimely deaths of children, miscarriages, still births also have the

potential for proper Care of support, guidance and nurture. How these sensitive and

critical ‘moments’ are handled will determine to a large extent the future of these families

in terms of stabilizing their faith in a good and faithful God. Immigrant families of Indian

origin seem to value such small group gatherings which is a very positive sign.

IMPLICATIONS FOR PASTORAL COUNSELING OF FAMILIES

1. Pre-marital Counseling:

The primary concern in this area is the nearly lack of this type of counseling in the

AICC. As a pastor who has served various churches, predominantly White-Anglo-Saxon, I

have never had the difficulty in requiring couples intending to get married to commit to a

period of no less than six months for pre-marital counseling. Without exception every

couple whose marriage I solemnized took the pre-marital counseling course.

To many of these couples, this was an ‘eye opening’ experience. Almost without exception

the opposite is the case when it comes to couples from the AICC. In several instances the

expectation was that the pastor simply performs the ‘ceremony’ because there is no time

for indulging in the luxury of weeks or months of pre-marital counseling. This is owing to

the fact that the marriage alliance is customarily arranged by the elders of the families concerned.

It appears to be that, among many elders of the families, there is little understanding of what the pre-marital counseling is all about. One parent said to me, “This seems to be a western practice. We don’t know much about it.” 2. Marital Counseling: Among the 1.0G the roles of husband and wife appear to be pretty much shaped and set by the cultural values and social upbringing characteristic of the Indian society and culture. This is especially the case in the ‘older’ couples currently in their 50’s and 60’s though not restricted to this age group by any means. In many instances their marriages were ‘arranged’ by the respective families. Typically the husband in this situation plays the ‘dominant’ role, who calls most of the shots. The wife plays a ‘sub-ordinate’ role and takes primary responsibility in the care for the children and other members of the family. The husband’s career takes precedence over that of the wife’s. In families of this type, there is a resistance to marriage counseling, regardless of what might trigger for such a need, i.e. children’ behavior, financial stresses, extended family circumstances, etc.

There is apparent denial of anything major that is causing problems to destabilize the family’s sense of homeostasis. Outside influences that may suggest anything to the contrary are kept at a distance. Marital and/or family counseling is politely refused. On the other hand, there is some evidence that the younger counterparts of the 1.0G seems to be more open and ready to receive counseling for problems. The author has provided counseling in the form of guidance, support and education on a number of occasions to couples in the areas of listening, communicating, dealing with the past, coping with stress, child rearing, career selection, in-laws, finances, etc.

3. Family Counseling: Family Counseling takes into account that the ‘Family’ is a unit and system. It does not undermine the individuals who are part of that system. However, it refuses to focus on any single member of the family as the IP that is, the Identified Patient. Families often try to shift focus from the dysfunction that exists in the whole system within the family to one person, i.e. a child (scapegoat) so that the therapist can then ‘fix’ the problem child. When a family approached the author for help with dealing with a child who was manifesting aggressive behavior in school, it became very clear that the problems stemmed from the child’s home situation, in particular with the child’s parents. When invited to seek family counseling, the parents became upset and put an end to the counseling. The couple got divorced at a later time.

Many families view the counseling process with suspicion, and do not easily commit to it. This may be due to excesses and abuses one may have seen or heard from others, or a gross misunderstanding of the counseling process. More information sharing and open dialogue is perhaps the way out of this situation. Also, who the family selects to work with is crucial. Like in any profession, you have good ones and not-so-good ones. Families need to do some background check and look for a counselor who brings good training, skill, commitment and care to the counseling relationship. There needs to be a good deal of trust and confidence in the counseling relationship in order to see positive results.

In closing, I want to emphasize the main point of this article. Generational ‘markers’ are important keys to unlock the problems faced by immigrant families. Identifying and understanding these traits will go a long way in helping children and youth in particular and families in general. I hope the insights shared here will prove to be helpful in generating

more interest in the field for the readers.