Pastoral Care in Indian American Churches

INTRODUCTION

“In this article, I will be addressing the specific needs/challenges in providing Pastoral Care in the context of the Indian-American Churches. The impetus for this effort is drawn from my own ministry during the last thirty plus years and from conversations with other pastors of Indian origin serving directly or indirectly with the Indian-American Faith Community.

A. PASTORS AS COUNSELORS

A Pastor is a person, called by God, ordained by the Church, deployed to serve a particular community of people. Counseling is one of many areas and avenues that are integral to the work of the Pastor. A Pastor is a Preacher of God’s Word. He/She is a Teacher. Pastors also lead Worship, conduct prayers for various occasions. Additionally Pastors play a primary role in all of the critical stages of the lives of the people they are called to serve, i.e. Birth, Baptism, Educational pursuits, Pre-marriage Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Career Counseling, Health and Wholeness matters and finally Death and Dying. The pastor is often called on to address the spiritual aspects and dimensions in each of these stages and stage transitions.

To be sure, there are a myriad of ways in which the interactions between a congregant and a pastor take place. Sometimes these contacts/ conversations are brief and over the phone or via e-mail. They are limited to a shorter period of time, lasting a few minutes for each contact and over a period of few days or weeks. At other times, however, the pastoral conversations require a sit down, face-to-face session, usually in the pastor’s Study or in the home of the congregant. Most Pastoral Care type of conversations occur in the ‘public arena’ that is, when others are present. In contrast, Pastoral Counseling type of conversations needs to occur in a more private setting, such as the pastor’s office. The difference between these two types of pastoral ministry to hurting persons has long been studied, and taught in seminary courses dealing with pastoral training.

B. PASTORS AND THEIR FAMILIES: NEEDS AND CHALLNGES

It is imperative that the Pastor pays attention to the needs of his/her own family. Failure in this regard has led many a pastor down the path of hurt, pain and failure in effectiveness. The Scripture clearly teaches on this front. In I Timothy 5:8 Paul writes: “And whoever does not provide for relatives, and especially for family members, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever”. These are harsh words indeed, but need to be mentioned. The neglect of the family cannot be justified on the grounds of a busy ministry or pastoral calling. The Pastor is often looked up to as a spiritual leader, who by his/her example sets the tone for how the congregation understands ways in which Faith operates in daily life.

Ephesians 5:21-27 makes it ample clear that in every marriage and family, there ought to be mutual respect and reverence for the other – each is created in the image of God and plays a God-given role in the family context. If Timothy is the ideal pastor, Paul’s words to him are applicable to today’s pastor. “Now an Elder must be above reproach, married only once temperate, sensible, respectable, hospitable, an apt teacher.” 1 Timothy 3.2

C. DYNAMICS OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS: CHANGES IN THE SYSTEM

The above discussion now may be extended to the Christian Family. The major focus here is to understand that the Christian Family/Home is a ‘System’ and needs to be viewed and understood as such. Without going into the details, I just want to say that the Family is a complex phenomenon and the dynamics of inter-personal relationships are best understood when viewed as more than the sum of the individuals who are a part of this entity. From a theological standpoint, Family is more than a social institution, more than a cultural enterprise. More on that will be said. The traditional concept of the ‘Family’ is going through rapid change and Pastoral Care of the Family also must keep abreast with the changes in order to be effective in dispensing appropriate Care. Failure in this regard has already resulted in many becoming more and more isolated and alienated from the Community of Faith.

Theologically speaking, we assert that the Family is the result of Divine plan. The Bible teaches that Man and Woman are created by God. They are created in the ‘image’ and ‘likeness’ of God. In the Book Genesis we read, “So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them”. (Genesis 1:27)“

This is the fundamental driving force for our understanding that humans are created for a purpose. There is a plan in God’s will and purpose for humanity. Differences between the sexes are recognized and roles delineated from the beginning without placing any value judgments. Before we get into the details of the creation story of Man/Woman as recorded in Chapter 2, we notice the equality of male/female. We need to take a serious lesson from this, particularly those of us raised in India as children and young adults who are now raising children in the North American context. There is a need to un-learn some cultural biases and values and return to Biblical values as far as the family and roles within the Christian Home are concerned. There are many passages that offer guidance to families and pastors. Notable ones are: Ephesians 5:21-23, Colossians 3:17-19, I Peter 3:1-8.

At the heart of the theological understanding of the Family is the idea of Covenant. God is a Covenant making and Covenant keeping God. This is central to our understanding of God in both the Hebrew Scriptures and the New testament. Christian Marriage is also a Covenant making and Covenant keeping entity. There are a set of vows that each makes to the other which forms the basis for the creation of the Family into which two people bring children. Speaking about the relationship of the Church to Christ, Paul uses the human experience of marriage as analogy. The Church is akin to the Bride and Christ is the Groom who paid the price for her by his own blood. It is in the context of this Covenantal relationship of Christ and the Church, can we truly grasp the Christian idea of marriage as Paul and Peter teach.

The idea of ‘Extended Family’ is not new to the Indian Community. With more waves of immigration taking place, there is a resurgence of this type of family in the United States. Due to economics and also cultural practice and old tradition, many Indian families have adopted this where it is not uncommon for three or four generations living under one roof.

This does place the family in added stress but also serves to alleviate other stressors like baby sitters, house sitters, live-in care givers to the elderly, etc. Nursing care is provided at home by family

members. Where families have not been able to do this, emotional hurt, a sense of abandonment has been noted, requiring specialized pastoral care. Once again, it needs to be reiterated that there is no clearly held, ‘norm’ and each situation raises a different set of questions/needs that must be answered and met with care and sensitivity.

I wish to move to an important area of Parenting that has led to a great deal of angst for parents of Indian origin and that is, the Discipline of Children. Questions of when to, where and how to, have plagued parents about this matter. There is no agreement on any of the aspects among professionals related to discipline of children.

What does the Bible say about discipline of children?

God's Word very clearly addresses the importance and practice of discipline. The two Greek words are very instructive. 'Discipline' (paideia) refers to the whole method of training a child. 'Instruction' (nouthesia) means to counsel, advise and warn. Words are used to build up, direct and encourage the children.

Discipline (training) and instruction have a common purpose. The image of the ‘Guardrail’ aptly describes it. The guardrail exists alongside the highway to prevent cars from going over a cliff. The guardrail's purpose is to safely keep the cars on the road. Improper use of discipline occurs when the parent is only trying to keep the child out of danger rather than positively focusing the child. In many cases, a parent only disciplines a child when the child made someone angry or when he/she greatly disturbs the parent.

The child in these cases will be confused about what is acceptable. Inappropriate use of discipline occurs when a parent uses it due to a personal problem or a bad headache and could not rest. The child is not sure where the 'guardrail' is. It might as well be in the center of the road. This has the potential to exasperate a child and push the child into anger. Discipline's real goal is to enable, guide, confirm and help.

We are reminded that "the rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother" (Proverbs 29:15). My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves. . ." (Hebrews 12:5-6).

Parents should not avoid the momentary unpleasantness of discipline when deemed necessary. The wise parent expresses both discipline and affection with equal promptness and measure.

Children have many needsphysical, emotional, intellectual, relational and spiritual to name few and these needs change as they grow. They are dependent upon the parents at a very large degree in infancy-toddler stage. As they move to later stages of life, their major need is to become autonomous and independent, to think for themselves and to put into action lessons learned earlier in life. This is both a crisis and an opportunity for the parent. Since pastors get called so often to family functions and celebrations, it would be important to keep these stages and stage transitions in mind in order to provide insight and guidance.

D. CARING FOR THE HURTING

Someone described ‘Life’ as a series of adjustments that one has to make to maintain a sense of balance and wellness. In this process or journey, we are beset with all sorts of challenges and ‘crises’. Some of these are predictable and some are not. Pastoral Care in general has been used by Pastoral Care Givers to deal with the after math of these tragedies and crises in life. While that may be the

necessary thing to do, I think more can be done by way of preventative Pastoral Care to individuals and families.

First, some attention to the tragedies and crises of life. The Christian family is not immune to the general crises that attend to all of human life. Job loss, loss of relationships, divorce, abortion, debilitating illness, accidents, economic crises, adultery, death, suicide happen that threaten our sense of balance and wellness. The Church needs to be prepared to deal with these and a host of other crises. These are the moments when the Family is extremely vulnerable to attacks from within and without.

Pastoral Care takes on a new form wherein pastoral conversation is not merely a skillful use of techniques to manipulate people toward God, but a deep human encounter in which one is willing to put one’s own faith and doubt, one’s own hope and despair, one’s own light and darkness at the disposal of others who want to find a way through their confusion and touch the solid core of life. This is the incarnational style of providing Pastoral Care to people who are hurting.

In my work with people in crises, I have discovered that what they do not need is to hear from me about the so called ‘normative vision’ of life which seems distant and unachievable. What they need is a connection to hope and strength and the grace of God that can bring them out of the current quagmire.

E. NEEDS OF THE FAITH COMMUNITY: CHALLENGES AND BRIDGES

What are some unique needs of the Indian American Community? What challenges do these needs surface? What bridges can be built to handle them? We will take up these questions in this segment.

First, the need for Dialogue. Among several needs that exist, one that I feel is urgent is to provide an avenue for our families to engage in open dialogue. Too often families are left to fend for themselves on many situations due to family pride, problem of shame, repression and guilt, a perceived feeling of non-acceptance by the rest of the community on a wide range of issues. There is a deep hunger for individuals/families to engage in conversations about how to get a handle on the important issues confronting the children, youth and older adults of our community. Building on a successful offering of several workshops to parents and youth, one pastor of a large Indian Congregation wrote, “We should plan Workshops/Seminars to our congregations on topics like this (Dating, Discipline, Marriage and Family Life) which might be of help to our families”.

Second, the need for Publications. Not much is published on the important issues facing the Indian American Community. Serious study and analysis of the issues, concerns, and needs, followed by sound Biblical/Theological reflection is needed. There have been some recent publications such as, ‘Caring for the South Asian Soul’ (2010-Primalogue, Bangalore, India) which is a significant effort in the right direction. Better dissemination of the research findings and helpful suggestions for implementation is needed. A Web-based channel would be welcome.

Third, many pastors that I have talked with have expressed a lament about their training in this area. One pastor wrote me saying, “My PhD is in the area of Theology, Philosophy & Religion; highly academic, not relevant to congregational situations and problems” This pastor said he received no CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at all. One only has to wonder how many pastors are in this predicament. I strongly urge that pastors spend some quality time in training, whether the CPE or some other model.

Fourth, is the need for Empowerment of Lay persons for the task of Lay Pastoral Care in the

Church. I believe this takes place informally and without clear direction/supervision and guidance. An excellent resource is a model used by Stephen Ministries in American churches.

Dr. Kenneth Hauck, pastor, clinical psychologist, and founder of Stephen Ministries lays out the basic tenets of this ministry in his book, Christian Caregiving – a Way of Life.

This model could be adapted to suit the particular needs of the Indian American community. Pastors are not always able or available to meet all the demands for Care in the Church. Training of Lay persons therefore is imperative.

F. CHURCH AS A CARING COMMUNITY: METHODS AND MODELS

If anything, the church is a place where Care is extended to all persons regardless of any conditions. Jesus reminded the disciples, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (Matthew 13:35) If the church fails to reflect this love Jesus is talking about, the world will never be convinced about the Gospel and its claims on people’s lives.

The model of Caring that the Church needs to follow is the one set by Jesus Christ himself. We see this clearly laid out in his own words, “As the Father has sent me, so I send you.’ (John 20:21). Here is a pattern, a design, a model for the Church to follow. The Way of Jesus is the path of humility and service. In Philippians 2nd chapter, vs. 5-8, Paul says this about Jesus.

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death even death on a cross.

Jesus humbled himself and became obedient to God the Father’s will and plan. Grace of God is not cheap, but neither does it cost any money. It is freely offered without a price, since Christ has paid it all. The Caring that is offered in Church is predicated upon the firm belief and conviction that God in Christ has accepted all of us. Jesus also said, "Freely you received, freely give." (Matthew 10:8)

Pastoral Care in the church is always offered as a part of the overall ministry in the name of Christ and therefore there must never be a cost involved. Many pastors offer specialized one-on-one counseling to people and in some cases, charge a fee for this service. I believe this is not an appropriate way of providing care in the Church.

CONCLUSION

I hope that this article would be of help to you the reader, whether you are a pastor or a parishioner. It was written keeping both the audiences in mind. I also hope that the contents will be of some use to other Health Care Professionals like Social Workers, Psychologists, Marriage and Family Counselors, Medical Practitioners, and Educators. All the while it has been assumed that the reader is knowledgeable with the context of the Indian-American Christian Community.

Rev. David Ravinder, Ph.D

Pastor, Whitehouse UMC

908-534-2064 (O) 908-625-7443 (C)

"Live simply, love generously, care deeply and speak kindly. Grace is God reaching down.

Faith is you and me reaching back".